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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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FrozenRobot7 Offline
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How do I tell people? - October 10th 2017, 12:47 AM

First off, I am not implying that I was raped at all, and i donít even know if this belongs in this forum. But, this weekend was my homecoming and it was going great until about 1/2 way through. My friend and boyfriend were there, and we were just standing there dancing. But, out of the blue, a guy come up and completely grabbed my ass. I could have easily looked back and seen who it was, but I didnít want to know. I didnít want to see this person walking the halls for the rest of high school and associate him with this. But, after it happened, I felt disgusting and like I was just a body and nobody cared about anything else.

My friend and her boyfriend who were there both reached out to me after the dance and asked if I was okay. I told them both that something happened but that I would be okay. I want to tell my friend, just because I need someone to comfort me and distract me, because Iím not good by myself doing that. But, I just donít know how to tell her, because now at this point I feel like she will just think I am blowing it way out of proportion. But, it honestly really affected me, and it still is, and I know I need to talk to someone I trust about it.

So, I do I tell her without her thinking I am dramatic? And should I even tell her, or should I just let this be my deepest secret?
   
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Re: How do I tell people? - October 10th 2017, 12:57 AM

If she is your friend she will definitely see that it is still affecting you and will be there to support you. If I were you I would tell here and be like remember the other night well something happened that is really bothering me ever since and explain how it is making you feel. Like I said if she is a real friend as from what you wrote it sounds like she is she will be supportive.


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Re: How do I tell people? - October 10th 2017, 04:53 AM

You were sexually assaulted for sure, and that should be acknowledged. You're not being overdramatic at all. That being said, I think you should gauge how your friend might react. Think about how she would react if you told her what's bothering you or if someone else told her that. How would she react, and if she would believe you? Thinking that through, you can determine if you want to tell her about it.
You can also just go talk to a school counselor about it or another adult that can support you that you think will be supportive.


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Re: How do I tell people? - October 10th 2017, 07:40 PM

To be honest, there really is no right way to tell her. Either your friend will take it seriously or she won't. It is unfortunate but there are people out there who don't really see a huge issue with what happened. I had an experience like that a three or four years ago this month and the people I was with did not respond well. I have PTSD so that incident set me off and they didn't understand why I was acting weird and when I told them they made some really messed up comments. However, I did end up talking to my therapist about the experience as well as a friend and they both responded quite well. They were supportive and told me that I had every right to be upset about it etc.

So, I think that you should tell your friend and, as stated, it might be a good idea to gauge her response. If that isn't possible to do than it is important that if this friend doesn't end up having the best response you can look into talking to your school psychologist or something like that. At the end of the day, having someone talk to about what you went through can be really helpful.

Lastly, I just want to add that your boundaries were violated. You were assaulted. While some people might think it is not a big deal, it truly is. No friend, family member or stranger has the right to touch you in those ways unless you give them permission. It is unfortunate that someone chose to do this to you. Also, please don't beat yourself up for not turning around. That is a common response to something like this. At least, it is similar to what I did when I was groped a few years ago.

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Re: How do I tell people? - October 10th 2017, 09:44 PM

I agree with what others have said in that it could be helpful to talk about the assault and your feelings. You could tell your friend, and perhaps even say that you are worried about being over-dramatic (you're not, since no-one should touch your body like that without your consent). And then depending on your friend's reaction, you can decide whether to keep talking to her about how you feel, or whether she may not fully understand what happened and may not be the best person to talk with about this.

It's probably not a good idea to keep this to yourself, as it can get you down, and it's always good to talk about the things that bother you. If your friend doesn't react in a supportive way, keep reaching out to others as there are people out there who will support you!


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