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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Lost_Confused Offline
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Exclamation I'm not sure where to put this... - June 8th 2009, 03:04 AM

But last night ...

I was at my "friend"s house last night (and she's female and supposedly straight) and she was putting aloe vera on my shoulders because I got fried Dx and so I was laying down on the bed and she pinned me down and was trying to grope my ... upper areas.

Well, I was kicking her back with my heels, and she stopped for a minute and I got flashbacks of when I was younger that I erased from my mind. After like 5 minutes of beating her off, she finally stopped and I (for the first time of telling ANYBODY) told her about some ... things that happend to me when I was younger. All she did was :O and she laughed. LAUGHED. You know how I badly I was scarred?! SHE LAUGHED. I was hurt, confused, why on earth could she've laughed at me?

What I was wondering is, how could you get over something like that?
Both the laughing and what happend?
Could I ever get over them both?
What do you think I should do?
   
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Re: I'm not sure where to put this... - June 8th 2009, 04:37 AM

Hey,

No matter how your friend reacted, you should be incredibly proud of yourself for being able to tell someone what happened. Talking about the past takes so much strength, it's amazing you had the courage to tell her.

I think from here, you need to confront her about her reaction. That doesn't mean you have to bring up the abuse or talk about it - but ask her why she laughed, why she acted that way when you told her. Maybe tell her how hard it was for you to tell her what happened and how her reaction made her feel. Communication can clear so much up.

Abuse isn't something a lot of people know how to react to, when they haven't been through it themselves. Your friend might not have known what the right reaction should have been. She might have thought laughing it off or pretending nothing happened was the best way to go.. it's easy to think ignoring a problem will make it go away. I think talking with her could really help here.. at the very least, it'll help you sort out your thoughts and feelings, about her reaction.

Can you get over what happened? Healing is always possible. With time, it won't hurt as much.. with time, it'll be easier to cope. Counseling can help the healing process along easier - talking about what's on your mind, and talking about what's happened can make such a huge difference. If you're not ready to talk about the abuse just yet, no one will force you to. Take it at your own pace.

I'm here if you'd ever like to talk about anything, ok? Take good care of yourself and hang in there. <3



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Re: I'm not sure where to put this... - June 8th 2009, 06:32 AM

Im so sorry this happened. Its not quite the same but when i told my cousin about something bad that happened to me, she told me it was my fault. It took a lot of people telling me it wasnt for me to believe it after that but i think i might finally believe that it wasnt. So when you confide something like this in someone and they react badly it is possible to get over it. me and my cousin are just as close as ever. I know it feels like you wont, but it will get better.

Im so proud of you that you finally told someone. No matter what their reaction was dont let that stop you from telling someone else. What your friend did was wrong. if you said no, that meant no. Maybe you should talk to her about it. And how it felt when she laughed at you. That might help.

If you ever need anything hun just let me know. PM me anytime!
   
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Re: I'm not sure where to put this... - June 8th 2009, 02:59 PM

Quote:
Your friend might not have known what the right reaction should have been. She might have thought laughing it off or pretending nothing happened was the best way to go.. it's easy to think ignoring a problem will make it go away. I think talking with her could really help here.. at the very least, it'll help you sort out your thoughts and feelings, about her reaction.


Maybe..
I hope so.



Quote:
What your friend did was wrong. if you said no, that meant no. Maybe you should talk to her about it. And how it felt when she laughed at you. That might help.
Exactly.
How do you think I should go about it?
   
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Re: I'm not sure where to put this... - June 8th 2009, 04:39 PM

I would just ask to talk to her privately. Talk to her in person or if you arent comfortable with that then over the phone. Tell her that you need to talk to her about something important. Tell her that when you told her what you did you were being serious. You had never told anyone about it and you were hurt by her reaction. Be calm and use a lot of I statements like I was hurt when, I was being serious when, It makes me feel ____ that you, etc. Just try not to sound accusatory. Its her fault but if you want to do it smoothly you cant just yell or she will get defensive. If she DOES get defensive then say that you know she didnt mean to hurt you but that she did and you want to find a way to put it past you. But make it clear that you dont want it to happen again. You just have to be straightforward.

Good luck and PM me anytime!
   
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Re: I'm not sure where to put this... - June 8th 2009, 11:36 PM

A lot of people laugh when they feel unconfortable, that's probably were the laughter came from. I'm sure she didn't mean it in a "Haha!!" kind of way. Talk to her about it sometime and make sure she knows your serious. Good luck
   
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Re: I'm not sure where to put this... - June 8th 2009, 11:52 PM

Quote:
I would just ask to talk to her privately.
I can't really do that, I only see her on saturdays and then everyone's around.
   
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Re: I'm not sure where to put this... - June 9th 2009, 05:00 PM

Then what i would do is try and get her alone for a minute or two. Ask to talk to her privately, tell her you found something you think she will want to see....i dunno. But its always possible to get her alone. Even if its just for a minute or two.
   
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Re: I'm not sure where to put this... - June 9th 2009, 08:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretty_Empathic_Redhead View Post
Then what i would do is try and get her alone for a minute or two. Ask to talk to her privately, tell her you found something you think she will want to see....i dunno. But its always possible to get her alone. Even if its just for a minute or two.
Not really, she's always around SOMEONE.
   
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Re: I'm not sure where to put this... - June 11th 2009, 01:41 AM

There are always ways to get someone alone. It might take a little effort or a little reaching out on your part. Just keep an eye out for oppurtunities. They happen.
   
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Re: I'm not sure where to put this... - June 13th 2009, 12:20 AM

she probably only laughed because she didn't think you were serious. talk to some1 who would be more serious like a priest or something
   
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Re: I'm not sure where to put this... - June 14th 2009, 02:23 AM

Personally I think that you should find another friend. She pinned you to the bed and tried groping you; no real friend would do that especially after you asked her to stop. Here's the thing, woman can sexually assault, harass and rape other people too. It sounds to me like your friend has issues of her own.

Now, she might have laughed because she was uncomfortable or she might have laughed to be cruel, I can't say because I was not there to witness it. Maybe talking to her alone about it is a good idea, I don't know it all comes down to what you feel comfortable with.

As for if you can get over the previous rape and your friend laughing; yes you can. Believe me, most people do not laugh when someone tells them they were raped. Getting over the rape is another matter. From experience one of the best things you can do is talk about it. Do you have anyone you can talk to about it? A friend, a pastor or a therapist?

Even though your friend laughed at what you told her you should be proud of the fact that you were able to tell someone about what happened. Now, maybe, you could find someone else to tell; someone who will listen, be objective, sympathetic and helpful.

If you need someone to talk to feel free to pm or aim me.


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Re: I'm not sure where to put this... - June 24th 2009, 11:01 PM

Quote:
she probably only laughed because she didn't think you were serious. talk to some1 who would be more serious like a priest or something
I don't go to priests,and I don't think there's one around here anyways.




Quote:
As for if you can get over the previous rape and your friend laughing; yes you can.


Well, it wasn't exactly rape, I was assulted more than once.
And another time I was trapped and locked into a room by this guy I know and forced down on the bed and he sat on my back and was tickling me.
It's not that bad, but it's been bothering me lately.
I think he was going to try and do something else, but he knew I'd tell my mom and his mom and he didn't want to get into trouble.
I feel like since I'm older, and I still know him and see him sometimes, that he's going to try and rape me or something.
I don't know if it's because of what he did before or what, but I just get really uncomfortable around him.

Last edited by Lost_Confused; June 24th 2009 at 11:15 PM.
   
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Re: I'm not sure where to put this... - July 1st 2009, 03:52 AM

Help anyone?
I'm not sure how I should act around him AND her, I mean, I'm uncomfortable around them, but I don't know if I should act like nothings wrong, or what..

   
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