TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts Chat Room

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Blondie14 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Blondie14's Avatar
 
Name: Mike
Age: 20
Gender: Not sure

Posts: 19
Join Date: November 30th 2014

Was I abused because I am intersex? - December 29th 2014, 02:38 AM

A bit of me wonders if I was abused because of my gender difference when I started puberty. I was always more feminine than average. And one of them started it with fondling etc. I have klinefelter's syndrome and I had started puberty when at 12 shortly after I was being abused at 11-12. They were both 17. I was also really docile. Like the start of the abuse was directly related to it. Like I feel like I was targeted because I was docile and quiet and prime target because I trusted them. I was too embarrassed to tell. Embarrassed that I let it go that far. I felt stupid. For getting myself in the situation. And disgusting like a used up piece of shit. Sometimes they'd do me at the same time anally and orally and I would get really hard and made things more embarrassed because I didn't want to but they used it against me. But a part of me wonders if I was targeted because of my demeanor?

Last edited by Blondie14; December 29th 2014 at 03:29 AM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
screaming at the sky

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: 1261'

Posts: 10,434
Blog Entries: 1684
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: Was I abused because I am intersex? - December 29th 2014, 03:06 AM

Hi there,

People abuse others for a variety of reasons and I cannot say for sure why you were abused. Some people who harm others are repeating what has been done to them or they're repeating what they have witnessed in the past. In my opinion, the bottom line is that mental health issues are involved; an abuser has to have some sort of illness to abuse other people.

Getting aroused during abuse is something that's completely normal. It's the human body and when someone is touching you, you're likely to feel some pleasure even if you have no desire to feel that way. It's nothing to be ashamed of; your body was reacting to what was being done to you.

Please feel free to send me a message if you need anything.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016
12.04.19 & 06.10.20

They whispered to her
you cannot withstand the storm
she whispered back
i am the storm.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Blondie14 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Blondie14's Avatar
 
Name: Mike
Age: 20
Gender: Not sure

Posts: 19
Join Date: November 30th 2014

Re: Was I abused because I am intersex? - December 29th 2014, 03:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassiopeia. View Post
Hi there,

People abuse others for a variety of reasons and I cannot say for sure why you were abused. Some people who harm others are repeating what has been done to them or they're repeating what they have witnessed in the past. In my opinion, the bottom line is that mental health issues are involved; an abuser has to have some sort of illness to abuse other people.

Getting aroused during abuse is something that's completely normal. It's the human body and when someone is touching you, you're likely to feel some pleasure even if you have no desire to feel that way. It's nothing to be ashamed of; your body was reacting to what was being done to you.

Please feel free to send me a message if you need anything.
The thing is they claimed it wasn't abuse because I didn't say no and we had been smoking weed so it was all supposed experimentation. But it really fucked up my life after that for one I get panic attacks I dissociate all the times and I am always fighting an addiction my family will never be the same and I can't see myself in a relationship with anyone now because all those feelings always have to do with them. There's not a day something has to do with that year it seems.


I felt violated like I didn't matter that's why I dispeared.

Last edited by Blondie14; December 29th 2014 at 04:13 AM.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
screaming at the sky

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: 1261'

Posts: 10,434
Blog Entries: 1684
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: Was I abused because I am intersex? - December 29th 2014, 03:52 AM

I'm pretty sure that you can't consent when you're under the influence of alcohol or drugs. You might not have said no, but assuming you didn't say yes, you didn't consent. And, like I said above you couldn't consent regardless and that was taken advantage of. You can refer to this thread for some information.

I can understand your lack of trust and it's completely understandable for you to be unable to see yourself in a relationship, but it's possible to work through this and get to a point where you're comfortable with the idea of getting into relationships.

Do you use any grounding techniques for your dissociation? Perhaps you can stomp your feet or do something physical to bring yourself back. You can also try to keep a conversation with someone or do anything that requires a lot of effort. Reading a book or watching TV could help as those are safe things to get lost in.

Does anyone know about what you've been through? If not, you should consider telling someone. You need talk about what you've been through so you can begin to heal.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016
12.04.19 & 06.10.20

They whispered to her
you cannot withstand the storm
she whispered back
i am the storm.
   
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Blondie14 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Blondie14's Avatar
 
Name: Mike
Age: 20
Gender: Not sure

Posts: 19
Join Date: November 30th 2014

Re: Was I abused because I am intersex? - December 29th 2014, 11:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassiopeia. View Post
I'm pretty sure that you can't consent when you're under the influence of alcohol or drugs. You might not have said no, but assuming you didn't say yes, you didn't consent. And, like I said above you couldn't consent regardless and that was taken advantage of. You can refer to this thread for some information.

I can understand your lack of trust and it's completely understandable for you to be unable to see yourself in a relationship, but it's possible to work through this and get to a point where you're comfortable with the idea of getting into relationships.

Do you use any grounding techniques for your dissociation? Perhaps you can stomp your feet or do something physical to bring yourself back. You can also try to keep a conversation with someone or do anything that requires a lot of effort. Reading a book or watching TV could help as those are safe things to get lost in.

Does anyone know about what you've been through? If not, you should consider telling someone. You need talk about what you've been through so you can begin to heal.
Yeah I feel like I was violated and exposed to things I was way too young for. They just blamed the fact that they were also under the influence so it was their lack of judgement of the situation for a whole year.

For me it's clearly just I can't see myself being a sexual human being that's why I had a few sexual incidence and now I have dissociated in regular day to day life. I Just can't be close to anyone aand I certainly don't trust guys especially older guys. I figure that's just for the better though.

When I dissociate I kind of am gone but there still I need to talk to T about it but I haven't really gotten into the subject because of other stuff it's connected to. But when I dissociate no one knows I'm gone it seems because I am interacting as if I'm there but I'm not and I don't remember what happened either.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
TheGuyinCanada Offline
TeenHelp Sponsor

Average Joe
***
 
TheGuyinCanada's Avatar
 
Gender: Male
Location: Toronto, Canada

Posts: 186
Join Date: September 27th 2014

Re: Was I abused because I am intersex? - December 29th 2014, 05:12 PM

Hello there,

people like to abuse others for many different reasons. One of the reasons is to control them. These individuals who abused you were probably trying to control you. What they did is very wrong and if they do it again report them. Cause this is a serious matter.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
screaming at the sky

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: 1261'

Posts: 10,434
Blog Entries: 1684
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: Was I abused because I am intersex? - December 29th 2014, 07:28 PM

I agree, you were violated and exposed to things you shouldn't have been and that's not okay. They can blame whatever factor that they want to, but it doesn't change the fact that the blame belongs on them. Under the influence or not, they put you through some awful things for quite a while and there's no excuse for deliberately harming someone in my opinion.

I can understand where you're coming from and I respect that. You don't have to do anything that you're not comfortable with. You have to put your needs and your well-being first. Try to remember that although there's a lot of bad in this world, there's also a lot of good in this world too. Good people do exist and I can promise that there are people out there who wouldn't ever harm you in anyway.

Dissociation comes in a lot of different intensities. Some people can carry on with day to day life while they're dissociative, and others cannot. I think the intensity of that also depends on the reasons and feelings behind the dissociation. Your body causes you to dissociate because it is trying to protect you. It's a defense mechanism for when things become too much to handle. It's common to not remember things from during the time when you were dissociative, even if you were interacting with others. If you feel yourself begin to dissociate, do you think you could use some grounding techniques or tell someone so you have their support? Maybe you can mention dissociation without talking about why, or you can say that you'll discuss those other things when you're ready. You can also write a note and give it to him or her so they can start the conversation.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016
12.04.19 & 06.10.20

They whispered to her
you cannot withstand the storm
she whispered back
i am the storm.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Blondie14 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Blondie14's Avatar
 
Name: Mike
Age: 20
Gender: Not sure

Posts: 19
Join Date: November 30th 2014

Re: Was I abused because I am intersex? - January 2nd 2015, 11:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lordakin View Post
Hello there,

people like to abuse others for many different reasons. One of the reasons is to control them. These individuals who abused you were probably trying to control you. What they did is very wrong and if they do it again report them. Cause this is a serious matter.
They always tried to enforce that I had control of the situation. That I was choosing to be their bitch. And that I liked/wanted it.
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Blondie14 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Blondie14's Avatar
 
Name: Mike
Age: 20
Gender: Not sure

Posts: 19
Join Date: November 30th 2014

Re: Was I abused because I am intersex? - January 2nd 2015, 11:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassiopeia. View Post
I agree, you were violated and exposed to things you shouldn't have been and that's not okay. They can blame whatever factor that they want to, but it doesn't change the fact that the blame belongs on them. Under the influence or not, they put you through some awful things for quite a while and there's no excuse for deliberately harming someone in my opinion.

I can understand where you're coming from and I respect that. You don't have to do anything that you're not comfortable with. You have to put your needs and your well-being first. Try to remember that although there's a lot of bad in this world, there's also a lot of good in this world too. Good people do exist and I can promise that there are people out there who wouldn't ever harm you in anyway.

Dissociation comes in a lot of different intensities. Some people can carry on with day to day life while they're dissociative, and others cannot. I think the intensity of that also depends on the reasons and feelings behind the dissociation. Your body causes you to dissociate because it is trying to protect you. It's a defense mechanism for when things become too much to handle. It's common to not remember things from during the time when you were dissociative, even if you were interacting with others. If you feel yourself begin to dissociate, do you think you could use some grounding techniques or tell someone so you have their support? Maybe you can mention dissociation without talking about why, or you can say that you'll discuss those other things when you're ready. You can also write a note and give it to him or her so they can start the conversation.
Somehow most everyone just sided with them though. My parents just treated me like I was fucked up and needed to be fixed through therapy. But they were kids too so I guess that's why it was seen as my problem. Plus I didn't want to talk about it. After the first month I would leave any time they did anything "mentally" speaking. And they claimed I was "very willing". I think that is when I started being another person. I'm sometimes not quite myself and become like a different persona I think I used to just one when I was in a sexual situation because that's what I did with them. So when it came to light that I had been abused by them. It was said I sought it out and shit like that. Because they said I came onto them. And idk if I did or not because I wasn't there all I know is at the start I didn't want it. Didn't like it. But felt really helpless to stop them. But my mind had the choice to be there or not.


It's hard sometimes though because my friends will trigger me. I am getting older and things just got worst in the sense of sexual attraction from guys. And much of the time I'd end up having sex with a few of my friends because I'd dissociate and just let whatever happen. But it's like the more I resist things the more my emotional I am and the more I dissociate in my life normally that's at least how this week has been. Because it's like I'm acknowledging rather than ignoring. I live my life running from anything that reminds me of those days it seems I think it's the safest thing to do until I sort things out in T. But now it's just gotten worst.

No one knows about my dissociation because I don't talk about it. No one seems to notice either. And I am scared of seeming nuts as well it makes me really embarrassed when I can say everything that happened in my day. I know to fix this I have to open up about it. I just don't really want to be judged for it.

Last edited by Blondie14; January 3rd 2015 at 04:23 AM.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
screaming at the sky

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: 1261'

Posts: 10,434
Blog Entries: 1684
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: Was I abused because I am intersex? - January 2nd 2015, 09:21 PM

Mental health awareness is something that is rather new; it's only really came to light within the past few years. Before then, not a lot was talked about and things unfortunately were swept under the rug. Your parents most likely grew up in a time when things were not talked about and their age when your struggles surfaced also probably has something to do with it. Perhaps they didn't know how to react, but it doesn't excuse the hurtful things that they said to you. There are people out there who will believe you, though. I, for one, completely believe you and I know that your therapist does too. If you ever want reassurance, you can ask your therapist to reassure you about what happened. I've found that to be extremely helpful.

Try to keep in mind that although you didn't have control over what was done to you, you do have control now and you might find some comfort in that alone. I know that feelings in general can be overwhelming and that can be a cause of dissociation. I think you should continue trying to let yourself feel, though, don't deny yourself the ability to feel. I know that running seems easier but the truth of the matter is that your issues will remain while you're running. If you let yourself begin to work through this, what you're going through will slowly become easier to fight. Working through something like this isn't easy, and it's a long road but things do change for the better.

I can assure you that your therapist won't judge you for this. Therapists hear about a lot of things; they've heard it all before. They aren't in the profession to judge their clients, they're in the profession to help people work through things. Your therapist will want to help you to the best of their ability. I know how hard it is to talk about things, but I know that you can do this. You might want to consider writing your therapist a note so he or she can bring it up.

I don't wish to post about my experiences on the forums, however, if you'd like me to share some of that with you or if you'd ever like to talk about anything, please feel free to send me a message.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016
12.04.19 & 06.10.20

They whispered to her
you cannot withstand the storm
she whispered back
i am the storm.
   
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
abused, intersex

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2021, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.