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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
linaloves Offline
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I don't know... - May 27th 2009, 03:45 AM

Recently, I fell for an older guy, and I fell really hard. He would drive me to tutoring every week, and we would talk and he was sweet and funny and I just loved talking to him. Then, one day we kissed. It was a really good kiss, but tutoring was starting, so I had to go. Then every time I saw him, we would go a little farther. I didn't mind, at first. Then eventually, this guy I once knew had completely disappeared and what was left was a mean, horny guy that only liked me for my body. But I was so head over heals for him that I let him treat me like shit. Then one day he held me down by my shoulders and stuck his penis in my mouth... I had never given a blow job before, and I wasn't really planning on it anytime soon. I convinced myself that I wanted that... But I'm done lying to myself. Its not what I wanted, at all. I can't sleep because all I can think about is that one day in the back seat of his car... I don't know what to do. Is this rape? If so what do I do? Help me please...
   
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Jen Offline
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Re: I don't know... - May 27th 2009, 09:35 PM

Hi there,
I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you. You were taken advantage of by a guy that you liked and trusted. That should never happen to ANYONE. This was definitely assault. He physically restrained you. That is NOT okay. I'm proud of you for realizing that you did NOT want this. Remember that. Remember that you did nothing wrong and this is absolutely, positively, NOT your fault.

Is there anyone you feel comfortable talking to? A parent, sibling, teacher, or other adult? They can help support you during this and it is so helpful to have people in real-time who know what's going on and can be there when it gets hard. They can also help you deal with your feelings and emotions about what happened.

Please know that the memory will always be there but it won't be this intense forever. Time does heal, and reaching out (like by posting here, or talking to someone) helps that process along. This was NOT your fault. Take good care of yourself, okay? You deserve it. I'm here if you want or need to talk.

Jen




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soul Offline
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Re: I don't know... - May 27th 2009, 10:24 PM

Hey,

I want to let you know that I am proud of you for finding the courage to share your experience with us. I agree that what you went through was assault. It isn't okay for someone to treat you like that. If you are still seeing this person I think it would be a good idea to stop for the time being. Being around them is putting yourself in danger and it just isn't worth it. Do you think it would be possible to tell this boy how you feel about what happened in a letter or some similar form of contact? I don't know all of the details of the situation but he may not fully realize or want to accept that this was something you did not want. It is important that he realizes this so hopefully he does not engage in a similar situation with anyone else. If you don't feel like you are up for letting him know that is perfectly okay. You need to do what is best for you. I do think reaching out to someone could help you a great deal. You have people in your life that care about you and would like to help. However, they are powerless to help if they don't know what is going on. You have so many options of people you could reach out to. It could be a teacher, a friend, a trusted adult, a family member, a church member or religious leader, a police officer, a therapist, a hotline operator, or anyone else you feel comfortable telling. I am here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. Going through what you experienced is traumatizing and it will take time to heal. Talking about your emotions regarding the event can help in the healing process tremendously. If you keep these issues inside they will fester and grow into even bigger problems. What happened was in no way your fault. You are only in control of yourself. He made the choice to assault you and it isn't your fault. You can get through this.

Being frightened about sleeping can be a big issue because humans cannot function without sleep. You have to remind yourself that dreams cannot physically hurt you. He cannot hurt you anymore. It might help to make yourself feel safe before going to bed. You could do something comforting like drink some tea, hug a stuffed animal, snuggle with a pet, hear the voice of someone you care about, listen to relaxing music, write all of your worries on a piece of paper and rip them up remind yourself that you are stronger than your problems, take a soothing shower, or anything else that you could think of that might help.

Once again, I am here for you if you ever need me. You can get through this. Take care and hang in there.

Lots of love <3 Mimi



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Christinaa317o8 Offline
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Re: I don't know... - May 27th 2009, 11:08 PM

Hey there,

You are so, so, so brave for speaking out and looking for advice. I'm so sorry about this happening to you. =[

This is by no means okay, this is sexual assault, and sexual assault is illegal. This is not classified as rape because rape is defined as sexual intercourse, (penis to vagina, penis to anus)

Although, its not rape, it does not mean you were violated any less or any more than someone who was raped. This is wrong on many levels and its a complete violation to your body and your emotions. What this man did was completely wrong. He took advantage of you, and nobody deserves that.

This was wrong and you have to understand that this was not your fault. If he forced himself on top of you, he assualted you.

You seem scared, and thats completely understandable. Don't let this man into your life anymore. What he has done was more than enough to traumatize you. He's not a good guy to be with.

Hang in there. Think about all the possible people you can tell this to. Talking about it with someone you know on a personal level can sometimes be more helpful. But whatever desicion you make, just don't let it involve seeing that guy ever again.

You're very strong, his mistake and violation doesn't have to ruin your life. Don't let it. He isn't worth it. This is hard to overcome but you can do it.

Hang in there,

If you have any questions don't hesitate to send me a message.

ps. Welcome to TH =]


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Jaguar Offline
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Re: I don't know... - May 30th 2009, 10:16 PM

In a word, yes. It was rape.
I suggest you go to a rape crisis center and get some counselling to help you deal with this. Unfortunately, your story is not unusual and they have experience with this kind of thing. It's an issue that you have to deal with and it goes a lot better with help.
   
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