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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Naivety Offline
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Help! My Father Loves Me Too Much! - June 2nd 2009, 04:59 AM

Please, someone help me. For the past few years, it's been getting worse and worse. Compared to other's problems this... feels minor, but tonight made me decide I needed someone, anyone, to talk to. I love my Dad. He's the best dad I could ever hope for. He's funny, kind, caring, etc. He and my mom are still together, and things seem alright with their marriage. But... Mom goes to bed early, and he and I tend to stay up later, and my siblings go to bed early too. My dad will come up stairs, and lie in my bed next to me, on top of the covers. We'll talk, and he'll watch me as I type on the laptop. It's like a sort of secretive game. We listen for mom, and he'll get up and leave the room before she finds out. If not, he'll kiss me, caress my arms and face, but no further. He'll tell me how much he loves me, and how beautiful I am. I tell him I love him, too. He sometimes massages my back, and to my extreme discomfort, my bottom. When I shower, he will come and look through the curtain at me, and will hold the towel and wrap me in it when I exit. This has been happening for over two years.

I can't bring myself to push him away. I love him very much. I don't want to hurt him, or my Mom. I had hoped, that I could make it to college and never have to worry about it again. But tonight, he said something as he was lying next to me that made me come here. He said, "I wish we could do this without being afraid. What do you think?"

My breath caught, and I muttered, "I don't know." And shrugged.

Please... please help.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Bill Mather
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Re: Help! My Father Loves Me Too Much! - June 2nd 2009, 05:11 AM

This is abuse and if it making you feel uncomfortable, then you should report it or tell your mom someone needs to know.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Help! My Father Loves Me Too Much! - June 2nd 2009, 05:13 AM

It would ruin everything! My parent's marriage, my mom's love for me... everything...
   
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Re: Help! My Father Loves Me Too Much! - June 2nd 2009, 05:24 AM

Honey, take a deep breath. It wouldn't ruin everything. And your mom will definitely still love you. Have you tried telling your dad before that it makes you uncomfortable? I know that you're worried about pushing him away, but you could try telling him that you really love him as your dad and that you appreciate him, but that now that you're older or something, you'd like a little bit more personal space, or just be honest with him. The people who love you will want you to be honest with them. Or is there a school counselor or anyone like that you could talk to? They can help you figure out how to approach this.

Hun, no matter what, your sense of safety and well-being is a priority. You deserve to take care of yourself and to make sure that you get the respect that's your right.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Help! My Father Loves Me Too Much! - June 2nd 2009, 06:14 AM

Hey hun, I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this. Your father is taking advantage of his position and he has no right to do those things to you. I'm glad you're realizing that you need help and that you reached out here. That's a very hard thing to do and I'm proud of you for it.

I really think you need to tell someone though hun. I know you're scared of hurting your family, but your father is the one that's hurting them not you. He is the only one to blame in this situation. What happened is NOT your fault. Please talk to your mom or a school counselor or another trusted adult. You need someone on your side. You deserve to be treated with love and respect.

I hope your okay right now and please pm me if you ever need someone to talk to.
<3 emily


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but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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Re: Help! My Father Loves Me Too Much! - June 2nd 2009, 06:34 AM

I don't think anyone else mentioned this, so i just wanted to say it. if you tell your mom, it will NOT change how much she loves you. yes, it may very well change how she feels about your dad, but that really is understandable, what he is doing is wrong. if you can fix the situation by asking him to stop, then great. but if it doesn't stop, you can't just let him continue.
also, i know you don't want to hurt your parents relationship, but think about it like this: pretend you are a mother, and your husband was doing things like this to your daughter, how would you feel about it?
good luck hun, and i am so sorry that you're going through this.
*hug*



PM me any time, ok? I'm always here to help.



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Red face Re: Help! My Father Loves Me Too Much! - June 4th 2009, 04:12 AM

I'd like to start out with, Thank you, so much, everyone. I didn't expect even one response, let alone this many, so quickly! It made me feel so much more relieved, knowing that for even my small problem, people were willing to offer so much advice and help.

I guess... I did, what could be called the first, and hopefully only, step. I talked to my dad. I told him how uncomfortable it made me, to the point of being almost sick with nerves. I told him how I felt like we were putting an unneeded strain on a working marriage, and that if I was the mother, and it was my husband and my daughter, I would feel terrible. I told him that I still loved him, as my dad, and that we were done.

He was very understanding. He said he had been feeling that we needed to have this talk for a long time, and he said he'd still love me just as much as a daughter, even though he wouldn't do all of that stuff to me. He said he was sorry for how he had made me feel, very sorry, and that he'd stop. He told me he loved my Mother, and had felt bad about that, and didn't want to hurt her either. He told me he felt that we were very similar people, and he was attracted to me because of that. But he understands. And he's stopped.

Thank you, everyone, so much.
   
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Re: Help! My Father Loves Me Too Much! - June 4th 2009, 05:02 AM

I just wanted to let you know I'm proud of you for talking to him. That's a very hard thing to do. You did a good job being open and honest.

I'm glad he was understanding and said he would stop. I don't know if it's my place to say this, but I just don't want you to completely let your guard down, okay? Maybe I'm being overly suspicious, but it's just been my experience that people who abuse, don't stop. I truly hope your dad is different, but I felt like I had to tell you to be careful.

Keep yourself safe hun and let me know if you ever need anything.
<3 emily


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but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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Re: Help! My Father Loves Me Too Much! - June 4th 2009, 06:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naivety View Post
I'd like to start out with, Thank you, so much, everyone. I didn't expect even one response, let alone this many, so quickly! It made me feel so much more relieved, knowing that for even my small problem, people were willing to offer so much advice and help.

I guess... I did, what could be called the first, and hopefully only, step. I talked to my dad. I told him how uncomfortable it made me, to the point of being almost sick with nerves. I told him how I felt like we were putting an unneeded strain on a working marriage, and that if I was the mother, and it was my husband and my daughter, I would feel terrible. I told him that I still loved him, as my dad, and that we were done.

He was very understanding. He said he had been feeling that we needed to have this talk for a long time, and he said he'd still love me just as much as a daughter, even though he wouldn't do all of that stuff to me. He said he was sorry for how he had made me feel, very sorry, and that he'd stop. He told me he loved my Mother, and had felt bad about that, and didn't want to hurt her either. He told me he felt that we were very similar people, and he was attracted to me because of that. But he understands. And he's stopped.

Thank you, everyone, so much.

Oh , i'm so so so so so glad things have worked out so well! It must have taken a whole lot of courage to say that to him! Good for you, hun!



PM me any time, ok? I'm always here to help.



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Just in case the government takes away the first.
   
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Re: Help! My Father Loves Me Too Much! - June 4th 2009, 11:35 AM

Agreed with Kim and Emily, it's amazing you were able to talk to your dad about this. That takes so, so much strength and you really should be proud of yourself for being able to stand up to him.

I'm going to close this now, since the original problem seems to be resolved. That being said, please don't hesitate to PM me if you'd like this reopened or feel free to create a new thread if you need help with something. Take good care of yourself! <3




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