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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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19vgrout Offline
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Is emotional abuse a real type of abuse? - July 21st 2017, 04:04 AM

My step mother is a toxic parent. she acts like I shouldn't ever be able to say anything against her. she tells rumors about me to the side of the family I don't know real well. She compares me to her birth daughters all the time, but adores my younger brother. she plays these little mind games where i can't win, and she gets upset about the stupidist things. Most of the things that go on in the house is my fault, even if I really didn't do it. she misheard me say something, and it got all blown out of porportion, and in the end i got yelled at by my dad, and sent to live with my grandparents for the summer. The thing is, I don't want to go back. I don't want to live with someone who hates me, but acts like I'm the one picking on her. I also don't want the court to get involved, as I'm not brave. I know if i ever do get court involved, I'll get up in front of whoever it is questioning me, and I'll falter. I'll get scared and my mind will go blank as to why i am there in the first place.
Because of this I am depressed. I've found ways to hurt myself that don't leave a mark, but it doesn't matter because it will never be anything compared to how she makes me feel. I have tried to kill myself, but she'll never know, because she can't see past the tip of her own nose.
dad says the only type of abuse there is is physical. I need help as to if I am the problem, or if she is. they make it sound like I am, but I just don't see what i did wrong. what do I have to do to make them let me stay at my grandparents permanently. I feel calmer and safer here than I have for a long time, and I am so confused as to what I should say. I don't want to say anything that will tick them off because then I'll never get to come back.
But I'm dead serious that i would rather die than go back to that hellhole.
Please, if you have any advice, please share it and help me figure out what to do.
   
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Re: Is emotional abuse a real type of abuse? - July 21st 2017, 01:53 PM

Emotional abuse is most definitely a real type of abuse. It may not be visible, but it leaves emotional scars long after things have been said and done. Perhaps your dad thinks that the only type of abuse is physical abuse because he doesn't know a lot about abuse, or he is telling himself that because he doesn't want to face how his wife is treating you.

You may be able to continue living with your grandparents without getting court involved. Do you think you could talk to your grandparents about how you're feeling and explain that you feel safer in their home than in the house with your stepmother in it? Your dad and your grandparents might be able to work some kind of agreement out.

Trying to hurt yourself does matter because harming yourself is an unhealthy coping mechanism and killing yourself is permanent. Do you use any self-harm alternatives? If you're interested, you can look here to find some that work for you.

Something a lot of people do is blog or keep a journal so they can express their feelings. That can be helpful because you can freely express how you're feeling in a safe place and it allows you to release things from your mind.

It may help to talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling as well, such as your grandparents or a friend so you don't have to do this alone.


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Re: Is emotional abuse a real type of abuse? - July 21st 2017, 03:38 PM

Thanks. I appreciate it.
   
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Re: Is emotional abuse a real type of abuse? - July 25th 2017, 03:52 AM

Ummm. . . if any one else has any other ideas or comments please let me know. they haven't called me since i got here during the fourth of july week. maybe they're happier without me.
   
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Re: Is emotional abuse a real type of abuse? - July 26th 2017, 02:29 PM

Maybe they didn't call because they need space or they figured you needed some space. It's easy to think that they are happier without you. Given what you have been through, your mind can directly go that route. Try to remember that there are a variety of different reasons as to why they haven't called you. You could consider calling them if you'd like to give it a shot and see how it goes.

Is there anything in particular about this that you'd like to discuss or receive advice for? If there's something particular on your mind and you want to talk about it here or through PM, let me know. I'm around if you need anything.


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Re: Is emotional abuse a real type of abuse? - July 27th 2017, 08:30 PM

Emotional abuse is definitely a thing and as it's been said, perhaps your father didn't realise this, as it can be common to think of abuse as a physical thing and not realise that emotional abuse is real and just as damaging.

It definitely sounds like your relationship with your step mother is unhealthy at times. There may be many reasons why your family hasn't called you since you first stayed with your grandparents. But remember that while your relationship with your step mother is strained, it doesn't mean that the rest of your family doesn't care about you.

I also agree with trying to talk to your grandparents about how you are feeling, and the situation with your step mother and ask if some arrangement can be made between them and your dad so that you can spend more time at your grandparents and away from your step mother.

I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you, but I do understand that you may feel misunderstood and badly treated. It can be tempting to think of hurting yourself or even suicide, especially if you feel trapped in the circumstances. But these options only hurt you more, and as it's been said, suicide is permanent, and despite how long and hard your life may be right now, it won't always be this way.

Keep holding on and reaching out to others, talking/writing about your feelings, rather than hurting yourself more when you are already hurting.


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