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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Struggling. - July 19th 2016, 02:18 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So this is going to sound really weird, sorry. I've just been struggling with trying to feel better about life and abuse that's happened and is still currently going on. Is it normal to feel sexually attracted to an abuser although you don't want to go through the abuse? How I feel is just terrified.....yet somehow I have sexual feeling towards my dad.....I hate him I really do. I get mad whenever I see that someone has a dad that cares for them and I immediately wish the worst for them. Sorry I'm getting a bit off topic. But anyway, I just hate that I'm having these really strange feelings.

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Re: Struggling. - July 19th 2016, 09:26 PM

No need to apologise. Your feelings matter, and I'm glad that you felt comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings here.

Trying to feel better when you have been abused, and are currently being abused, is difficult, so it's understandable that you may feel like you are struggling with this right now. However, the abuse wont last forever and you will be able to get out of the abusive situation sooner if you can talk to someone, especially the authorities in your area.

In answer to your question, yes, it has been known to feel sexual attraction, even love towards abusers, even though you don't want or deserve the abuse. No-one can really say if it's 'normal' because everyone responds to abuse differently, but how you feel does not make you any 'less normal'.

It is common to have many different feelings towards abusers. While you may have sexual feelings towards your dad, you also feel hatred too, because of the abuse. Getting mad whenever you see that someone has a caring dad is also a common feeling. A dad should be someone who is caring, protective and nurturing. An abusive dad is the opposite. That feeling that you feel towards others with caring dads is because of the abuse you experienced. In a way, its a bit like grieving, where you are acknowledging what you should've had (a non abusive dad) but didn't get. This is understandably difficult for you to go through.

No-one should ever have to go through abuse, and when it happens to a child, it can stir up so many different and complex feelings. Are you able to talk with a counsellor or therapist about your feelings? It sounds like you have good awareness of how you feel and talking to a counsellor may help you to process these feelings, and be able to manage them better so they don't bother you so much.

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Re: Struggling. - July 20th 2016, 02:44 PM

Tbh I don't really want to talk about these issues with a counselor. I've been to a foster home before and it was really bad.

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