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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
-xxmeganxx- Offline
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Name: Megan
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Abuse by family friend - August 23rd 2009, 11:28 PM

I could use some advice on the situation i'm in,

Well I think I should start by saying how I got in this position.

About a year ago, I was sexually abused by a family friend. I'm not gonna go into details, but it happend way more then once.

So far, I've only told one person, my best male friend. He told me that he thought I should tell my parents. I know it's the right thing to do, but I don't think I have the courage to do it. I know in my heart, that they wouldn't blame me. But my mind keeps telling me different. I keep having these thoughts that this was my fault. He keeps telling me it isn't true, i'd never be my fault. He also told me he'd help me tell my parents, if I wanted him to. He's been really supportive through all this.

I guess my real question is, should I tell my parents about this?
Or would it just put more pressure on their lives?
And was it a big mistake to put my bestfriend through this?
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Abuse by family friend - August 23rd 2009, 11:42 PM

i really think you should tell them, i mean nobody deserves to have to put up with that. i can understand what your going through, when i was 11 my dads girlfriends son (my almost stepbrother if thats confusing) attempted to rape me. even though he was older than me, he was smaller so i kicked him off and went and slept in another room with the door locked. the next morning i couldnt decide weather or not to tell my dad what happened. but i ended up telling him and we immediatly left... and as it turns out his girlfriend was proposed to another man anyway. but now i feel really good that i told my dad because 1, i dont have to put up with it anymore 2. i dont have the guilt hanging around me all the time. so i really think you should tell your parents....
in fact if you dont want to tell them in person you could always call them.. or email them while their at work or somethjing, or write a letter, or even talking in the car is easier than talking in person because you dont have to look them in the eye
hop i helped! pm me anytime you want!



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days since i last SHed.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Emily. Offline
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Re: Abuse by family friend - August 24th 2009, 12:48 AM

Hey Megan, I'm really sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve it and it was not your fault hun. I know sometimes our minds have a way of making us think it was, but the person who abused you is the ONLY one to blame.

I think you did the right thing by opening up to your friend. You deserve support through all of this and he seems to be doing a pretty good job being there for you. I do think you should tell your parents though. It's nice to have their help through things like this. And if you can't do it alone, you can take your friend with. He seems more than willing to help.

Another thing you may want to consider, is trying counseling. It's hard to share what happened and work through all of the emotions, but a therapist can help you do that. They are there to listen and be there for you.

I hope you are okay right now and if you ever need to talk or just someone to listen, you can always pm me.
<3 emily


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but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Abuse by family friend - August 24th 2009, 01:25 AM

I really do think that you should tell your parents. They won't blame you, of course, but may suggest you see a counsellor. That wouldn't be a bad thing at all, she or he would just help you express your feelings and try to work through what happened.
Kayla suggested some really good ways to tell them if you don't want to do it in person.
It was not a mistake at all sharing with your best friend what happened. He sounds like a very good friend and I'm glad that you have that. I'll bet that he's honored that you trusted him enough to tell him that.

I hope everything goes well. <3
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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Abuse by family friend - August 29th 2009, 12:07 AM

My bff was abused by her uncle. She didn't want to tell her parents. It ate at her for a long time. She blamed herself ...she had all this guilt. It was awful. Finally she told her parents and it was the best thing she ever did.

She had to trust her parents to be on her side and there were ....big time. Think about it. If you can't trust your parents to help then maybe tell someone at school. I hope your parents would support you!
   
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Re: Abuse by family friend - August 29th 2009, 12:24 AM

Megan,
I agree with your friend. You should definately tell your parents. Just remember it was NOT your fault. A lot of people who were sexually abused as as child or teen think their whole like it was their fault. DON'T blame yourself. Telling your parents is a positive step forward. I know it may be hard but it will be worth it. Think of it this way: your parents are here to help you live a great life. If they don't know what's going on then they have no way of helping. You did the right thing by telling your friend. Since in the beginning it was too hard to tell your parents, at least you told someone. It's always better to get it off your chest at least a little bit. Your friend seems like a very nice person to stick by you the whole way and that's great he will help you tell your parents. I know you can do it, just believe in yourself.
Take care,
Alessa


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Re: Abuse by family friend - August 29th 2009, 12:27 AM

Hey Megan,

I think it's really good you have such a supportive friend and you really did honestly do the right thing by telling him and I'm sure he's glad you managed to confide in him. He's right about telling your parents, I know it's really hard and it takes a whole lot of courage but once you do tell them it feels like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders because the truth is finally out in the open.
I think it's a good idea that maybe your friend came with you and just helped you along if you need someone just to be there and hold your hand while you tell your parents, that way if things get too much for you then he can step in and help you out.
I know speaking to your parents is hard and I'm sure they are not going to doubt you in anyway. I guess we make excuses for ourselves not to say something because by making excuses it means there's more of a reason for us not to say anything when in reality you should tell them because they wouldn't want you to have to go through this alone your parents would want to be there for you and support you and get you the help you need to move on with your life and feel happier. A year is a long time to have to carry something like that along for and it's hard not to break, believe me I know. It's really hard not to break mentally and emotionally because there are high and low points and you know what dealing with those high and low points are so much easier to deal with when you have someone else to speak to because they can be there and just let you cry if you need to. The more people who know the bigger the weight feels like it has been lifted, the more people you tell the more people you have to turn to and the bigger your support system is and it becomes easier to speak about the more you speak about it.
Speaking about sexual abuse can be painful to begin with but with time it gets much easier and it becomes more normal to speak about.

What this man did to you was not right and was not fair and Megan I am really sorry this happened to you, you did not deserve this in anyway. This is his fault not yours and you should never blame yourself and blaming yourself can be easier sometimes and defending the person who did this to you can be so much easier than admitting that what they did to you is their fault and not yours. Even today after coming to terms with my abuse I still have days where I blame myself so I know it is a hell of a lot easier said than done.

You know what this man did to you was wrong and you know that something needs to be done about it, if you tell your parents then you can get the help you need and you can make sure this doesn't happen to another girl because what he did to you was wrong and it would be horrible for history to repeat itself and for someone to go through the same amount of pain and anguish as you.

I am always here if you need support or someone just to speak to, even if it's just a chit-chat for a bit of normality.
I really do hope things go well for you Megan and do I hope you manage to find the strength to tell your parents because I know you have it in you, you've been strong enough to tell your friend.
   
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