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Exclamation Abusive Father (Part one of my story) - May 1st 2019, 03:43 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

April 30, 2019
I realized that setting up my profile isn't enough to actually help get rid of this hole in my chest. The whole that writing fills. I haven't been able to write in so long it seems like I no longer know how. I need to be doing so many other things right now that I am contemplating erasing all of this and just doing it tomorrow. I am trying to power through it. I guess I can begin telling the fucked up story that is my life, but the question is: Will anyone actually care enough to read it? I guess I'll find out.

When I was born my mom and dad got divorced. I loved my parents because that is what little kids do. I idolized my dad. I only got to see him every other weekend unless it was a special occasion, so naturally since I saw him less he was more lenient that my mom was. My dad was the best because he let me stay up late, I didn't have to eat veggies, I could watch movies and play outside all day. He never cared, and I loved it. My dad slept a lot. He was hard to wake up and when he did wake up he always woke up grumpy. He would get up and go get breakfast. His girlfriend of seven years left us. I didn't understand why, but she taught me a bunch of things before she left. She taught me how to cook vegetables on the stove, and how to make other, small things. She taught me what junk mail was and told me that it was okay to throw it away. She taught me how to do laundry, and then she left. I was so confused. I knew that her and my dad fought a lot but I never thought she would leave us. I remember the day that I finally realized why she left us. I was cleaning up the house, throwing trash away, and I was picking up the aluminum cans and putting them in the trash, but I realized one wasn't empty so I poured it out and threw it away. When my dad woke up he was looking for it. He cam bursting in my room (I was five) and he took my favorite stuffed animal away and threw it across the room. I went to go get it and he picked me up by one of my arms and shook me in the air, demanding I told him what I did with his beer. I told him and he threw me into the corner. I grabbed Hop Hop, my toy bunny and I crawled into the corner and brought my knees to my chest. This was the first time that I can recall my dad's drunken abuse. He not only threw me into that wall, but he wouldn't let me call my mom. I was called many names that day but the one that I can still hear in my head is 'psycho'. This abuse only got worse. It got more and more painful every time he hit me, until I got big enough to take it. My mom never knew how bad it was. The verbal abuse got worse too but the word 'psycho' still rings in my head every time I have a panic attack. This memory still haunts my dreams. He still haunts me. I never This is the first story I have ever told to anyone except for my closest friends and family.

If you have ever been through something similar, or if this has affected you in any way at all, don't hesitate to contact me. I will be back tomorrow. Until then stay strong. I love you all. Even those of you who I don't know.
Thank you for reading part of my story,
Anonymous Blonde <3

If you're looking for a sign, this is it. Don't give up.

Last edited by Anonymous Blonde; May 1st 2019 at 03:44 AM. Reason: Error
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Re: Abusive Father (Part one of my story) - May 1st 2019, 07:34 PM

Thank you for sharing part of your story with us. We do care and your story will be read by many people, I'm sure. I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been able to write things down for a while, but I really hope that it helped you a bit to write your story down.

I'm saddened to hear about your dad's drunken verbal and physical abuse when you were so young. You didn't deserve it at all and I understand that certain words would fill you with panic and terror on remembering what happened. It was brave of you to tell us and I'm glad that you told your closest friends and family and I hope it helped. I'm also wondering if you have talked to a professional, such as a counsellor? You might want to look into counselling since the memories are still affecting you. You deserve to heal from this

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Re: Abusive Father (Part one of my story) - May 6th 2019, 01:07 PM

Hi there,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. This was incredibly brave of you and I'm sure a lot of people will be moved by it - I know I was.

I'm so, so sorry to hear about how you were treated when you were younger. It sounds like not only were you abused, but you lost someone very important to you when your father's girlfriend left. Please know that none of this was your fault and that you deserved to be loved and cared for.

Again, thank you for sharing this with us - I hope doing so was helpful for you.

All the best,

Last edited by Amaranthus; May 7th 2019 at 04:00 AM.
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abuse, abusive, abusive dads, abusive fathers, alcholic dad, father, mental abuse, pain, part, physical abuse, story, verbal abuse

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