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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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my dad - June 20th 2009, 11:19 AM

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just as i thought i was gona get on with him this happens, i hate it. baiscly he come into my room to check it was tidy to his standards which is like everyone folded, alphabatised, ect, and he starts pulling out the drawes from my chest of drawers throwing my clothes on my bed shouting at me, telling me if i dont it i cant go shopping with my mum and my nana and my sisters, and then he telling me to stop giving him the attitude the and the raised voice and that if i dont he will hit me and then he will let me call the police so that i end up in a foster home and that would i not be aloowed to live here anymore and then he started going through all my underwear and shouting at me, and stuff. he then left my room and told me get it done or you are not going shopping. i then pretty much ended up in tears, and crying, and then my mum came in and was like oh i wil have a word with him i was trying to tell her what happened but i couldnt tell her because i was crying so much,so she told my dad what she got from what i was trying to tell her and stuff and they ended up arguing i edned up in tears agian. i hate it just as i think i can get on with him this happens
   
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Re: my dad - June 20th 2009, 06:27 PM

first of all, theres a difference between an abusive parent and a demanding parent. An abusive parent is someone who is drunk and comes home beating the crap out of you for no reason. A parent that asks you to clean your room to their specifications, just wants you to listen. Therefore you should do what your father says, unless he is the kind of man who drinks and doesn't feed you. Or spends his nights with friends like an irresponsible parent. If he is worth respecting because he feeds you and gives you shelter...then you should obey his will, unless it puts your life in danger, or makes you do something illegal.
   
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Re: my dad - June 20th 2009, 06:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Haerts View Post
first of all, theres a difference between an abusive parent and a demanding parent. An abusive parent is someone who is drunk and comes home beating the crap out of you for no reason. A parent that asks you to clean your room to their specifications, just wants you to listen. Therefore you should do what your father says, unless he is the kind of man who drinks and doesn't feed you. Or spends his nights with friends like an irresponsible parent. If he is worth respecting because he feeds you and gives you shelter...then you should obey his will, unless it puts your life in danger, or makes you do something illegal.
Not trying to start a debate here because this isn't the place for it but I very much so disagree. Abuse is not just physical, it can be emotionally or mentally.
Just because he isn't a drinker doesn't mean it's not abuse. Abuse can be verbal and very often is.

Hey,
That is abit weird for your dad to do that have you tried speaking to him while he's calm and asking him why he does things like that? The fact you're mum is willing to speak to him is good but if no action is coming from this then obviously she isn't have a stern enough word with him. If it's upsetting you as much as I think it is then something needs to be done about it. Maybe you could have a proper sit down chat with your mum about it and let her know how much it bothers you. Your dad is a bully, I know he's your dad and despite things you'll still love him but he's a bully, he's manipulative and controlling from what I hear. Try not to react to his behaviour too much, bullies don't get as much satisfaction out of what they are doing if there is no responce to what they are doing. I think right now you have a good approach about it, you're not making an argument and you're not causing any of this.
I'm really sorry this is going on and I hope things do get sorted for you, stay strong.
   
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Re: my dad - June 20th 2009, 07:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Haerts View Post
first of all, theres a difference between an abusive parent and a demanding parent. An abusive parent is someone who is drunk and comes home beating the crap out of you for no reason. A parent that asks you to clean your room to their specifications, just wants you to listen. Therefore you should do what your father says, unless he is the kind of man who drinks and doesn't feed you. Or spends his nights with friends like an irresponsible parent. If he is worth respecting because he feeds you and gives you shelter...then you should obey his will, unless it puts your life in danger, or makes you do something illegal.
i dont mean to have ago, but thats not true, just coz he didnt hit me, (which he has done a few times before) but lets not go there. im not looking to start an argument, but you try living with my dad and you would soon see things threw my eyes, and then you would understand. but im not gona start an argument, i never have on this site and i dont intend to start a argument with you. my dad is hard to live with, he gets angry pretty quick somedays i can just say hi to him and he will start shouting at me! and your telling me that i should respect my dad, which i do respect him, but sometimes he makes me mad. i kknow what and what is not abuse, i study childcare i already work in a pre school, and know the difference betwen waht is and what is not abuse, him threatening to hit me comes under emotional abuse and so does constant yelling and him threatening me in genral also comes under emotional abuse. but im not going to sit here and argue with you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xxpaigiexx View Post
Not trying to start a debate here because this isn't the place for it but I very much so disagree. Abuse is not just physical, it can be emotionally or mentally.
Just because he isn't a drinker doesn't mean it's not abuse. Abuse can be verbal and very often is.

Hey,
That is abit weird for your dad to do that have you tried speaking to him while he's calm and asking him why he does things like that? The fact you're mum is willing to speak to him is good but if no action is coming from this then obviously she isn't have a stern enough word with him. If it's upsetting you as much as I think it is then something needs to be done about it. Maybe you could have a proper sit down chat with your mum about it and let her know how much it bothers you. Your dad is a bully, I know he's your dad and despite things you'll still love him but he's a bully, he's manipulative and controlling from what I hear. Try not to react to his behaviour too much, bullies don't get as much satisfaction out of what they are doing if there is no responce to what they are doing. I think right now you have a good approach about it, you're not making an argument and you're not causing any of this.
I'm really sorry this is going on and I hope things do get sorted for you, stay strong.
mmm its just annoying that he does it, i mean this sorta stuff used to happen nearly every day - it does not anymore, but i have not had a argument like that with him for ages.

Last edited by WhisperingSilence; June 20th 2009 at 08:08 PM. Reason: Multiple posts have been merged automatically.
   
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Re: my dad - June 26th 2009, 11:47 AM

Hey... I agree I think that verbal abuse can be just as hurtful as physical abuse in some situations. Is your room a complete mess or is he just picking a fight? It sounds like maybe your Dad is going through some hard times at the moment and is taking it out on you, which is not right!I think that looking through your drawers and expecting things to be alphabetised is going to the extreme really. Do you live with your mum and your dad or just one parent? Have you told your mum exactly what's going on?
If she can't stop him, you could get some external help?
I hope things get better, I know how it feels to be scared in your own house.
Stay Strong.
xxx
   
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Re: my dad - June 26th 2009, 04:58 PM

my room does get messy but who's room doesnt ? and i live with my mum and my dad and my two sisters. but its not just the messy room its anytihig i do or anything i dont do sometimes i will be doing nothing and behaveing myself, like just sitting there in my room on my laptop and he will start yelling at me.
   
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Re: my dad - June 26th 2009, 07:57 PM

has he got ne problems,like job worries,drink problems, and is he like it wiv ne1 else
   
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Re: my dad - June 27th 2009, 08:36 AM

he is stressed out at work and has handed in his notice at work saying he will leave he is looking for another job, he said he would hand in his notice at work im not sure if he did hand in his notice or not, but i think he has. and he does drink alot, no he only like it with me, and he will sometimes argue with my mum but it nothing like he is with me.
   
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Re: my dad - June 27th 2009, 12:30 PM

Hey,

I am so sorry that this has been going on. You do not deserve it and you should be proud of yourself for staying strong. I am glad that you understand that abuse does not just have to be physical. I read an artical once where someone said that 'emotional abuse was a very bad abuse and the fact that it is usually completely ignored leads to the effects never really be dealt with' Anyways, what I am saying is the fact that you know what your father is doing is not right is a good thing because you can deal with it some how. Sorry for rambling...

Is there anyone in your family you could go stay with? I know leaving home would really suck but it sounds like that environment is not a good one at all. Maybe you could talk you mom into talking your dad into letting you stay with a family member? If not maybe you should call the police. I know that isn't what you want but you need to get away from that environment because it is only doing harm to you.

Please stay safe and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm or aim me.


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Re: my dad - June 27th 2009, 03:43 PM

he threatend to hit me again today but he threatend to do so in front of my mum, and then agian today in the car in front of my mum he started having ago at me i will admit i was making a fuss as my sister was using the ipod lead thing and my mum said maybe you can use it and then when i asked and my dad said no i pointed out that she used it on the way here, and he got mad and started yelling at me, and told me to shut up he didnt threaten to hit me the second time, i dont wana tell the police they cant do much because i am 18 nearly 19 all the police can do is find me a hostel or temporay housing. the police cant do much more well they could arrest him but that would cause lots of trouble and make everone else in my family upset. i'd rather be the unhappy one than upset my whole family.
   
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Re: my dad - July 9th 2009, 07:57 PM

don't worry about upsetting your family, if you feel you are being abused than you should do something about it. don't put yourself through all this pain just because you don't want to cause a problem.
   
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Re: my dad - July 10th 2009, 02:16 AM

aww hun you need to tell the police your family will understand this is not a healthy enviroment for you to be in. You need a loving home not a place you feel unsafe in and maybe even talk to a counselor about whats going on You need to speak up before he really does hurt you though..PM if you need to talk


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Re: my dad - July 10th 2009, 05:51 AM

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Originally Posted by lilmisschatterbox View Post
and he does drink alot.
i've grown up with an alcoholic father. he doesn't do the things that your father does but he has yelled at my mom in that way. i've literally had to stand between them fighting before when he was drunk because i was so scared that he was going to hit her. but that's beside the point..he doesn't do that now..its been a long time since they've argued like that.(i only typed my little situation to show that i kind of understand the kinds of things your going through)
ANYway to your situation...i believe that you do need to get away from your situation. like people have already mentioned try to find another family member to stay with.

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