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Dust and Ash

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Exclamation Bad night - April 13th 2018, 04:55 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

*please move if this isn't in the correct area!*

So I had a really bad night.

It started with eating dinner. I was having a good day, and was saving some leftovers for today. My stepdad starts telling me that I was just going to waste it and it made me cry. I told him I was going to eat it, then he told me to slam my bedroom door shut. So I went to my room and did just that and locked it. I laid down and cried, then heard my stepdad trying to open up my door. I remained in bed, and he got my door opened. He told me he was joking and I told him that I just wanted to be left alone. He told me to quit being so sensitive and I told him to leave. My mom started yelling at me saying that I needed to quit being a brat and needed to grow up. I just cried and stayed in bed. She told me I had no reason to cry, and I know that I had no reason to cry. I didn't mean to start crying it just happened.

But while I was laying down, I got a bunch of flashbacks to when my dad hit me and my stepdad telling me that I should cut deeper. I also got flashbacks of when I was 6 years old. I had forgotten this until last night, and now I have every more reason to not really trust family.

My mom was working at the local hospital. She drew blood. Well she needed a babysitter, so she called up my aunt. We'll call her V. V was one of my favorite aunts, mainly because she always cooked pizza. V started babysitting me and my then 3 brothers. My youngest then was about 1 year old. She locked me and the other 2 boys in a room with only a fan, old tv, and broken toys. It was a small room and she was also babysitting my two cousins. There were 5 kids, 1 girl and 4 boys in a small room. My youngest brother stayed in his crib. V never changed his diaper and kept his bottle in his mouth, even with old milk.
For lunch we ate stale pizza then were only allowed 5 minutes of tv time. Whoever was the best kid got extra time with V.

That went on for months. My little brother, now 9, has lost 50% of his hearing and has trouble understanding people. He never learned how to walk until the age of 3, and it was with the help of my other aunt.

It... traumatized me. I remember i would cry myself to sleep at night and I never wanted to go to V's house. I don't know how my mom found out of the mistreatment, but we eventually stopped seeing her. Now, I don't know what has happened. No one knows of her whereabouts.

Sorry if any of this is irrelevant or unimportant. Just thought I could share this, since it has left me feeling off because I learned to suppress the memories.


When the world drags you down, roll over and smell the roses.

Last edited by Unidentified~Unicorn; April 13th 2018 at 08:41 PM.
   
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cynefin Offline
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Re: Bad night - April 14th 2018, 01:42 PM

Sorry to hear that you had a bad night. Hopefully sharing what was on your mind helped, even if only a little bit. It seems like the treatment you endured from your mom and your stepdad may have triggered the memory of how you were treated by V and that is understandable.

Do you do anything to cope when you get a new memory back? Sometimes it helps to write it down and talk about it as you did here so it's not in your mind anymore. Do you have any feelings toward V or anyone else right now? Perhaps you could write a letter to them and then find a creative (but safe) way to destroy it.

I am around if you need someone to talk to.


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