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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Angry Abused for years... - August 22nd 2012, 02:04 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

For years I had been abused my uncle, but I had blocked out all the memories and totally forgot about them, it was as if I had just closed a door and wouldn't let it open back up in my mind. But then something happened at a party involving my uncle, he sexually assaulted me and all the memories came flooding back to me. I am twenty-two and he is fifty-eight. It happened last Wednesday and I still feel physically sick off it. All he did was feel my bum, but it still affected me pretty badly especially when the memories came flooding back to me. Then later that day he nearly broke my fingers and then when I was going home he tripped me over on purpose and if I hadn't of stopped myself I would have gone through the glass in the door. I told my parents but my mother just told me to forget about it as if she didn't believe me. My father said my uncle isn't allowed anywhere near me or my little brother again. I am still scared that he will come after me because I have spoken out. I am terrified to go out on my own, I have to have someone with me and I have kept myself confided to my room. Every time I hear a knock on my front door I start shaking and crying. This is just so hard! My fiance said if he touched me again he would break his fingers. What he did wasn't right at all, and people think I am just going to get over it straight away. It also brought memories back of when I was nearly raped twice when I was fifteen. I have never felt so scared in my life about anything! I still can't believe barely anyone believes me and my fiance said the police won't do anything unless there's proof of what he did but there isn't. He is just gonna get away with it.

I do a paper round on a morning, thankfully my boss takes me around in the car but it isn't making the paranoia any easier for me. I feel very uncomfortable around other men, I am even edgy around my dad. I know he wouldn't hurt me but he understands why I am so edgy. He said no girl should have to go through what I have gone through.
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Re: Abused for years... - August 23rd 2012, 07:41 AM

Hi there Michaela, first off, as you know, what he did to you was wrong, very wrong. And you didn't deserve any of it. I know your fiance says the police won't do anything without evidence, and he's slightly right, it'll be difficult to do anything without evidence, but not impossible. It's still worth bringing up the possibility of a restraining order, especially seeing how scared and afraid you are. The police can do a lie detector test, which would provide a slight bit of proof, because the only way to falsely pass a lie detector is if you can trick yourself into thinking it's true. But the fact is that it did happen to you, and the lie detector would prove our genuine fear of him. They may also have him take one, and ask him if he's done certain things to you, and that would only provide more, it's like a forced statement to being guilty. Even if you don't pursue this legally, I think you need to see a therapist or counselor. You can't live your life like this, being this afraid and scared to leave your own house. You need to talk to someone who is trained on how to help you with these things, and you can even have your fiance come in with you so you aren't alone, and you can also ask for a female specifically if it'd make you feel better getting the help. I hope everything works out alright and you can always PM me.


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Re: Abused for years... - August 27th 2012, 12:37 AM

I went to the police about it and they said there was nothing they could do. That is typical of the police in my country, it really is fucked up. I am still distraught off what happened, my father and fiance went mad with the police saying its wrong that they wont do anything about it. My father hasnt spoken to my uncle since it happened but my aunty still doesnt believe me, as if she thinks I would lie about that but I wouldnt.
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Re: Abused for years... - August 27th 2012, 01:36 AM

Hey there,

I had something similar happen to me. I was abused when I was younger but I blocked it out and the memories didn't come back to me until I was 19 turning 20. There a numerous reasons that this can happen but the main thing to remember is that it was your bodies way of protecting you from such a terrible thing. I want you to know that you are a survivor and you will make it through this.

Getting through the aftermath of abuse can be really hard and I found that for a while after remembering the memories/feelings felt more overwhelming. However over time you will heal and get to a better place. Healing is a hard process but it is not impossible. One of the best ways to heal from the abuse that you suffered is by going to a counselor and slowly working on talking about the things that have occurred. I know it will be hard but it does seem like you have support from your fiance and father and I am sure there are other people around you who will be willing to support you through this.

As for your mom's reaction I can't say for certain but she might have responded that way because she didn't know how to handle the news and she thinks that encouraging you to forget about it will be better than you having to go through the process of remembering it all. It is true that people do not fully comprehend the effects of being abused but that does not mean that they cannot do their best to support you.

As for the police; I am sorry that they treated you that way but I want you to know how very brave of you it was to try and report him. I know that you feel a sense of injustice over the polices response but do not let that get to you, okay? You were strong enough to survive the abuse, you were strong enough to tell people about what happened and you will be strong enough to overcome this. The biggest thing is that you have faced the abuse and by coming out about have told your uncle that he does not control you. I know how hard it is to have people question the truth of your claim but all that matters is YOU know what happened. No one else feelings matter.

I really hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to pm me. You will heal and get to a better place.


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Re: Abused for years... - August 27th 2012, 01:55 AM

Thank you. Things are hard but I am getting there. Yeah I am not happy with the police at all because now my uncle will think he can get away with it again. As for my mam she has known for years about it and she never did anything about it. My mom has never been a nice person to me. For my aunty to not believe me though. I thought she would have but I guess I was wrong. Everybody but me and my fiamce have forgotten about it because they dont care and they just expect me to forget about it. As for my uncle, he wont be seeing me again after what he has done.

Thank you for supporting me. x
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