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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Through-Glass Offline
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Men are predators. - October 15th 2009, 02:42 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

When I was little, some bad things happened. I was sexually assaulted by my (at the time) best friend, almost assaulted by another friend, and sexually harrassed a handful of times.

While I was in my first relationship (three years in length...ended over this summer), I...let things happen. We never had sex, but we did other things. I didn't want it, not at all. But I was so afraid of making him angry or losing him over it, I just kind of closed my eyes and dealt with it.

Now, I can't stop thinking of men as sexual predators. I'm a very cuddly person, and I'm affectionate with my male friends. But as soon as they touch my waist or stomach, I panic. I can't be alone in a room with a man without feeling unsafe.

My boyfriend is the kindest, most gentle person that I know...and I'm even afraid of him. It's a long distance relationship, and I've always loved not having to worry about sexual things. But when we talk about visiting, I feel fear creeping up in the back of my throat. I'm afraid that history will repeat itself, even though he's assured me that we'll take everything as slow as I need. No amount of his loving reassurance has been able to kill this fear, atleast not for long.

I just hate this so much. I hate being afraid all of the time. How can I stop thinking of all guys as predators? Is it possible to recover? I feel so hopeless right now.


[/url]
"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

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Re: Men are predators. - October 15th 2009, 03:17 AM

Hey there, I'm not scared of all men, but sometimes just walking or hearing certain conversations hits me to the pit of my stomach. Just the thought a guy, besides my boyfriend, having his eyes on me, mentally undressing me and thinking things makes me want to scream/attack/say something/run away.

The way you feel, I just think It would be good to open up to your boyfriend. You said is is the gentlest person you know. Maybe do some trust exercises with him. Make him do something to where you can trust him even more.


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Re: Men are predators. - October 15th 2009, 04:59 AM

Thank you, Holly. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in still being afraid sometimes. I get that same feeling, that punch in the stomach when it feels like an interaction is anything but entirely platonic.

I think that is an excellent idea. Is there anything specific that I can do to possibly feel a bit more trusting when it comes to him? He really is the closest person to me; I want to be able to trust him, entirely. We haven't been together long, but we've been friends for quite some time. It should be easy to trust him, but I have this tendency of making things difficult.


[/url]
"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"
  Send a message via Yahoo to Through-Glass  
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Re: Men are predators. - October 15th 2009, 05:17 AM

Us girls always seem to have the habit of making things difficult lol.
Trust exercises are a great idea to do with your boyfriend.

A favourite one of mine I like to do with my boyfriend is lie on the bed bith our eyes closed. We start of by saying what parts we like about each other and why. We never pick anything sexual and the activity never turns sexual. If we name a body part, we touch or lightly kiss that part, never letting our hands travel to other areas. We keep it strictly emotional, and never sexual.
This little game taught my boyfriend how to touch me without making me feel like a sexual object, and i learnt to respect him, and learnt to realise not everything he did was meant as a sexual action.
   
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Re: Men are predators. - October 24th 2009, 08:56 PM

It's perfectly natural to not trust men when you've had a lot of bad experiences with them. It'd be rather foolish not to. After all, if you've been bitten by a tiger a few times, you're probably not going to invite one to your birthday party.

I don't know how to help you to trust your boyfriend, but you're not alone in being distrustful of men.

Take care!


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