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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
~ginaa32~ Offline
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ahh, freakin.abuse..my life.. :( - May 21st 2009, 08:38 PM

oh boy oh boy
im not gonna sit here and front or anything but uh i need some major help.
im being abused by my parents (mom really) and as much as i want to get out there is that something that is holding me back. she hits me all the time and screams at me..her yelling is like..a..io-freaking-kno its awful, earpiercing. it leaves brusies and basically it has left me a wreck. ugh like seriously i hate complainng i really do, but AHH!!

its all my fault really..idc if u say its not, it is becuase noone gets mad for no reason! noone
i dont know what really happened all i kno is my dad left for iraq and i was sexually freaking assulted *fucking bastard*(prefer to soften the actual word up). i told someone i thought i could trust and she ended up telling my mother. i told her it never happened...I had to lie because my dad was in iraq and she had enough on her plate without worrying about me, she was dieing then, and i knew if i told her that it would kill her..and then wat..i loved her then..she was someone i looked up to, she was my mother...also because i was scareed to death of my attacker....
but now i HATE her...she is nobody to me..she is an attacker..i cant trust her and i dont like her..but really can she hate me cuz of that.? i get good grades, i do my chores..i do everything she tells me too.. .. i give her massages when she commands of it..ive scrubbed the floors with a toothbrush..wtf more does she want..she is CONTROLING me..i have never been in control of myself..ah!!
i never really told anybody, but some of yall on here and one person off line, i guess i never really gotton over anything that has happened.(wat a yr n a half in june..i sould be over the assult) but i have terrible flashbacks, which caused has me to cut (yes i kno very selfish), attempt suicide (also very selfish) and i stopped eating, drugs and drinking to cope. and my mother on top of that.
i cant and wont tell her what has happened to me because well that is not an option..she will murder me.. she tells me all the time that i am on thin ice.. one slip and i might as well dig my grave. but im done complaining..i need help..
~there is probably more that i am leaving out right now, but i am emotionaly in distress right now, so jus ask ill tell~

please someone..

hey please feel free to PM me about anything&everything!!

fly, fly high, the sky is ur limit

If I can't have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around.

Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Shannon Offline
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Re: ahh, freakin.abuse..my life.. :( - May 21st 2009, 10:07 PM

Maybe people don't get mad for no reason at all, but many don't have GOOD reasons, ya dig? Don't go blaming yourself, you sound like a perfectly good kid, most parents would be ENTHRALLED to have you.

So, try to look at this rationally, please. Just bear with me. Nothing's your fault. Even if it was, it's all in the past, and your mom does not sound rational at all, as it would not be rational to still be angry, or to be striking her child and yelling at her in such a way. It's very very important here that you get some mental help if you're having flashbacks, and if you were abused, and especially if you've got all this added stress from your mom. You don't deserve this. You are BETTER than having to live in an environment like this. Just go tell a counsellor or teacher about your mom, and eventually, you can get some counselling for the abuse. You're thinking, "Another person telling me this...I'm not really going to do this."

It's your choice ultimately, and I'm not the type to sit here and urge you and urge you until you give in, but deep down, you know it's for the best, and you know you're better than being hit and yelled at every day for things you haven't done.
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SimplyComplex Offline
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Re: ahh, freakin.abuse..my life.. :( - May 23rd 2009, 12:43 PM


It takes a strong person to live and cope with any kind of abuse. Especially alone. I am proud of you for sticking to your reigns and not giving up. Things can always get better if you try. As for your abuse, it isn't right. I think you know that. From what I read, you know you deserve more respect than what you're getting.

You are 17, you sound very mature and your mom is in the wrong. However, you don't need to turn her into the police. I can understand loving her and wanting her out of the criminal law. If you can write her a note to read when you're gone, maybe suggest going to a counselor together. I congratulate you for coming so far, but another big responsibility is knowing when to get help. You're a smart girl, with a good head on your shoulders. Don't let your mothers wrong actions ruin your chance of having a good life. Nothing is too late.

I realize how cutting helps, and same with drinking etc. All it does is numb you and cloaks your feelings. Your crippling yourself. Meaning, you begin to forget how to cope and simply rely on any drug you get your hand on. I've done/do that, it isn't good and I think you are a strong girl. As for flashbacks, those can be difficult. An important thing to remember is where you are. Concentrate on something happy in your mind and ground yourself. You can use music, a special stuffed animal, anything. You don't have to deal with those alone. If you find them too difficult, please see a school counselor. They can take the proper actions to help you. Asking for help is a courageous step, I have no doubts in your strength. You're old enough to start to choose what you want to be in life...take a hold of your life and fight back. You deserve better, and there is better out there.

Please don't give up. If you need anything, come and find me. Take care.
~Stay strong and have faith.

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Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
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ahh, freakinabusemy, life

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