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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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random.swirls Offline
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Exclamation Abused by someone I used to know - February 16th 2017, 10:21 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.


Since November, someone who I know, has been abusing me. She used to be a friend of mine and we hadn't seen each other for a long time, so she asked if we could meet up so I said yes but she said could we meet up at mine instead of hers so I said yes thinking it would be fun and we would talk to each other about how we've been and do some painting as we both loved being creative.

The day she came, my parents were out and my brother was also out. When she came we were talking about how we've been and then she said why don't we go to your room so I said ok thinking that she just wants to see what it looks like as she hasn't been to my house for ages. She closed the bedroom door (luckily no lock) so I tried to open it as I get claustrophobic but she stopped me and held on to me. Then she started touching me and other things happened (things I dont want to go into detail) she left before my parents and brother came but before she left she said don't tell anyone or otherwise you'll wish you weren't alive.

She's been sending sexual text messages to me ever since and a few weeks ago she was at the same station as me, she was already there and was waiting by the top of the stairs but out of view so I didn't know that she was there. When I got up the stairs she grabbed my hand which left some marks there but she pretended that she was just holding hands with me when a station staff passed by. She eventually let go of me once the platform was getting busier.


Since then, I have been having panic attacks everyday and when anyone touches me e.g. Hugs me, holds my hand etc I end up having a panic attack. I've been having flashbacks at night and find it really difficult to sleep in my room.

I feel that my body is dirty and hate it and have started self harming since November. No one knows about what happened because I'm too scared to tell.


Be Strong, Have Faith, Have Courage xx

Current Mental Health - Sever depression, SAD,Self harm, Suicide thoughts, anxiety attacks and voices in my head.

Current Medicines - Fluoxetine

Feel free to PM me anytime , I love getting PM's and I love supporting people as it distracts me from my horrible thoughts.
   
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Re: Abused by someone I used to know - February 17th 2017, 12:35 AM

I am sorry to hear you experienced this but I am glad you posted this. I hope writing it out helped you.

It can be very difficult to feel that your body is dirty. I know it can be hard to see this now, but you are not dirty. Someone harmed you and the person who harmed you is the person who is dirty. The dirtiness does not belong on the survivor. Maybe you can come up with an affirmation you can repeat to yourself when you're feeling dirty.

It might help for you to try to make your room safer. For instance, you can sleep with a light on or a noise maker on so you can see your surroundings. You can wrap yourself in blankets or hold a stuffed animal or any object that brings you comfort to make you feel more secure.

How do you cope with your flashbacks? It can be tempting to try to prevent them but it is important to let them happen as preventing them only pushes them farther back into your mind. After a flashback, try to stimulate your five senses to ground yourself. You can suck on a mint, smell some perfume, or hold a stress ball, for instance. You can also practice self-care as well.

Being uncomfortable with touch is completely normal. You can avoid touch if that makes you more comfortable, however, bear in mind that touch could become more uncomfortable if avoided for a long period of time. If you still want touch from safe people, maybe you can remind yourself that those people are safe and you can cope with your panic attacks after being touched. Seeing that some people are safe can help decrease your panic attacks and your discomfort with touch over time.

You said you're too scared to tell someone and I respect that. It is important to be ready to tell someone and you will probably know when the right time is. In the meantime, I suggest writing about your experience and your memories of what happened so you can release them from your mind. The more you release, the less control it will hold over you.

Take care of yourself and feel free to send me a message if you need anything.


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Re: Abused by someone I used to know - February 18th 2017, 08:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassado View Post
I am sorry to hear you experienced this but I am glad you posted this. I hope writing it out helped you.

It can be very difficult to feel that your body is dirty. I know it can be hard to see this now, but you are not dirty. Someone harmed you and the person who harmed you is the person who is dirty. The dirtiness does not belong on the survivor. Maybe you can come up with an affirmation you can repeat to yourself when you're feeling dirty.

It might help for you to try to make your room safer. For instance, you can sleep with a light on or a noise maker on so you can see your surroundings. You can wrap yourself in blankets or hold a stuffed animal or any object that brings you comfort to make you feel more secure.

How do you cope with your flashbacks? It can be tempting to try to prevent them but it is important to let them happen as preventing them only pushes them farther back into your mind. After a flashback, try to stimulate your five senses to ground yourself. You can suck on a mint, smell some perfume, or hold a stress ball, for instance. You can also practice self-care as well.

Being uncomfortable with touch is completely normal. You can avoid touch if that makes you more comfortable, however, bear in mind that touch could become more uncomfortable if avoided for a long period of time. If you still want touch from safe people, maybe you can remind yourself that those people are safe and you can cope with your panic attacks after being touched. Seeing that some people are safe can help decrease your panic attacks and your discomfort with touch over time.

You said you're too scared to tell someone and I respect that. It is important to be ready to tell someone and you will probably know when the right time is. In the meantime, I suggest writing about your experience and your memories of what happened so you can release them from your mind. The more you release, the less control it will hold over you.

Take care of yourself and feel free to send me a message if you need anything.

Thank you so much for your reply. I like the idea of making my room safe by keeping a light on or a noise maker on - I will definitely try that tonight. Regarding the flashbacks, I splash water on my face but I like your suggestion of stimulating my five senses. I get so tempted to prevent the flashbacks as I find it really emotional and horrible.

I will try seeing that some people are safe next time a family member gives me a hug. I find the panic attacks are hard to deal with.

I love writing, so I like your idea of writing about the experience and memories as I find that I've bottled in so much and feel that I am going to explode if I bottle the memories any longer without telling anyone.



Be Strong, Have Faith, Have Courage xx

Current Mental Health - Sever depression, SAD,Self harm, Suicide thoughts, anxiety attacks and voices in my head.

Current Medicines - Fluoxetine

Feel free to PM me anytime , I love getting PM's and I love supporting people as it distracts me from my horrible thoughts.
   
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