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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Ex-boyfriend - July 4th 2009, 04:02 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

my ex-boyfriend let his best friend rape me 2 months ago. i feel like it's my falut. my mom called me a slut. i just want to give up and cut. i 'm so scared that my family will never love or care about me ever again. help me plz.


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Re: Ex-boyfriend - July 4th 2009, 04:18 PM

Hi there,

I am so sorry to hear what happened to you. This was in no way, at all, your fault. I promise you that. This was not your fault. This should not have happened to you. You're not a slut. You went through a horrible ordeal. And it wasn't your fault. At all. Is anyone supporting you right now? It sounds like your mom isn't helping so much. What about another family member? It's really important that you have someone to talk to, who will listen to you and care about you. It could be another family member, friend, friend's parent, religious official, or other trusted adult. Do you think there's someone you could talk to?

Please take good care of yourself--this was not your fault. It's going to be hard and it's going to take a while, but you will begin to heal, I promise. I'm here if you ever want to talk, okay?

<3




"Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

“if nothing changed, there’d be no butterflies”

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ex-boyfriend - July 4th 2009, 04:20 PM

i got nobody to talk to. i really want to cut.


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Re: Ex-boyfriend - July 4th 2009, 06:42 PM

Hey Erika (:

I'm really proud of you for finding the courage to post here and share your story with us. It really takes a lot of strength to open up about something like this. Unfortunately, not everyone is as understanding as I hope you find the people here on TH to be. Many times peoples initial response to upsetting news is one of anger and frustration. More often than not people will lash out at the nearest target rather than placing the blame were it should be. It looks to me like your mother doesn't fully understand the situation and she is very likely letting her anger get in the way of her better judgment. I'm sure you've said some things in the past out of anger that you later wished you hadn't said. While what your mother said was very hurtful I would try to give her a second chance. She might be more understanding now that she has had some time to process the information. Also, letting her know how her accusations made you feel might help her realize how insensitive and inaccurate her remarks were. It is important to have people in your life that can help support you through this. Trying to work through something this traumatizing alone makes it so much harder on yourself. Even if your mother never comes around there are other people who can help you. You aren't alone and you don't have to feel that way. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me anytime. I'm more than happy to help you out any way I can. Take care and hang in there. You have the strength to make it through this.

Lots of love <3 Mimi



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Re: Ex-boyfriend - July 4th 2009, 08:18 PM

Hey Erika

If your parents aren't going to support you with this in your time of need I suggest talking to a school counsellor, they can point you in the right direction so that you can get the help that you need. You need to realize this is not your fault and there are people out there who will talk you through this and want to be there to help you.





"When it comes down to it I let them think what they want, if they care enough to bother with what I do then I'm already better than them." Marilyn Monroe.
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Re: Ex-boyfriend - July 10th 2009, 11:43 PM

Hey, I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you. Can you tell like a teacher or a relative? You really need to talk to someone. That's not right.




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that flows from your chest
t h r o u g h e v e r y o r g a n
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And i am the fish

who can't reach the core.
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Re: Ex-boyfriend - July 11th 2009, 12:20 AM

Hey Erika (:

I just wanted to post a second time because you have been in my thoughts. I so much hope you are doing better. I want to remind you that you are not alone and that I care. You may not feel like I care about you yet and that is okay. I just hope you will give me the chance to prove how much I care so that you will believe me one day (: I was so happy that you decided to PM me the other day and I hope I was able to help you a bit. You really really can PM me anytime day or night. I don't get much sleep and there is nothing I would rather do then try and help you to the best of my ability. While I hope I can help you some there is really only so much I can do both because of the physical distance between us and the fact that I am not a professional. I think talking to an actual therapist could help you a lot because they not only have experience dealing with issues like this but they also have the education to back up their advice. I am so sorry that I neglected to mention a very important option that you have. In my first post I forgot to ask you if you would consider going to the police about what happened. There is no way that you deserved what happened to you at all and you have the right to stand up against this terrible injustice. The choice over whether to report it is up to you but I urge you to really give it some thought. You don't have anything to be afraid of. The police are there to help protect you and they would never judge you for the terrible thing you have gone through. I hope I hear from you again soon. I can see strength in you and I believe you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. Take care and try your best to hang in there.

Lots and lots of love <3 Mimi



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Re: Ex-boyfriend - July 11th 2009, 09:56 AM

Hey,

I am so sorry that this happened to you and this was by no means your fault. You did not deserve this and you are not a slut. Sometimes horrible things happen to good people with no explanation at all and it can be hard to deal with but you can and will heal from this.

I am so sorry that your boyfriend allowed this to happen. I hope that you know that he does not deserve you, your love, or anything that you can offer him. I am also sorry that your mom responded this way; I don't know why she did for sure there could be a lot of reasons for it and I wish with all of my heart that she would have been more supportive. Maybe if you give her a little more time she will come to her senses?

I really think that talking about what has occured will help you(of course you have to be ready) but I know that it helps and I have heard other people say that it helps; just being able to talk about the experience can be healing. A counselor could be a good way to go. I know there are websites that you could go onto to find centers in your area (RAINN) is a good one to look into. I hope you will consider that.

Also talking to people on this site can be really helpful as well. Please hang in there and if you ever want to talk please feel free to pm me.

~Jenna~


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Re: Ex-boyfriend - July 18th 2009, 03:03 PM

I'm trying to hang in there. i saw my ex boyfriend last night. idk what to do. i just want to cut but it's too late i cut last night. it was so hard to see him last night. i started crying and asking him why did you let your friend rape me. he didn't say anything. but the only thing he said before i left was i'm sorry and i love you. help anyone plz


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Re: Ex-boyfriend - July 18th 2009, 07:21 PM

Hey Erika (:

I've struggled with self harm myself for several years now. It can be one of the hardest things to resist because it so much becomes a habit or addiction. You do have other options and you always have a choice. Hurting yourself like this isn't going to take away the pain of what he did to you. Self harm will only keep you from happiness and make it even harder to recover because it masks and disguises your emotions. I highly recommend making an effort to both stop self harming and talk to the authorities about what happened with your boyfriend. You don't deserve to live in fear and pain like this and you can take measures to make your life better. One of the most important things to do when trying to stop hurting yourself is to find healthy alternatives to SH. Here is a link to a list of a lot of great alternative coping methods:
http://forums.teenhelp.org/f12-self-...ves-self-harm/
The first method you try might not do much for you. Heck, the first couple methods you try might not work. The trick is to never give up and if you do that I promise you'll find a better way to cope that works for you. Another extremely helpful thing with quitting SH is plenty of support. You can find a lot of support on this site through the Support & Advice chat, Live Help, HelpLINK, the Self Harm forum, friends you've met here, and as I mentioned earlier you can always PM me. Another option to find support for either self harm or sexual abuse/assault would be to call a hotline. Here are the numbers to two good hotlines that operate out of the United States:

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National [RAIN] Hotline = 1-800-656-4673
Self-Injury Help by S.A.F.E = 1-800-DONT CUT

Here is the link for a more comprehensive list of hotlines:
http://forums.teenhelp.org/f3-general/t22-hotlines/

If you need any further help or suggestions in relation to self harm you can post on the Self Harm forum found here:
http://forums.teenhelp.org/f12-self-harm/

Again, I highly encourage you to open up to someone you trust in your life about what happened. I know your mother's reaction has probably left you never wanting to reach out again but try not to let her harshly inappropriate response sabotage your recovery process. I hope things ease up for you soon. Take care and hang in there.

Lots of love <3 Mimi



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Re: Ex-boyfriend - July 18th 2009, 09:45 PM

Hey, Ive never really raped But i was abused by 9 kids
in my school 3 years ago. And i know how it feels (but i may not know how it feels Because i think being raped is different then being kicked or punched or choked)

But i was abused Every single day for a whole intire year.
10 months i was abused. Which was september to June.)
I would always get bruises on my arms and my legs and other places on my body)

I got chocked, shoved, pushed into walls, Punched, kicked, My arms twisted and scratched, Things thrown at me, cuts, name calling, Probley
every type of Bullying in the book i exsperience.

IT WAS TERRIBLE. I BECAME DEPRESSED AND SUICIDAL ON JANUERY 3RD 2007. I WAS 10 YEARS OLD.
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE ABUSED AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

1.your mom shouldnt have EVER CALLED YOU A SLUT WHAT KIND OF MOM IS THAT? WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT? AND WHY WOULD YOUR FAMILY HATE YOU FOR BEING RAPED?

TRUST ME, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL
YOUR BOYFRIEND SHOULD HAVE BENE THERE FOR YOU
AND BEAT THE SH-- OUT OF HIS BESTFRIEND FOR DOING THAT TO YOU.
IM SORRY BUT THAT IS JUST NOT OKAY AT ALL HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU IN ANYWAY WHAT SO EVER THATS NOT RESPECTING YOU OR CARING FOR YOU.

HE MAY SAY I LOVE YOU AND IM SORRY BUT TRUTH IS IF HE
REALLY LOVED YOU THEN HE WOULDVE BENE THERE FOR YOU HE WOULDNT HAVE LET HIS FRIEND RAPE YOU OR ANYTHING AND HE WOULDVE PROTECTED YOU.

IM SORRY IF THIS MAKES YOU MAD OR HURTS YOUR FEELING OR ANYTHING.
BUT I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD BE TOGETHER WITH HIM.
AND ITS OKAY TO ASK HIM WHY AND WONDER WHY HE LET HIS FRIEND DO THAT.

JUST HANG IN THERE YOULL GET THREW THIS I KNOW YOU WILL
GO TO THE OTHORITIES AND TELL THEM WHAT HAPPENED OR TALK TO SOMEONE YOU TRUST DONT LET YOUR MOM OR ANYONE GET IN THE WAY
OF YOU REACHING OUT SHE SHOULDVE HANDLED IT WAY MORE DIFFERENTLY THEN SHE DID.

YOU CAN ALWAYS PM ME OR MESSAGE ME ANYTIME I SELFHARM TOO
AND IT IS A HUGE ADDICTION AND I AM HERE FOR YOU WHENEVER YOU NEED IT

XOXO,
JOCELYNN
   
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