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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Exclamation My best friend's father is getting out of jail soon, and he's been molesting her since she was ten. - July 5th 2009, 03:41 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Okay, so, my friend, who we'll call Susan, has been molested by her father since she was ten. I haven't really asked her to go into detail, because I don't want to upset her, but from what I understand, he's done everything BUT actual sex. She's fifteen now. He went to jail in March for failure to appear/ bad checks, and that's when she came out and said it. Now, he's getting out soon- she's living with her grandparents- and coming to live with her.
I can not sit and watch this happen to her again.
I admire her so much. She is so strong. She shows no signs of being upset, only around me. She has three younger brothers, and her grandmother told her that if she didn't take back the charges against him, they would get seperated. She told her case worker that she was lying, although her case worker didn't believe it. He simply said he was going to make her grandmother believe that he believed her. However, since then, Susan hasn't heard anything back from the case worker.
My dad is investigator for the county, but I don't know what he can do. I can't watch this happen, but I don't know what to do... I can't simply be supportive. I have to DO something. I have to make sure that she's safe.


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Re: My best friend's father is getting out of jail soon, and he's been molesting her since she was t - July 5th 2009, 04:05 PM

You're a caring friend, first of all, for being there for her in the beginning. I understand you want to do more, this is a tragic thing to just stand by and watch..

There's not much you could do except be there for your friend and give her the best advice possible. Offer her a place to stay if things get bad, let her know you're there for her. She'll appreciate a good friend at this time.
I suggest talking to a school counselor and see what they say about it, they're experts. Ask them what the legal terms are, and see if her grandmother is right about them being separated. I wouldn't know why they would be... If she knew that wasn't going to happy, maybe she'll have to courage to get in back in jail. Maybe, just maybe, you can anonymously tip the I police that this man molested her? However, it's already in the past, so this might be a hard thing to do.. It's hard to do period.

Good luck, keep us updated.
   
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Re: My best friend's father is getting out of jail soon, and he's been molesting her since she was t - July 10th 2009, 02:19 AM

Hey Haley (:

I just want to tell you how incredibly proud I am of you. You are being a great friend by simply being supportive and even though it doesn't feel like enough to you I am sure it means more than you know to her. It is so hard to open up to anyone about sexual abuse. The fact that she has continued to open up to you about it shows just how much she trusts you and what a great friend she considers you to be. If 'Susan' isn't getting any kind of counseling or therapy to help her deal with the traumatic events she has been through then I would gently suggest it to her in a way that doesn't come off as being judgmental. Just by the fact that I can tell you are such a good friend to her I know you will be able to find the perfect words to say (: Another good option to consider would be what 'myspace' suggested and talk to a school counselor. However, I wouldn't go to the school counselor without first getting her okay on it otherwise she will feel betrayed. It might take a little convincing but you might be able to get to her to agree to it if you offer to accompany as she is talking to the counselor to give her moral support. If she is completely against that you could try talking to the school counselor with a hypothetical situation because if you give her any names she will be obligated to report it. If your father has connections with the police department (I'm not sure what the roll of 'investigator for the county' entails) then I think you should consider telling him the whole story. He might be able to help apprehend 'Susan's' father. He also might have experience dealing with having to place families after putting away criminal parents so he might know if there is any truth to 'Susan's' grandmothers claims. Even if there is a possibility that her family could be separated I would try to get her to understand that it was her dad who made the choices that split up their family not her. It is not her fault that her father acting so completely inappropriate. Protecting herself from getting hurt isn't selfish at all. It is the right thing to do and if her brothers were old enough to understand what was going on I'm sure they would never ever want it to continue. She shouldn't feel bad for putting a stop to something that is so wrong. I hope you are able to do something for Susan but honestly helping someone through something so terrible means the world. If you ever need anyone to talk to or any other advice feel free to PM me anytime. It is so difficult to feel helpless while someone that you care about is struggling. I know you'll do your best and that is all you can ever do. Take care and hang in there. I hope things get better for Susan soon.

Lots of love <3 Mimi



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Re: My best friend's father is getting out of jail soon, and he's been molesting her since she was t - July 11th 2009, 10:20 AM

Hey,

I am so glad that you are being such a great friend.

I think something you could do is ask Susan to ask her case worker or someone else if her and her siblings would really be seperated(if that is what she is worried about) because if that wouldn't happen than maybe she would feel a little more comfortable about keeping on with the charges.

I think the the other thing you can do is to continue being a good friend and let her know that no matter what you will be there for her and that you don't want to see her hurt.

Hang in there and I hope things work out for you and your friend. If you ever want to talk feel free to pm me.

~Jenna~


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