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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Im not sure.. - November 13th 2009, 01:03 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

things are just so bad right now.. i dont know what to do. i was raped and abused from age 4 to 6 and now the cops are involved and hes been indicted with two 1st degree crimes, one 2nd, and two thrid from me. then there is the other 4 counts of lewdness of the 4th.. i need to escape the pain and dont know how.. i tried dxm (robitussin)..i dont drink or do drugs (except for the dxm this once) and my boyfriend(of 1yr 9mos) found out.. he knows my past and stuff... but he was so mad he yelled at me and said horrible things then drove me into the town where it happened... then down the road... so slowly... yellin at me... askin me 'whats wrong! whats wrong! hmmm?!' after that i regressed.. now i cant be touched by surprise, or really at all, i cant sleep, i have head aches and im incredibly tired.. i fall into weird states where the world is just going and im stuck and i feel like everyone knows and i am terrified by all the things that i used to be freaked out about, plus more, such as footsteps behind me in the hallways at school, and weird looks... im really messed up from that 'drive by'.. i told my boyfriend that and he said that everything that happened that day was my fault.. so much drama.. all i want is an 'escape' ...i want the dxm... even though thats what kind of started this mess... i want it pretty badly... i dunno what to do.. no clue how to cope and my boyfriend doesnt get it...

Last edited by Emily.; November 13th 2009 at 02:39 AM. Reason: added triggering prefix
   
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Re: Im not sure.. - November 13th 2009, 03:03 AM

Hey there hun. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. It sounds like you are really hurting and struggling right now. I'm so glad you decided to reach out for help here. It's a really good start and I'm proud of you.

What your boyfriend said is very very wrong though. What happened was not your fault. The only person to blame is the one who abused you.

Your boyfriend seems like he is not very supportive at all and I'm so sorry for that. It's horrible when the people we love don't understand or try and blame us for things like this. I truly think the best thing for you is to maybe distance yourself from him until he processes what happens and comes to his senses. He should not be blaming you for what happened and what he did, taking you back to the place where it happened like that, it was a horrible thing for him to do.

I also think it would be really good for you to talk to someone hun. You don't have to go through this all alone and you deserve help. A counselor wont blame you, wont ever tell you it's your fault. They will listen and they will help you work through everything. They can help you deal with everything you're going through. It might also help to talk to your doctor about not being able to sleep. They may be able to prescribe you something. It's much safer to talk with a doctor instead of self-medicating like you are.

I really hope you're doing okay right now. Keep yourself safe and please PM me if you ever need to talk.
<3 Emily


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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Re: Im not sure.. - November 14th 2009, 02:51 PM

it is true what bringontherain said u need to talk to someone and see a docoter for the sleep problem its the safer way to go


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