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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
kc_82 Offline
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I don't like it - April 28th 2009, 04:43 AM

Ok... I need to get some stuff off my chest. About 3 years ago it happened, total stranger who made me pinky promise that I would not cry. Yeah whatever. I was a lonely and was playing online and was chatting with this guy who seemed harmless enough. So I went to his house. He put in House of Wax and we started to fool around and I had enough of it, but he didn't. So it happened, I said no repeatily, but whatever. I remember I faked to fall asleep hoping he would kick me out and he did. I got out the door and cried and prayed. Something I figure would never happen did. I blocked it out moved on with life. I went through my emails one day and reread an email I had sent to a good friend about the entire thing, since than those stupid memories have come back. I didn't realize how well I had blocked everything out till I actually did it. I hate the R word and I cringe when it is used. I have actually flipped out on other guys that I have tried to be with.

I was dating this guy about 2 years ago and I told him about it and he wanted details. I think he actually got off over it. He was very emotionally abusive and when we finally broke up I told him that he was abusive and he made it out to be like he was the victim. Who loses over XXX pounds in 3 months in order to get their boyfriend to quit hitting on your friends and pay attention to you?

I guess I feel that people just do not understand. Why am I still so hung up on these things?

Last edited by SimplyComplex; April 28th 2009 at 07:43 AM. Reason: Please do not post weight numbers in your threads. And add triggering pre-fex. Thank you.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't like it - April 28th 2009, 05:57 AM

Hi, hun. I'm so sorry about what happened to you. First off, let me tell you, you're so strong to be able to get through this, & I know you can keep being strong.

It's completely natural for you to still be hung up on it. It can take years to get over something like what happened to you, & it takes an enormous amount of strength to even try. The truth is, you'll never be completely over it. You may learn to put it out of your mind, & focus on different, better things in your life, & I really think you can do that. There are certain things you can do to make that happen. Find things in your life that make you happy, even the little things like feeling the wind or sun in your hair, listening to your favorite music, things like that. It may help you to talk to someone, too. It sounds like you were doing that sending that email to your friend. If you'd like to talk about it, to get it off your chest, it might really help to have someone to talk to. You're doing so well already by trying to get over this. You're right, people don't understand because they haven't experienced it, but I know many people would really like to help you, even if they can't understand. Just remember that you're an amazing, strong person, & you can get through this.
I'm always here if you ever need to talk. Take care of yourself!
Talia

Hi, hun. I'm so sorry about what happened to you. First off, let me tell you, you're so strong to be able to get through this, & I know you can keep being strong.

It's completely natural for you to still be hung up on it. It can take years to get over something like what happened to you, & it takes an enormous amount of strength to even try. The truth is, you'll never be completely over it. You may learn to put it out of your mind, & focus on different, better things in your life, & I really think you can do that. There are certain things you can do to make that happen. Find things in your life that make you happy, even the little things like feeling the wind or sun in your hair, listening to your favorite music, things like that. It may help you to talk to someone, too. It sounds like you were doing that sending that email to your friend. If you'd like to talk about it, to get it off your chest, it might really help to have someone to talk to. You're doing so well already by trying to get over this. You're right, people don't understand because they haven't experienced it, but I know many people would really like to help you, even if they can't understand. Just remember that you're an amazing, strong person, & you can get through this.
I'm always here if you ever need to talk. Take care of yourself!
Talia



Last edited by flyingpancake; April 28th 2009 at 06:15 AM. Reason: Multiple posts have been merged automatically.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't like it - April 28th 2009, 05:04 PM

Hey,

Surviving, coping, remembering, discussing anything about past or present sexual abuse is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It's one of the hardest things I will continue to do for the rest of my life. Truthfully, once it happens you cope for the rest of your life and you'll never forget. It's easy to think that staying quiet is best, but it just silently builds up inside you. Honestly, when it builds up, it's hard to notice until you're ready to burst. I know it's hard, believe me, I'm not disregarding that fact. I read many stories and I know many adults who've stayed quiet their whole lives, it does affect them today. It affects who they talk to, where they go, how they talk and react to situations. Staying silent only helps your abuser get away with his actions. I'm not suggesting that you report him, that's a huge step compared to coming out about the abuse, but I'm suggesting to talk about it with someone. The question of reporting the crime can be discussed later if you're ready.

No one ever expects these things to happen. We never expect any of the bad things. Especially things that are so horrible. But the truth is it happens more often than we think. Unfortunately, so many of them go on un-told. So many people stay silent because it's just too much to think about dealing with. People begin to deny the situation and blame themselves. Sometimes, they might even try to convince themselves it was consensual. Without noticing the event can take over your emotional, mental and physical normalities and alter them in ways you don't notice. To me, from reading this, I'm easily coming to the conclusion that you're not over anything that happened.

It's not too late to get help. It's not ever too late to talk to someone and let them know you can't do this on your own. Doing it on your own isn't necessary and neither is staying quiet or continuing to suffer. I know I said you'd never forget the past, and you won't. I know I said it's going to be something you deal with for the rest of your life, and I wasn't lying then either. But that doesn't mean it isn't manageable. It doesn't mean that you can't heal and feel a heck of a lot better than you are now. But that goal is only going to feel further away the longer you keep things in and convince yourself everything's okay.

I don't know if dating right away is something you're going to want to be involved in. However, I'm not you. I just think that before you can learn to be comfortable with someone else, you have to gain the respect you lost after the incident. It looks to me like you lost some respect for yourself after what that man did to you. It isn't abnormal but it also isn't right. You fought back as much as you could and sometimes it just can't be enough. I have tons of respect for you because you're here trying to live and heal. That takes a crap load of courage! Before you try and make someone else happy, make yourself happy. Do things for yourself and don't worry about getting a significant other. You're honestly not going to find someone too good while you're not thinking of yourself in the highest respect. It's okay not to be ready. It's okay to wait. Everyone heals and copes differently. The way you decide to heal is completely up to you. So long as it's helping you, it can't really be wrong.

There is an entire site here that's behind you. Many of our sites users have been through something like what you have. So, if you're looking for understanding, I'm certain it can be found here. You're not "hung up" on anything. You haven't stopped hurting. You just pushed the hurt and pain back in hopes it would heal on its own. Things don't ever work like that. When we have a deep cut, we need to bandage it and clean it and remember to change the band aids after time. If we don't, it becomes infected and gets worse. Your wound from the abuse is no different. You're worth the time it will take for things to get better. And they can get better. I've seen them get better. Things might never be the same, but they won't be this hard forever. Talk to someone about this. Please don't stay quiet anymore. Admit to yourself that what happened was wrong and it wasn't as small as you'd like to believe. Allow yourself a chance to heal. You owe yourself that much. Talk to a friend, family member or doctor. Someone that you trust will support you and love you through this time. Maybe discuss with them the idea of seeing a counselor for the assault. Just take this slowly and you'll creep towards the finish line. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Believe you can do it because I have no doubt.

If you need anything at all, don't be shy to PM me. I'm more than willing to listen and/or offer more advice. Take care of yourself and remember how important you are. Not just to others, but to the world.

~Stay strong and have faith.


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Re: I don't like it - April 28th 2009, 10:47 PM

Hey,

Repressing bad memories is one of the ways we 'protect' ourselves from things we aren't ready to face. Usually these things eventually come back to the surface and it all feels so real again. In times like these it is easy to feel out of control. Try to gain back some of that feeling of control by nurturing yourself through this. Bottling up all of your emotions will do nothing for you in the end. It may be emotionally draining and painful to talk about what happened but in the long run it will help you. I am so proud of you for being able to share your story with us. Now it's time to take the next step and talk about it with someone who can continue to help you through this. Trying to work through things on your own makes them that much harder. You deserve all the help you can get. You don't have to face this alone. I'm sure there are caring people in your life that would be willing to support you through this difficult time. However, they can't be there for you if they don't know what is going on. If you're not comfortable talking with a friend, family member, teacher, or a religious leader then it might be a good idea to start counseling. The counselor will work with you to help get you through this. They aren't there to judge you or ridicule you over what happened. You have nothing to be ashamed of and there is really nothing to be afraid of either. "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."- Martin Luther King Jr. Break this silence. It is doing nothing but holding you back from making any sort of progress towards healing. Don't hold yourself back like this. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here for you. You can make it through this. Take care and hang in there.


Lots of love <3 Mimi



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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Emily. Offline
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Re: I don't like it - April 29th 2009, 05:07 AM

Hey hun, first off i'm really sorry to hear this happened to you and I just want to make sure you know that none of this was your fault. No one deserves this and it sounds like your really struggling to deal with it. And hun it's perfectly okay to be "hung up" on this. Everyone heals at their own pace and through different methods.

I'm sorry it has all come back up again, unfortunately pushing it to the back of your mind only works for so long. You were able to keep it at bay for a few years, but i truly believe it's better to talk about it and work through it. It wont ever leave you, but it does get easier to deal with.

I'm really glad you have already reached out to one friend to talk about it and i'm very proud of you for posting here. It's really hard to talk about all of this stuff. Have you ever considered seeing a therapist? Sometimes it's nice to have a nonjudgemental person to talk to and to help you work through your feelings.

As for how the guy you were dating reacted, well some people are just sick. I'm sorry you had to have someone like that in your life, but im glad u were able to get out of that relationship.

I hope your doing okay right now and know that you are not alone in how you are feeling. If you ever need to talk or just want someone to listen, please pm me hun.
<3 emily
   
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