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Heathen Offline
Beauty and Bedlam
Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Jordan
Age: 29
Gender: Female

Posts: 5,472
Blog Entries: 635
Join Date: January 6th 2009

I thought I had processed everything - April 17th 2018, 03:25 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey all.

My older brother recently decided to end things with his wife, seemingly out of the blue (everyone was shocked). We all tried to dissuade him and he ended up going quiet for a few weeks. I thought it was because he knew we didn't approve of his divorce and was avoiding us, but yesterday we finally got a message via a friend of a friend: my brother has permanently relocated to Columbia to be with "friends."

This has hit me particularly hard. I've spent a lot of time crying and I couldn't figure out why until I blogged earlier today. When I was a child my brother sexually abused my sister and I. For a long time it really messed me up, but I got a lot of therapy in my teens and I thought I was past it. I don't know if I ever truly forgave him for what he did, but I got to a place where I could be around him and feel comfortable, even enjoy myself. Things were peaceful between us.

Back when the abuse happened, though, my brother suddenly went to live with his father (he's actually my half-brother). He just left, and I was left holding all the pieces, all these feelings he'd created by abusing me. And now he's done it again, he's left, leaving us confused, upset, and holding all the pieces that amount to his bad choices. I feel like that small child again, just bewildered and crushed.

It makes NO sense because I'm not even that close to him! I don't even like him that much. So I don't know why this is affecting me the way it is but I wish it would stop. Why would I suddenly have so much trouble with something I put to rest ten years ago? I don't understand.

Any support is appreciated. Thank you.

The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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processed, thought

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