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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
cOurtneyx1110 Offline
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so i told my mom . . - August 21st 2009, 08:36 PM

i posted a thread a few weeks back about something that happened w/me and this guy i met online -___- long story short; it was my first time & i didn't want it to happen . . anywaysssss .

i was at a party at my friend's house last tuesday and we were drinking . someone pulled out some captain morgan (what me & the guy were drinking) and i freaked out after telling everyone that's what i was drinking when i had sex for the first time (i was drunk at the party,0-2 for me) i ran to the other side of the room and started bawlinggggg my eyes out and yelling "i said no ."

needless to say i took that as a sign that i needed to tell me mom . now her and my counclor know and we are taking things from there . my mom wants to go to the police,but it's been 4 months and there isn't much evidence if any so it would be my word against his .

what do i do?


- tell them to look up ;
tell them to remember the stars **
~ rescue is possible <3


LASTSH_102709 . ..
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 21st 2009, 09:13 PM

Hey, Courtney. First off, I'm really sorry for what happened and that you are going through all of this. It's hard to deal with sexual assault, but I hope you know that none of it was your fault.

I think it was a very good thing for you to tell your mom about it. I'm proud of you for being able to open up to her, i'm sure it wasn't easy. As for going to the police that is completely your decision. Don't let anyone push you into doing something you're not comfortable with.

Unfortunately, with there being no evidence it will be harder to actually get your case to court. Even if it doesn't make it, the record will still be there though. It might give another girl the courage to come forward or the background evidence they need to convict him later.

I hope you are doing okay right now and if you ever need someone to listen, you can always pm me.
<3 emily


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but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 21st 2009, 10:28 PM

i do think that you need to tell the police, because if this guy would rape you, he could rape other girls too, and you don't want to know that you didin'ts stop this guy once he does it to someone else. and about your dad, maybe you could talk to him about it? being assertive but polite actually works, even if you think is doesn't, i know from experience. so, tell the police, talk to your dad, and things will get better eventually, i promise. PM me anytime!
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 22nd 2009, 03:08 AM

i would really go to the police anyway. It doesnt matter how much time it has bene!

Dont worry about that, ask your friends if they know who the guy was and if they can give any information out to you at all. And anybody that was at the party. No hims and his family even a little bit.


And if the police dont listen, then keep looking in places that could help. Its never right to have someone rape you at all And all and i am here for you if you need to talk (:

Pm me anytime!
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 22nd 2009, 07:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShAtTerEd HeaRt View Post
ask your friends if they know who the guy was and if they can give any information out to you at all. And anybody that was at the party. No hims and his family even a little bit.
he wasn't at the party that i was at the other night,that's just were everything exploded and i told people . noone of my friends know him because i met him online . i only know his name and where he works . i was talking to his new girlfriend a while ago asking for his number but all she tells me is that he says it was all a mistake and that he doesn't want to talk to me .

i just wish i could forget it all but now that i've told people it's like it's upsetting me now more than it was before .


- tell them to look up ;
tell them to remember the stars **
~ rescue is possible <3


LASTSH_102709 . ..
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 22nd 2009, 09:20 PM

again, you need to tell the police. this is very serious and you don't want this to happen to anyone else. plus if this guy is in jail it may put your mind at peace.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 25th 2009, 12:47 AM

but how much trouble will he really get it i mena,there isn't much if any evidence because it was 4months ago . i was drunk,he was drunk . i agreed to go stay w/him,i agreed to meet him,like the only thing i didn't agree to was sex .

he's a firefighter & an emt,the law's pretty much already on his side . .


- tell them to look up ;
tell them to remember the stars **
~ rescue is possible <3


LASTSH_102709 . ..
   
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 25th 2009, 01:14 AM

i still think it's the right thing for you to do.
   
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 25th 2009, 01:49 AM

Hey there.

Let me start this off by saying that I'm sorry this happened to you. It doesn't deserve to happen to anyone.

I would like to tell you a little bit about what you can do. You're correct in stating that it will be your word against his at this point in time. It's been four months, if not a little over or under, and no biological evidence is probably left.

I, myself, am also a volunteer firefighter/EMT. Law does not follow job order, the two may intertwine, but that doesn't make what you're saying any less valuable, or any less real. If it happened, you still should report it whether it's 4 days later, 4 months later, 4 years later, etc. It will still be taken into account.

I wish you well, Courtney.

-Casper.



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||That he was gonna be
trouble for me ||


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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 27th 2009, 08:50 PM

Courtney, what you have is post-traumatic stress. The Captain Morgan brought it all back all at once and that's why you freaked. It's a normal reaction for what happened to you.

I agree that you ought to report it, but when you can deal with the additional stress.

How you deal with post-traumatic stress is make a date with yourself to think about it for a minute or two, then turn it off and think about something else. That way you teach yourself to have control over a painful memory. It will never go away. It will always be a part of your memory and who you are. Bad things happen to people, I wish they didn't, but they do. You will heal over time and live a normal life like everyone that something bad has happened to. And remember, when someone does something bad to you, it's not your fault. They always had the choice to do it or not. It was their decision, not yours.


What just happened?
   
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 30th 2009, 01:44 AM

i had an appointment w/my gynocologist the other day to get tested for stds & hiv & all that and she (the doctor) said that she is going to tell the police about what happened and that she is also going to tell them that i don't want to be contacted at this point in time and when i want to talk to them about it,i'll call them .

she also said that because i'm under 18 and he did what he did to be,wether i said yes or no that it will still be concidered rape because i am not legally of age to say yes,even though i didn't . is that true?


- tell them to look up ;
tell them to remember the stars **
~ rescue is possible <3


LASTSH_102709 . ..
   
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 30th 2009, 02:11 AM

yes, any sex with someone who is older than 18 and someone who is under 18 is considered rape. this guy will most likely end up in jail, whether you agreed to it or not.
   
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 31st 2009, 04:05 AM

i think that you should still go to the police.
i mean, theres no harm in trying.
what the guy did to you was wrong and he needs to be out in jail
   
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 31st 2009, 04:14 AM

Hey there Courtney, the first thing I want to say is I'm so sorry that happened and it's a really hard thing to go through and not really something that any person wants to happen, so you have my deepest sympathy.

Secondly, well I think it's a really good thing that your mum knows and I'm proud that you had to courage to face up and tell her, it's not a walk in the park to do something like that.

It's probably necessary to have some sort of evidence to get a "Sexual Assault" case to court, I took Law myself in school and it turns out not alot of cases like this sort of thing make it to court, but it still gets took into investigation, I think it's a really hard thing to go through and I think you seem that you've been really brave and I hope that the person who done this gets what the rightfully deserve.

Be brave Courtney, I hope everything turns out on your side of the tables.

Cazzum. x


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  (#15 (permalink)) Old
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Re: so i told my mom . . - August 31st 2009, 05:32 PM

thank you for all your help and support guys . my doctor said she is going to call my mom sometime this week and i think i might tell her i'll talk to the police . i know there isn't a lot of evidence so it probably will not go to court which is fine,i don't think i could handle going to court w/it but i think if i just tell them what happened,maybe they'll take it into concideration and it'll be on file incase he does this to another girl and she decides to say something sooner than i did . . i don't know? if that makes sense?


- tell them to look up ;
tell them to remember the stars **
~ rescue is possible <3


LASTSH_102709 . ..
   
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Re: so i told my mom . . - September 1st 2009, 05:08 PM

Hey Courtney, first of all I just want to say how brave you're being. I'm really glad that you are reaching out, not only on here but to people around you. It really isn't an easy thing to do, but you deserve to have your voice heard and to speak out about what happened. What happened was wrong and you didn't deserve it. It doesn't matter that you agreed to stay with him, that you agreed to meet him or that you were drunk. Regardless of any of that you said no and that is what matters. You said no, and as soon as you say no any sexual contact should stop. Anything that happens after you say no is wrong no matter what the circumstances, and any professional you talk to will say the exact same.

It's hard after time passes and physical evidence is no longer present, but try and remember that adults who were abused as children still come forward years after the abuse took place and report what happened to them, and a case can still be made. Keep talking to the people around you and find out what your options are. You are in control now and can decide what you want to happen. Don't let your voice be silenced again, you deserve that support and we're all here for you every step of the way.
   
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