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angelapocalypse Offline
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Unhappy Confused - December 31st 2015, 07:48 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm 15 years old and when I was 7 or 8 (its hard to pinpoint) I was sexually abused by my stepbrother who was 12 or 13 at the time..I'm not saying rape because rape has many definitions...and my memory fails me.

I've known my stepbrother my whole life! He might as well be my brother. I remember how he touched me but not remembering seeing it. I remember how scared I was but how much I looked up to him...and etc.

My parents know. It came out last year. They took him away from me, but no charges against him. But they talk about him all the time. I love him, I miss him, and now he is gone but it's like it never happened. I have a lot of pain in my head but it isn't physical. I don't have a lot of people to rely on, but I have my girlfriend to support me I've self harmed, and more. Constant feelings of stress, hopelessness, and I feel like sometimes I don't exist or I'm numb.

I don't know what to do about my parents. I love them, but they do not listen to me and they already have a problem with my sexuality. My parents have problems with a lot of things I am not able to do. I'm weighed down.

Thank you for taking your time to read this!!
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Green Yoshi Offline
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Re: Confused - December 31st 2015, 11:21 AM

Hello Angela .

I think it would be best to have a heart-to heart with your parents, and clear up any negative feelings or any problems or misunderstandings they might have regarding your sexuality. It's best to also rant out your problems to your girlfriend, because the more outlets you have for your worries, the less they'll affect you. I also think that no matter what sexuality you are, everyone is entitled to be who they want to be. You should be who you are. Love the person you want to love, and be together with the person who makes you happy.

But you don't need to worry. You're better than you think you are, and you are a person who's real, a person who's deserving of more attention, more love and more care than what you're currently getting. Just enjoy being yourself... you're nice, you're capable and there's nothing you cannot do. This also means that the feelings of stress and hopelessness are all unneeded because you deserve to enjoy being you.

Just let go of the weight on your shoulders because you've every right to be who you want to be.. both on the inside and outside.

I hope I helped. If you wanna rant out more or just need a friend, I'll always be around for you!

It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.

rant to me if there's anything!



As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
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Re: Confused - December 31st 2015, 06:42 PM

I'm glad your parents were supportive when you told them about what your step-brother did to you. I know it can be really hard to tell someone about what you've been through and I'm proud of you for that.

It must be hard to feel like you don't have people to rely on but I'm glad you have your girlfriend. I agree with what was said about talking to your parents about things and if you talk to them, maybe you can ask them to help you find a therapist so you have some extra support to cope with all these feelings. Consider trying some other outlets, too. It might help to keep a blog or a journal so you have a safe place to talk about everything going through your head.

I think you'll also benefit from trying grounding techniques. You said you sometimes don't feel like you exist and it sounds like you're struggling with dissociation and depersonalization. It helps when you use things to stimulate your five senses. For example, you can smell some perfume, chew some strong minty gum, or play with some putty to help you feel more present. You can have a conversation with someone, read a book, or watch TV.

What things are you having trouble doing that you feel like you're disappointing your parents with? Maybe you can talk to them and explain that you haven't yet healed from what your step-brother did and perhaps explain that you need counseling to heal so you'll be able to function a little better.

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