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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Just Julie Offline
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A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 14th 2009, 12:46 PM

I went on the post secret website the other day, and stumbled across a card that I immediately related to, though I never put my feelings into such fitting words.
It said "Sex always feels like abuse."

I was wondering if anyone else felt this way.

Even if it isn't quite sex, but other intimate contact.
I had one abuse experience as a child. But I don't know if it stems from that, or if it could be something else.
I'd really like to find a way to get over it, so in the future when I'm in a relationship that I'm comfortable with, and it gets to that point, I won't feel that way.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 14th 2009, 12:57 PM

I feel the same way. I too was abused when younger, and i do feel it roots from this. Even when in a caring relationship, it still feels dirty. Possibly mirroring societies views.

I have no idea how to overcome it, but i'm hoping others will post on this too.


   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 14th 2009, 01:04 PM

Hey Julie,

I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. Have you tried speaking to anyone professional about it? For example, a counsellor?




Live on love.
   
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Re: A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 14th 2009, 01:22 PM

Once a few years ago, I'm trying to make an appointment to go back.

And good point, Maia. Is it society? Hm. I don't think so. Possibly.
   
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Re: A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 14th 2009, 04:15 PM

I dont think its society. I really enjoy sex, but only with my current boyfriend. I had sex once, at 15, with a boy id been with for 4 years. That made me feel violated, and am now a true believer in being ready, and making sure you are emotionally and mentally. Its important. However much you love someone, or however long you've been together is irrelevant.
Secondly, though, ive just started my second year councelling course, and i am very interested in victims of abuse. My best friend was abused, and it was horrifying to see how it affected her through the rest of her life, in so many different ways. I want to help find a way to stop that...sorry, i rant :P
Anyway, if you want someone to talk too, PM me x
   
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Re: A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 14th 2009, 04:25 PM

I experienced sexual abuse/molestation at the hands of two different people when I was younger. It is this that strongly led me to believe our experiences, and our culture, can strongly shape our sexual attitudes. The abuse led me to feel for the longest time that sex was the only way to get attention for boys and men, yet I felt so unfulfilled, upset, and alone when it didn't do that for me. Because I hadn't processed those experiences, I was unable to enjoy sex; quite the contrary, it was painful every time.

What changed for me was when I actually went to a long term program. There I learned exactly what effects the abuse had had on the person I became, and I was able to process my feelings over it in a safe way. After all those old ideas about self- esteem, love, and sex were torn down, I began to form new ones and gain new confidence. I began to see what love really is and what sex could be.

My current boyfriend is the only guy I have seen since that program. It is with him that I have learned it is possible to really enjoy sex and that abuse doesn't have to dictate how I feel about it for my entire life. I have escaped from under that shadow. I hope whoever wrote that card can one day do so, too.


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 14th 2009, 04:51 PM

Hi Guys. I'm sorry if this inconviences anyone, but a majority of the posts about here relate to abuse and dealing with the after effects of it- personally, I feel you might get more responses and assistance if this is moved to the Rape & Abuse forum, so I have done so. If you disagree, feel free to PM me.

Personally, I think it must be very difficult to deal with what you have gone through and if you can, try and look into programs for dealing with it- particularly if they have a way of helping you deal with sex in the future. I'd ask your local doctor, or women's support group if they know of any such program, or even support group.
   
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Just Julie Offline
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Re: A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 14th 2009, 05:43 PM

I'm always afraid to look towards a group for it or something. I wasn't raped, it was more molested I think, so I feel as if my experiences weren't "great" enough to cause this lasting of an affect. But I think it has.... and that scares me.
   
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Re: A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 14th 2009, 07:01 PM

Hey Julie.

First off, I'm really sorry for what you are going through. Rape or molestation, both are extremely traumatizing and effect people greatly. Really it's impossible to have to peoples' experiences compared because it comes down to the fact that what you've gone through hurt you and what other people have hurt them. I don't know if it's just me but if i were to go back and choose between having what happened to me happen or being molested I wouldn't prefer one over the other; I would still feel as I do. I would still feel like shit afterwards. You have every right to get help, and you deffinatly have just as much right as anyone else. I'm going to agree and say I think some form of counselling would help you a great deal. There are people who specialize in exactly how you are reacting and feeling, it's really just a matter of finding the right person.

I really hope things work out for you. If you ever want to talk don't hesitate to PM me
Take care.


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" He has no remorse for his actions,
And feels nothing but pleasure.
To see her suffer is his joy-
And her innocence is his treasure. "

is this what you really want from me..?
   
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Re: A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 14th 2009, 07:10 PM

I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way... I believe you should talk to someone about how you feel.


Just when you think things can't get any worse,
they do. I've learned that life is like an hourglass.
Sooner or later, everything hits rock bottom.
All you have to do is be patient and wait for
someone to turn everything back around. <3

   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
Just Julie Offline
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Re: A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 20th 2009, 09:00 PM

Update: Went to my therapist again. If you've seen my other post tonight you know it didn't end well.
If you didn't well.. She ended up trying to preach to me. Telling me that God wants to have a relationship with me.. that sort of thing. I'm an atheist.. and needless to say I won't go back to her.
So I'm still trying to find someone to talk to.
Thanks for all of your help guys! It means alot!
   
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Re: A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 20th 2009, 09:30 PM

Therapists should just shut up an agree witheverything we say lol no start preaching at us.. :P






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Re: A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 21st 2009, 06:42 AM

Yeah, I do. luckily my boyfriend is very understanding about it, but I don't think I could ever get over it if he wasn't. He looks after me so much, and if Im honest, telling him helped more than telling my counsellor.




fait
h is a bluebird that you see from afar
it is real and as sure as the first evening star
can't touch it, or buy it, or lock it up tight
but its there just the same
making things turn out right



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Re: A Post Secret on sex, anyone else relate? - January 21st 2009, 01:47 PM

yep that hits the spot thats how i feel but never thought of saying it that way
   
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