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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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DumbAmber Offline
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Am I a slut for looking it by abuse? - September 14th 2016, 02:24 AM

I grow up with someone that was molesting me, but i never felt abused. I never felt i was doing something i didn't want to do. He never felt hurt or hated. In fact i felt loved and wanted, and loved the attention. However I read about girls that got molested and how bad it was and how they hated it from day 1, from just a touch. Also I never felt bad about this until my mom found out. The way my family acted made me feel it was the worst thing ever. And if it was so bad, and i liked it, what does that say about me? Even seeing a therapist made feel bad. I must be some piece of shit, loser, slut whore to like it. No one likes to be molested!
Also my mom put him in jail, took him from my life, and i hate for that. I hate my family for hating him. I am not saying what he did was right, i know it was bad and he shouldn't have done it. But the only harm done to me was taking my dad from my life. its like he was killed, i can't see him or talk to him. I love him, and i don't think 1 bad act is a reason to judge someone. My mom and her parents have done a lot more harm to me than he ever did.


i am guess i am just a sick slut. it be better if i was just dead, then i wouldn't have to deal with the loneliness.

Last edited by DumbAmber; September 14th 2016 at 05:09 AM. Reason: Sorry title should be LIKING THE ABUSE
   
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Re: Am I a slut for looking it by abuse? - September 14th 2016, 10:00 AM

You feel that way because it's all you've ever known. I can understand why you feel angry at your mum for getting him locked up, but what he did to you was wrong. You may have felt okay with it, but only because you had grown up thinking it was okay. What he did to you could lead to relationship issues in the future and all sorts of problems. Don't take it out on your mother, she was only looking out for your best interests and protecting you.

There's no rule book stating how you should feel about this sort of thing. Everyone reacts and gets through it differently. You feel how you want to feel about this, as long as it helps you.


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Re: Am I a slut for looking it by abuse? - September 14th 2016, 01:41 PM

Like Jordan said, there's no rule or set way you should feel about this. Everyone's experiences are different and everyone's feelings, yours included, are valid.

You are not a slut for liking the abuse. Firstly, a lot of people who abuse children downplay it and make the child think it is a normal part of growing up, especially if the abuse is done by a parent. They do what they can to make you believe the behavior is normal, all the while ensuring you don't tell anyone. They usually do this by gift giving, having you keep a secret and making it seem special, or even by threatening.

Additionally, a lot of people respond to the abuse and they are not at fault for that. It is natural to have some sort of response when someone is touching you or doing something a certain way. That is not in your control and it doesn't minimize your experience or make it your fault in any way.

I bet it is hard to not have your dad around. Do you think you can maybe write a letter as though you're writing to him, or even talk to him out loud even though he isn't there to respond? That could release some of your emotions. Maybe you can look into ways of coping with any uncomfortable feelings like anger, or shame.

Are you still seeing a therapist and if not, can you revisit the idea of going to therapy? Your experience and struggling with feeling like a slut for reacting to the abuse might improve in therapy, and how you are feeling doesn't mean you don't deserve help. You deserve the most support you can get.


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Re: Am I a slut for looking it by abuse? - September 14th 2016, 03:42 PM

Possible Stockholm syndrome?
   
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Re: Am I a slut for looking it by abuse? - September 15th 2016, 02:01 PM

Stockholm syndrome is when someone loves or trusts a person who has done dangerous things to them.

However, please bear in mind that none of us are professionals. We can only make suggestions and give advice, which should not be taken as professional advice.


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