Oral sex with sisters boyfriend

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Hi I'm Lisa and I'm 16.

My sister is 23 and her boyfriend often stays over. He's 26.

For several weeks now after my sister leaves for work her boyfriend has been coming into my room and making me give him oral sex. I can't stop him so I just give him what he wants.

My problem is as I don't try to stop him now and have gone with it he's actually started staying over more often now.

What should I do?

Lisa.[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

[.:Bibliophile:.]

1) How old are you? If you are underage this is illegal
2) Even if you are giving him what he wants, what he is doing is wrong and he is coercing you into sexual acts. This is a form of sexual abuse.
3) I think you need to find a way to be safe. If you told your sister how would she react? Do you have a safe person you can confide in. Going to the authorities is a personal decision but you might want to highly consider talking to a safe person so you can find a resolution that will lead to your safety.

[Rivière]

Hi Lisa! Welcome to TeenHelp!

Just because you haven't tried to stop him doesn't make it any less worse than it is. He's making demands of you in a way that you don't like. Not all victims of abuse resist their abuser. You may go ahead and give in to his demands out of fear, or because you feel like your sister won't believe you. It's quite common for victims to be placed in such a situation.

If you were to say no to his demands, do you feel like he could physically hurt you, or try and take his sexual behaviour further?

Is there another family member you could speak to about this? Or do you have any friends that you may be able to chat to about the problem? Do you think his side of the family would be open to listening to you about what's going on?

If you're worried about being believed, is there any way you could download an audio recording app on your phone? This way when your sister has gone to work and you're left with her boyfriend, you can activate the app to record and capture his behaviour. Another way is to set up your phone's camera at an angle you know will work, and attempt to video record the situation, this way you have both audio and video footage of his abuse.

In the event you feel unsafe at any point, here's a list of hotlines that may be of help to you: http://www.teenhelp.org/hotlines/#rape_and_abuse

I understand that talking about what's going on is very difficult, but please don't suffer in silence!

[Mooys]

Hello,

I made an account just to reply to you - I'm just a random internet stranger, but this story really disgusted me. Not with you - you are innocent in this. But with that guy.

I hope you read back and see our replies.

The only question that matters here is

ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS? DO YOU WANT TO GIVE HIM ORAL?

Everything I write now is assuming that you do not want him to do this.

I need you to PLEASE please understand that you are not at fault here. This is not your fault. Never feel guilty. Please.

It's been said in another reply and I know it sounds scary but it is sexual abuse. This is illegal, and I know this sounds scary too, but this guy could face serious penalties for this. Again this is not your fault. This guy made his choices. He chose to do this.

The main thing is for you to no longer be in this situation. I absolutely urge you, and implore you, to talk to any adult you can trust. This can be a parent or an aunt, a teacher, and most schools will have councelors or guidance teachers that will be able to help you. School guidance teachers (that's what they were called in my place) really helped me out, even if you expect nothing from them, they can surprise you.

I wish you all the best and strength and wish I could do more for you. Please don't hesitate to use the hotlines mentioned by the other poster.


Edited for formatting

[cynefin]

Hi Lisa,

You've received some great replies so far. I am going to move this to the Rape & Abuse forum as I feel you'll get better replies there. In the meantime please know we are here for you.

[Dusk.]

Hi there,

I agree with the above users in saying that what your sisters boyfriend is doing is not right. Is this what you want to do? If not, I would suggest talking to someone about it.

[Mallika]

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your story with us.

I think your sister's boyfriend's behaviour is inappropriate and - please don't mind me - downright disgusting. He is taking advantage of your naivety and compliance. As others here have mentioned - you are underage and so this is illegal.

There are a few things you can do, but they all boil down to making this matter open. You've already taken the first step by reaching out to us, so well-done about that!

Firstly, you need to talk about this to your sister or to your parent(s)/guardian(s). This cannot go on - it is not only disrespectful to you as a female, but it is a gravely sickening act on his part. It is unfair that you have to continue putting up with this. Like others have mentioned, you are the victim here and you're not doing anything wrong. Therefore, you have every right to bring this matter up to your sister. Since it's her boyfriend that is doing such a thing, it is logical to have a serious conversation about this with her first. Tell her everything that is happening and how you feel about this. It's natural that she will react in a startled, indignant or even angry manner, but don't let that stop you.

At the same time, it is also sensible to talk to your parents or guardians about this. It appears you are quite young, so I believe your parents/guardians are mainly responsible for your house. Hence, they may be in a position to limit your sister's boyfriend from coming over.

Thirdly, if you feel up to it, you can directly confront the boyfriend. Tell him no, that you will not comply to his demands. However, I am concerned that this might lead into a more aggressive confrontation and I don't want you to be hurt in the process, but I am still putting it out here because I want to underscore the fact that you can feel empowered to stand up for yourself. You have every right to say no. You don't have to listen to what he wants if it's making you uncomfortable. Perhaps you can walk out of the room when he comes in or go and sit in a common room, to start with.

You are free to DM me if you'd like to chat about anything. Remember, we're all here to support you. Stay strong!!