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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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I can't take this much longer - November 3rd 2016, 04:10 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Trigger warning; sexual abuse

I'm laying down in bed and I have this feeling like I'm going to start crying in any minute. Why won't leave me alone? I haven't seen you in a goddamned year and you're still haunting me? I'm tired of these fucking moments. You already raped my body now stop raping my mind!



   
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Re: I can't take this much longer - November 3rd 2016, 04:22 AM

I don't know if this helps, but they say the best revenge is living well.
Healing can take a long time. Have faith that it will happen, and in the meantime, do the best you can to be as happy as you can and treat yourself like royalty, you deserve it.
Sending warm wishes, feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to.


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Re: I can't take this much longer - November 3rd 2016, 01:48 PM

Eeba, I'm trying to live well. I'm trying to treat myself like a queen and have others treat me like royalty as well, but then nights like last comes and it is just impossible for me to be good to myself.



   
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Re: I can't take this much longer - November 3rd 2016, 02:23 PM

I am glad you are trying but I know how hard it can get sometimes. Do you think struggling like you did last had anything to do with the position you were laying in? I know some people who have been abused can't sleep in certain positions because it causes flashbacks or uncomfortable feelings. Do you think you can try to sleep in another position, such as on your side, to see if that helps?

You could also try to keep things in bed with you to make you feel safer. For instance, you could have some stuffed animals, or other grounding tools, such as a stress ball or a string with blocks on it. You could keep a coloring book or a regular book in bed so you can distract your mind before you try to fall asleep. Do lights bother you at nighttime? If not, you could keep a nightlight on.

Remember that it's okay to cry. I know it can sometimes seem like an annoyance, and it can be emotionally draining, but crying is a good release and there's no shame in doing it if you feel like it.

Something else to remember, as said above, is that healing takes time. There is no timeline; everyone's different. You said you haven't seen the person in a year, but it could take more time than that. It is hard and lengthy, but it is important to be patient with yourself.


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Re: I can't take this much longer - November 4th 2016, 05:31 AM

Update:

Things are getting somewhat worse. Some of my friends that are no longer friends of his have been posting anonymous hate messages on his Tumblr blog. He has called me names, denied that he raped me, played the victim of abuse when it comes to our relationship and even have a threatening undertone. I'm flat out scared of him; more than ever before.



   
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Re: I can't take this much longer - November 4th 2016, 02:06 PM

I'm so sorry, that's an awful thing to have to experience. It is nice of your friends to stand up for you, but does the fact that they're posting hate messages on his blog make you uncomfortable? It might be pushing his buttons and influencing him to call you names, more so than he would have without those messages. It might be worth explaining this to your friends and asking them to stop if you think that will help.

I know it is very difficult, but try as hard as you can to stop looking at what he posts. It's hard because you want to see it, but it's going to make you feel bad and you're better off not looking at it. I think over time it'll get easier for you to avoid what he is saying. If your friends are telling you what he says, maybe you can ask them to stop as well.

He's just trying to cover himself. Remember that you know the truth. You know what happened and no one, especially him, can take the truth away from you.


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The mountains are calling and I must go.
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Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
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