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.:Bibliophile:. March 29th 2018 07:44 AM

Emotional abuse
Is there anything that I can look up to find out signs for emotional abuse outside of a relationship? A specific search criteria or anything like that?

Everything I am looking up is for relationships which ... it does seem like the person I am interacting with is emotionally abusive to their partner but I don't know how to determine if they are emotionally abusive towards me.

I know a lot of therapists/professionals gloss over emotional abuse so I don't know that I can actually ask anyone.

I feel like the partner of the person I am interacting with has had therapist's who have glossed over the emotional abuse because it wasn't physical.

~Radio Flyer~ March 29th 2018 02:26 PM

Re: Emotional abuse
I had to think about yhis for a moment. Then i realized emotional abuse outside of child abuse and intimate relationships, csn be called "bullying" so i looked up the phrase emotional bullying and got this


What is Emotional Bullying?
Emotional bullying isn't just seen on the playground; emotional bullying, although likely subtler, is seen in adult relationships and workplaces too. An emotional bully might:1

Name-call, tease or mock
Use sarcasm
Put-down or belittle
Ignore or exclude from a group
Gang up on others
Humiliate others

Source: https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/e...otional-bully/

I hope this helps

cynefin March 29th 2018 02:55 PM

Re: Emotional abuse
Some professionals definitely gloss over emotional abuse. I am fortunate in that mine never has.

I like the idea of looking up bullying to see what you can find. You can also try changing your key words to see if that helps (e.g. passive aggressive behavior, family emotional abuse, etc).

.:Bibliophile:. March 30th 2018 12:05 AM

Re: Emotional abuse
Thank you both!

I am going to look this up. If I have any questions I'll let you all now. Since this seems to have been answered effectively I am going to close this. :)

.:Bibliophile:. March 31st 2018 02:48 AM

Re: Emotional abuse
I have another question and I felt like it made more sense to re-open this.

I did end up looking into the links and I found a lot of stuff about passive aggressive bullying. My question is...can someone be passive aggressive towards another person without meaning too?

Like, are all passive aggressive people actually intent on harming a person because the person is passive aggressive with a lot of people, I think, but not a ton of people speak up for themselves like I tend too and so I am wondering if over the years it's gotten to the point that they are being passive aggressive with me a bit more than others as a defense?

IDK ... I am just asking if something like this could be accidental especially after someone has asked them to change.

I get told a lot how much this person cares and how much this person thinks we have a good relationship. Could they be doing this stuff subconsciously?

Some of the things that I deal with are:

Boundaries being ignored after a long while --- years of knowing them and explaining that I don't like it
Mean comments ---the person constantly brings up certain things in a 'joking' way even though I have explained it bothers me. I got the person to stop one thing but only after a very long time and a few other circumstances where they were forced into stopping or they wouldn't get what they want.

There is more but these are the main ones. I know other people tend to kind of step back when they deal with passive aggressive people. I do notice this person acts differently around my friends and my family.

I guess the person could just be being mean but not bullying ... but if it's repeated over years why else would they be doing it especially when they don't tend to do it the way they do it to me when others are around. It does seem like they must know that they won't get away with it around other people...

Celyn April 4th 2018 07:28 PM

Re: Emotional abuse
Passive aggression can be a defense mechanism so it may be that someone is used to being passive aggressive. Though that's no excuse.

I think the biggest indicator would be that you have asked and explained that the things they do or say bothers you, and yet they continue to do this. It can be difficult to break out of behaviour patterns, but if they are open to changing things, even if it's just how they interact with you, then you should see these things lower over time, rather than feel that it only stops if it's forced or because they didn't get what they wanted.

.:Bibliophile:. April 5th 2018 03:41 AM

Re: Emotional abuse
Thank you.

I feel really guilty because the family member and I fought yesterday and I think they talked to the partner....things are awkward and my guilt is intense.

I like interacting with the family member but the partner can always me iffy. I feel like a bad person right now and maybe I shouldn't but I feel as though I have done something wrong.

The guilt might be normal when a person is the scapegoat and made to feel like they are imagining things but I am just ... struggling because as much as I struggle with the partner I still don't want the partner to be hurt.

I am feeling like all I do is hurt people. Maybe my feelings about it aren't valid?

Celyn April 8th 2018 09:57 PM

Re: Emotional abuse
I think your guilt is understandable. You don't want to hurt anyone, and it must be frustrating not to get on with this person, and yet worry about being the bad guy and hurting others.

But you aren't the bad guy. We aren't going to get along with everyone in our lives, and it can be difficult to figure out whether we might be in the wrong, or whether it's the other person, or even both. Whatever your feelings are, they are valid. And the fact that you don't want to hurt people, suggests that you might not be hurting others so much as you think.

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