I'm so confused about my sexuality and gender identity?

[shybookworm]

I am a female. I've been questioning about my sexuality and gender for a long time now.

I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or a lesbian. I've always had crushes on girls. I never had a crush on a guy. They are gross to me.

I've always been tomboyish. I wear jeans and a t-shirt and sneakers. I have always had long hair. But I've never really liked it. I don't know why. I never wear makeup.

I feel really uncomfortable with my breasts..I feel extremely anxious and bad about my body every day. I wish my breasts were smaller. I wish I was flat chested.

Am I transgender or nonbinary?
Am I bisexual or a lesbian?
Am I just straight and confused?
Is it just normal for a girl to feel bad about their body like this?

Please give advice. I feel depressed.


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Originally Posted by shybookworm

I am a female. I've been questioning about my sexuality and gender for a long time now.

I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or a lesbian. I've always had crushes on girls. I never had a crush on a guy. They are gross to me.

I've always been tomboyish. I wear jeans and a t-shirt and sneakers. I have always had long hair. But I've never really liked it. I don't know why. I never wear makeup.

I feel really uncomfortable with my breasts..I feel extremely anxious and bad about my body every day. I wish my breasts were smaller. I wish I was flat chested.

Am I transgender or nonbinary?
Am I bisexual or a lesbian?
Am I just straight and confused?
Is it just normal for a girl to feel bad about their body like this?

Please give advice. I feel depressed.


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Also I hate having a period. I feel more depressed when I'm on my period.

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Originally Posted by shybookworm

Also I hate having a period. I feel more depressed when I'm on my period.

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Is it normal to be depressed during your period?

Please help.

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[Ennui.]

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this! I've definitely been there and it's tough when you are questioning your sexuality and gender identity. I first want to say that it definitely is okay that you are questioning these, and there is no shame in it either. No matter who you are, you are amazing and you are loved.

I want to start out by saying that only you can make the ultimate decision about what sexuality and gender identity are. You are the person who knows you best, and it's whatever you feel the most comfortable with.

You said that you think guys are gross to you and you've never had a crush on one. Can you picture yourself ever dating a guy? If not, it may mean that you don't have sexual or romantic feelings towards guys. Can you picture yourself dating a girl, since you have crushes on them? It may point to you being a lesbian. When you're comfortable with entering the dating world it's okay if you try to date different people and see what you're most comfortable with.

As far as your gender identity goes, do you feel comfortable with saying that you're a girl/woman? One thing you can do, if you are able to do so safely, is experiment with different pronouns and ways of expressing your gender. For example, can you ask your friends to start calling you "he" or "they" if you think it would make you more comfortable? If you don't like it, you can always revert back. You said that you normally wear jeans, a T-shirt, and sneakers. Are there certain other clothes or types of outfits you'd want to wear that express your gender identity differently? Would you be allowed to cut your hair? People of any gender identity can have short hair and look great doing it!

There's something known as binders that can help reduce the appearance of breasts, if you're looking to appear more flat-chested when in public. This is an article that talks about binding safely. Binders can be found online. Do not bind with duct tape, ace bandages, or anything not approved as a binder as this can cause lung issues and even broken ribs. Remember you can't wear the binder 24/7, though, for example not to sleep or to exercise. But, this may help with some of the discomfort you feel. If you can't bind, maybe wear a sports bra and layer your clothes.

I don't know how old you are, but if you're a teenager you are definitely at a time of life where it's common for people to feel uncomfortable about their bodies. Everything is changing and hormones are all over the place. The teenage years can be rough. Try and list things that you do like about yourself that you can remind yourself about when you're feeling down on yourself. These can be both physical things (for example, "I like my eyes," or "I like my smile,") or other things, ("I like that I'm good at art." "I like that I care so much about others.")

I get the period thing too. I got my period when I was 11. I would get angry and depressed around my period. As an adult with mental illness, my mental illness gets exacerbated when I have a period. Birth control has helped me so much. As a teen, it helped keep me regular and would help regulate some of the hormones that were going through me. I eventually got on Nexplanon, which is an implant in the arm, and it stopped my period. There are several birth control options that can lighten or stop a period entirely, but this is a conversation to have with your doctor.

I hope this helps! Remember that you are not alone going through this.

Dez

[shybookworm]

Hi thank you for replying. I don't have any friends in real life. And my family is Christian. They don't support the lgbt community at all. They make homophobic and transphobic comments all the time. I feel so lonely. I'm over 18 but I still live at home. I don't have a car or know how to drive. And I don't have a job. I have depression and anxiety and mild autism. My mom drives me everywhere.

I would love to use new pronouns. Should I use new pronouns online? I really want to try wearing mens clothing.

How can I buy men's clothes?

Or how can I make womens clothing look more masculine?

I can't bind but I could wear sports bras. And do you have any tips for layering clothing?

Also I am actually going to the hairdresser next week. I told my mom that I want to get a haircut. But I really really want to get my hair cut in a half shaved pixie cut. My mom said no to getting it shaved. Because she doesn't like shaved haircuts.

She said I can get a pixie haircut though.

Is there anyway to make a pixie haircut look masculine?

Or how to convince my mom to let me get it half shaved?



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[Ennui.]

I'm sorry to hear your family is like this. It isn't right that they aren't willing to accept you or other people based on their religion. There may be support groups for LGBTQ+ individuals online that you can join. Check out one of the resources we have called the Trevor Project. They even have a social media platform, Trevor Space, for people aged 13-24, to meet other people in the LGBTQ+ community. I don't think it lets you join if you are over 24, though. There may also be groups in person but I understand that you don't drive. I don't drive either and it can be tough to get there! There may be bus routes that you can try.
Using new pronouns online can be a great start! Use whichever ones make you most comfortable on TeenHelp and other sites.
I usually buy my clothes online. It may take trial and error to find clothes in the right size, though, if you go this route.
I would wear the sports bra for starters and then add layers from there. For example, a tight-fitting (but not restrictive) undershirt or tank top under the T-Shirt you are wearing. I looked online for more tips and they said baggy clothes might not actually work well because it can cause shadows or hang off your chest and create more curves where you don't want them to be. It also suggested using darker colors/patterns.
Do you think you can pull your hairdresser aside and explain your concerns to them? They've probably seen a lot of different requests in their time and might be able to accommodate you.

[Ambedo.]

Hey,

I'm really sorry that this is something that you're struggling with. I've personally struggled with my sexual identity in the past and I know how difficult that can be to grapple with. No matter what, the most important thing that I want you to know is that there is no shame in questioning either and that you are completely valid, no matter what your identity is. You are loved and you are important.

When I was in my teens, I went through a really similar struggle regarding my sexual orientation. I had friends who were boy-crazy and I always wondered why I couldn't be more like them. Instead, I had no interest in boys whatsoever and would just go along with whoever they said was cute to try to "blend in". It wasn't until I was 16 that I realized I was a lesbian. One thing that helped me reach that conclusion was to think about my future and try to picture myself dating a man. I tried to imagine it and think about whether or not I could really be happy in that life. Perhaps that's something you could try as well. You may also want to try to picture your future dating a girl and see what feelings that sparks in you. When you're ready to start dating, you can also try dating different kinds of people and see how you feel with each. It doesn't have to be anything serious. Sometimes something as simple as going on a date to a coffee shop or out to dinner can show you what level of interest you have in pursuing something further.

As far as your gender identity goes, perhaps you could experiment with different pronouns. I think your idea to use different pronouns online is a great start! It will help you figure out what you feel most comfortable with in a safe environment. Also, please keep in mind that you are never "stuck" with the first set of pronouns that you choose. If one set doesn't feel right, you can always switch to a different set and see how that feels. It's all about finding what makes you most comfortable and what feels most in line with who you are. When it comes to clothing, there are a number of different clothing options out there that may help you find your unique sense of style in a way that allows you to express your gender identity in the way that feels best to you. Because you mentioned that your home environment is not particularly supportive, I did want to mention one quick option: men's Hanes t-shirts. They're typically plain and come in a variety of colors. They pair really well with tomboy-style outfits, but are also pretty easy to feminize rapidly if you're in a situation where that becomes necessary. They were a lifesaver for me back in the day! Beyond that, I would recommend checking out the men's section of stores or websites, depending on where you shop. Even if you're not in a position to be able to purchase the clothes, you may be able to get a sense of the clothes that best fit your style. From there, you'll be able to work on building a collection.

It's totally normal to feel uncomfortable about your breasts and/or their size. If you're not able to utilize binders, sports bras can be a great option for minimizing the appearance of your breasts. I would recommend checking out compression sports bras, as those are designed to help flatten your breasts when worn. However, as with binders, please make sure not to wear them at all times, particularly when you're sleeping. If you choose to go the binder route, I would highly recommend doing research on brands and binder safety.

It's also totally normal to feel depressed around your period. It's a pretty common symptom of PMS, which affects a huge number of people who have periods. When you're experiencing that depression, is there anything that you can do in the way of self-care? I've learned that taking time for activities that help me relax really help with the depression aspect of it all. If possible, taking birth control is also a way to help mitigate some of those symptoms.

One last thing that I wanted to mention is the fact that you stated that you don't have a supportive family. I know firsthand just how painful that can be. I would highly recommend looking for communities, perhaps online, that offer safe spaces for LGBTQ+ individuals. Building a sense of community can be so beneficial as you navigate all of this.

At the end of the day, please remember that gender and sexual identities are fluid. There is no label that you give yourself that can't be changed down the line if you realize there is a different word that feels like a better fit to describe your experience. Give yourself the freedom to figure it out naturally and everything will fall into place.

[shybookworm]

Originally Posted by Ambedo.

Hey,

I'm really sorry that this is something that you're struggling with. I've personally struggled with my sexual identity in the past and I know how difficult that can be to grapple with. No matter what, the most important thing that I want you to know is that there is no shame in questioning either and that you are completely valid, no matter what your identity is. You are loved and you are important.

When I was in my teens, I went through a really similar struggle regarding my sexual orientation. I had friends who were boy-crazy and I always wondered why I couldn't be more like them. Instead, I had no interest in boys whatsoever and would just go along with whoever they said was cute to try to "blend in". It wasn't until I was 16 that I realized I was a lesbian. One thing that helped me reach that conclusion was to think about my future and try to picture myself dating a man. I tried to imagine it and think about whether or not I could really be happy in that life. Perhaps that's something you could try as well. You may also want to try to picture your future dating a girl and see what feelings that sparks in you. When you're ready to start dating, you can also try dating different kinds of people and see how you feel with each. It doesn't have to be anything serious. Sometimes something as simple as going on a date to a coffee shop or out to dinner can show you what level of interest you have in pursuing something further.

As far as your gender identity goes, perhaps you could experiment with different pronouns. I think your idea to use different pronouns online is a great start! It will help you figure out what you feel most comfortable with in a safe environment. Also, please keep in mind that you are never "stuck" with the first set of pronouns that you choose. If one set doesn't feel right, you can always switch to a different set and see how that feels. It's all about finding what makes you most comfortable and what feels most in line with who you are. When it comes to clothing, there are a number of different clothing options out there that may help you find your unique sense of style in a way that allows you to express your gender identity in the way that feels best to you. Because you mentioned that your home environment is not particularly supportive, I did want to mention one quick option: men's Hanes t-shirts. They're typically plain and come in a variety of colors. They pair really well with tomboy-style outfits, but are also pretty easy to feminize rapidly if you're in a situation where that becomes necessary. They were a lifesaver for me back in the day! Beyond that, I would recommend checking out the men's section of stores or websites, depending on where you shop. Even if you're not in a position to be able to purchase the clothes, you may be able to get a sense of the clothes that best fit your style. From there, you'll be able to work on building a collection.

It's totally normal to feel uncomfortable about your breasts and/or their size. If you're not able to utilize binders, sports bras can be a great option for minimizing the appearance of your breasts. I would recommend checking out compression sports bras, as those are designed to help flatten your breasts when worn. However, as with binders, please make sure not to wear them at all times, particularly when you're sleeping. If you choose to go the binder route, I would highly recommend doing research on brands and binder safety.

It's also totally normal to feel depressed around your period. It's a pretty common symptom of PMS, which affects a huge number of people who have periods. When you're experiencing that depression, is there anything that you can do in the way of self-care? I've learned that taking time for activities that help me relax really help with the depression aspect of it all. If possible, taking birth control is also a way to help mitigate some of those symptoms.

One last thing that I wanted to mention is the fact that you stated that you don't have a supportive family. I know firsthand just how painful that can be. I would highly recommend looking for communities, perhaps online, that offer safe spaces for LGBTQ+ individuals. Building a sense of community can be so beneficial as you navigate all of this.

At the end of the day, please remember that gender and sexual identities are fluid. There is no label that you give yourself that can't be changed down the line if you realize there is a different word that feels like a better fit to describe your experience. Give yourself the freedom to figure it out naturally and everything will fall into place.

Thank you so much for your help and advice!

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