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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 7th 2009, 06:55 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey guys.

So I don't usually come here for help, but some stuff has come up for me.

A few nights ago my grandpa + mom (I live with both my parents, siblings, and grandfather, always have) got in a huge fight. Grandpa's a very angry guy. He misses baba (his wife, who died a year ago) and mom is really upset all the time too. My grandpa's an alcoholic, and a mean one at that. So they were fighting because the house is never clean enough for grandpa. It's never perfect, and it never will be. So mom was angry and so she came downstairs and decided to take her anger out on me and my brother. She was physical towards me (pushing) and I'm not sure about my brother b/c there were times where I wasn't with him. He's 15, I'm 16. Stuff like this has happened before with our dad kicking us or hitting us, but it doesn't happen on a daily basis. What does happen on a daily basis is mostly just verbal crap. yelling and screaming and general fighting.

So I was at school on Thursday and I decided to tell my creative writing teacher about all this crap, because I was so sick and tired of it. I was scared to go home, and I didn't know how I was going to get through the rest of the day. She listened, understood, and gave me a spare during my english class so I wouldn't have to handle going to class. So I sat in her classroom (she had a spare block as well) and I e-mailed my counselor from a school laptop.

My counselor said that she had to report it to CFS (child and family services). So she asked me to give her any info I had been keeping from her to help the social workers know what was going on, so I spilled and told her everything, including how my brother has tried to take his life twice. She told me that CFS is going to investigate.

Yesterday I was really scared because I didn't know what they were going to do or whether they'd call or just show up...so I called CFS myself and asked (didn't say who I was, just asked) and they said that they weren't going to send a swat team to my house to kidnap us, and they are not going to call my house. They know that if they call the house, someone will pick up and then deny what happened, and hang up. You get nowhere like that. So they're sending someone to my school to talk to my brother and I first. She said that that will probably happen on Monday or Tuesday.

I'm SO scared. What if the social worker is mean? what if they're just like my school counselor? Terrible and scary and mean? What if they DON'T investigate? What if they don't come on Monday or Tuesday? I'll have to worry more! What if they don't think I'm telling the truth? What if I get in trouble?! I've NEVER had to deal with this before and I'm so scared.

Has anybody been in this situation before? What happened (if you want to share) and was it bad?

Thanks

Jennifer
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 7th 2009, 07:02 PM

Social workers are usually not mean they just want to help you and they make you feel comfortable with them so you can talk to them and by law they have to investiate any report they get

When i had to meet with a social worker they where like just take your time and tell me what happen and then they keep telling me that none of this was your fault and we are going to look into it and the social worker that i was talking to she never told to hurry up dhe told me to take my time and there was no rush. You will not get introuble because how you had enough of the abuse from your parents you did they right thing and they where the one at fault and your parents will never know who reported it (unless you want to tell them) but the social worker cant tell them how they got the report.

Jennifer please stay strong, i know you can, i believe in you, because you have helped me alot.

Let me know what happens. I am here to help you.

pm if you need to talk

Last edited by **Theresa**; November 8th 2009 at 01:52 PM.
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 8th 2009, 04:08 PM

Thank you so much.

I called the child abuse hotline last night and told them I was scared. The lady's name was Laura, and she basically called me sweetheart, sweetie, hunny bunch, hun, and buttercup like a thousand times :P I love her. I said, "You're nice, wanna come to my school on monday." And she responded with, "Oh hunny bunch I wish I could."
I wish more people were like Laura. I started crying at one point and she was all motherly and I just...yeah. I hope that the worker who comes to my school will be that nice. I was like, "how will they know what school I go to though!" and she was like "well did your counsellor tell them" and I was like "she doesn't know what school I go to" So Laura put it in there, along with the fact that someone NEEDS to contact me on Monday because I"m very scared. She also told me that if nobody contacts me on Monday and they'll contact the worker I've been assigned to and get them to me asap.

For now, I'm just going to go to church and enjoy my morning I guess.

Thanks for the help <3

Jennifer
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 8th 2009, 05:51 PM

I hope everything works out and i am here if you ever need to talk
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 8th 2009, 07:43 PM

I'm really glad you reached out to someone, even if it was hard. Good luck with everything tomorrow.. let me know how it goes or PM me if you ever want to talk. I can definitely relate.. I wish I had told someone what was going on in my house when I was younger. I waited so long to realize that it wasn't normal and it just hurts that much more. You are lucky that people are going to try to help now.
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 8th 2009, 10:04 PM

Hey, Jennifer.

First off I just want to say, it's amazing that you reached out to your teacher and your counselor. It's a huge step, and it takes a lot of strength and courage to be able to report what's been going on at home. Having CFS investigate won't be the easiest thing to handle, but when things get tough just remember how strong you've already been. You're not alone with facing this, either - you have support. Your brother, your teacher, and your counselor are there for you. The hard part is almost over.

If you don't feel comfortable talking with the social worker assigned to your case, talk to your counselor or talk to CFS and see if they can assign someone else. Remember that the main goal here is to make sure you and your brother are safe. CFS will understand if you have concerns about who's assigned to you - just be honest. They won't make this any harder than it has to be. Honestly though, Jennifer, don't worry about what the social worker is going to be like. If it's a problem, then it's a problem you'll face when the time comes. Worrying about it before it happens won't help you any, it'll only stress you out.

I'm not sure if this is something that'll help you or not but, you may want to practice what you're going to say to the social worker who comes to talk to you. Think about writing some things down on paper or index cards, so if you freeze up or forget what you want to say, you'll have a reminder. Talking about what's going on at home might not be easy. Again, I don't know if that's something you might find helpful but you may want to consider it.

Hang in there, Jennifer, you've been so strong. Take care of yourself.<3





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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 8th 2009, 10:27 PM

Thank you everyone. I'll let you all know what happens after school tomorrow.
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 9th 2009, 01:49 AM

dont be so scared. just bc you meet a social worker dont mean youl never see ur famly again there r always other options.
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 9th 2009, 03:23 PM

when i told my college about my dad when i was 16 they just rang up social services and this socail worker came to my college and just spoke to me about stuff and then the next day they came to my house and just spoke to my mum about stuff and then they spoke to my sisters about stuff and then they spoke to me about stuff, then they spoke to my mum about some more stuff and then left and i havent seen them since. i got to stay at home, they gave my mum thier number and that was it.
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 9th 2009, 10:11 PM

I didn't hear from anyone today at school, so I did what the crisis line lady told me to do and called the cfs office. They put me on the phone with my social worker but I could only talk for like 30 seconds. She said she had to speak with her supervisor about me and then she'd text me back. I'm still waiting for the text.
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 10th 2009, 01:45 AM

well the thing is to stay postive like i said before they have to talk to you and your brother about what is going on and get your side of it and they will talk to you sometime this week
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 10th 2009, 11:53 PM

Hey, how's it going?

You just gotta remember, event though it doesn't seem like it, the social worker is on your side. Be honest, keep to the same story all the time, try not to forget any details- the more information you give them the more they can help.

Most social workers won't be as nice as Laura, but that's often because they have to deal with a lot more... it's unfortunate, but the system is quite overflowing. They have a tough, busy job, and mightn't show how much they care... But remember that they do care.

My social worker was really intimidating at first.. I met her for the first time two years ago. She was... really something... but now we're really close. So, try not to worry terribly if it's strange at first.

I hope things are going well. take care.
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 11th 2009, 04:40 PM

what happen did you talk to the social worker

I hope everything went ok
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 11th 2009, 04:52 PM

Thanks for your replies everyone.

I called CFS yesterday after school because I was told to do that if I hadn't gotten a reply yet, and so I called and the lady sent my file to the guy who assigns files, and had me call him. So I called him and he said that he's assigning my file to someone on Thursday, and then between Thursday and sometime next week, someone will be at my school to talk to me, then to my brother, then to my parents. He said that the social worker will be following up with me after talking to my parents to make sure that they didn't freak out at me, and then from there they will see what kinds of things that we need to be doing (counseling etc.)

So far, so good...
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 15th 2009, 11:18 PM

Hey jennifer just seeing if everything was ok i am here if you need anything just pm or send me an email i am here for you

Last edited by **Theresa**; November 16th 2009 at 10:49 PM.
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 16th 2009, 07:55 PM

same goes for me.. let me know if there is anything I can do
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 17th 2009, 06:59 AM

I have once done the same thing, I was caught trying to leave and it eventually involved the police. My mother was a heavy drinker and she was married to a criminal. It came to me leaving and living with my grandparents after finding me near death. It is good what you are doing. Just hang in there sweety and as soon as you know it, this will be all over, trust me. Remember that this will all be a memory after words.
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 18th 2009, 10:12 PM

They basically gave me the big 'ol social worker middle finger. They think that because I'm the only one complaining about stuff, that nothing is really happening, and that they can't do anything about a file that's not about abuse. I do feel that there is abuse though. My dad told him no to counselling, so that's even out of the question. No Mediation, nothing.

Back to square one.
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 19th 2009, 12:24 AM

I'm so sorry don't give up okay. this is not he only option
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 19th 2009, 01:34 AM

Jenn please stay strong, you can get through this! Your so strong.. PM me if you need ANYTHING. I'm here for you.. Us LHO's and Canadians need to stick together
Hope that put a smile on your face hun
Brittany <3



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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 19th 2009, 03:00 AM

Haha, yeah us Canadians and our Moose racing and Polar Bear police officers.

My school offered to bring in a district counsellor for me. I'm going to say yes. I'm meeting with an administrator tomorrow to talk about it.
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 19th 2009, 05:53 PM

The admin told me I'm a therapy junkie, and won't let me do counselling.
I am not a therapy junkie.
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 19th 2009, 09:46 PM

Hey Jenn,
I just saw your post here and I figured since you did so much to help me, I owe you something. I don't think that's right that they are denying you counseling. You should try to talk to the admin that you really need this. If you let them know this is really having an affect on your life and you don't feel like you can move on, they would be more likely to help you. Also, did your brother not open up to them? You said "since I'm the only one complaining" so I was wondering if your brother isn't saying anything. Maybe if that's the case you can talk to your brother about the importance of getting help and opening up. Let me know how it goes. Hang in there and stay strong!


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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 20th 2009, 12:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JennJenn View Post
Haha, yeah us Canadians and our Moose racing and Polar Bear police officers.
HAHAH and the fact that we ride polar bears to school?

How you doing now Jenn?



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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 20th 2009, 03:19 AM

Well I don't know about you, but I don't ride my polar bear unless it's -50 or below. In all other weather I take my caribou. His lovely antlers hold my backpack perfectly, plus he won't eat me if I piss him off.

I'm doing okay. I went to see my grief counsellor today and she helped me understand a little bit better. We also did some art therapy stuff (we played with coloured sand and made pictures on paper plates) and I REALLY enjoyed that. I like when we do art things, and I told her that today so hopefully she'll think of more stuff for us to do when I go

Thank you EVERYBODY for all your fantastic help. I really appreciate the support on this.
   
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Re: Scared about meeting with a social worker for the first time... - November 21st 2009, 09:56 PM

hey jennifer
i am glad that you are getting help for what has happen to you. if you ever need to talk i am here for you just PM me or email me
   
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