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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Candytwinkle Offline
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Abuse - really bad - very long - November 16th 2009, 06:56 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

A while back I was taken away from my home, I lived with my grandparents. My mother and I lived in an apartment only for a short time before a man who my mother met online came into our life. He was a very scary and mean man. At first he yelled at me and eventually turned my mother into someone who wasn't like a mother at all. After a year we moved out of the apartments and into a small trailer. She had 2 rabbits and 4 cats that she didn't take care of which ended up being my job.

Moving a few years later. My mother was fat and had to get bypass surgery done. I was always there for her, even having to wash her and take care of her, like a mother. After she had lost the weight she started going into depression, and began drinking intensively. It became so bad she used all of her money she received in her paycheck to drink every week, and weeks turned into days, and days turned into as soon as she would get home from work. I wanted to leave, but I was not yet eighteen, so there wasn't much I could do. The guy my mother married a year after meeting online started yelling at her while she was drunk. He would cuss at her and call her horrible names, it would make her almost want to kill herself. Her husband would threaten to beat my head in with a phone and kick me down the street, my mother did nothing about it.

I have turrets syndrome, only it is not cussing and funny like most people think. When I feel emotional I start to make small noises, that turn into difficult breathing and blacking out. My mother eventually got me into drink with her, I wanted to be closer to my mother, so I thought drinking would.
I went to school drunk, sick, and eventually near death.

One night I was sitting on my Aunts car, who would come over and drink with us. I fell off of her car and hit my head on the side and blacked out. I remember my mother choking me and the words I will never forget. "listen you c*nt, I don't want to go to jail so get up, eventually she cried!" I could feel her grip tighten around my neck as I was leaned on the car sitting down feeling like I was going to die. I went to the hospital and they found I had an high alcohol level. When I woke up thinking my mother would help me, she called me a lair and exaggerating. She was drunk at the hospital and the doctors were going to put her in jail and me in worse. Thankfully my grandmother showed up that night.

When I was in the car I found a bag in the back full of my clothes, my aunt tried to save me and take me away from the abuse. My mother declared that I go to school the next day even though I was ill. My aunt and my grandmother left to go back to their home. When I got back I was yelled at by both my mother and her husband, so close I could feel their spit hit my face, using every cuss word they could think of. That night in bed, I dreamed of being in the hospital, almost like a repeat of the night.

The next day after school they yelled at me again, the day after.. all day.
A week later I was so ill I was vomiting green and passing (restroom) green. I slide my hand on my head and pulled out a clot of my hair as some more fell on the floor. I was white as a ghost and coughing up blood. My teeth were rotting because of neglect and I could barely pull myself to move. At that time did I realized I was dieing. That evening I decided to stay with my grandparents for a week and get away.

While at my grandparents house they noticed my illness. My mother called my grandparents demanding I come back in less then 20 minutes or else I was being kicked out. My grandmother cried and begged me not to go, then my grandpa cried trying to hide it. I was sitting down barely able to hold my head up and decided to live with my grandparents.

Now my teeth are fixed which cost millions of dollars, so much that my grandparents had to take out a loan on the house to pay for the dental bill which ended up being surgery because of the damage. I can say that i am better now, and live with two people who love me more then I could ask for. I am healthy my hair has grown back, my skin is no longer white and my insides are back to normal. No more blood either.

My mother when she kicked me out took half of my things. All my video games I received on my birthday they gave away to some guy they knew and his kids, so I heard. Its been a good 2 years since and just recently she told my grandmother she wanted to give me some of my other things, like pencils and stuff. (heres the other thing I forgot to mention, she didn't tell me for half a year I was living there that she was pregnant) Now she has a baby!

What would you say to her about her giving me a box of some things I had. I wanted to tell her to put it where the sun don't shine.

Even though I'v lived a bad past I can say that I am truly more happy then I could ever be. Hard feelings always get tossed around here and again, it is painful each time its brought up. I feel I have missed so much in life that normally other people get to enjoy. From the abuse I have been damaged. I am now extremely germaphobic, I can't be touched, neither hugged and have trouble even excepting love.

Last edited by Emily.; November 17th 2009 at 01:02 AM. Reason: added triggering prefix
   
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Re: Abuse - really bad - very long - November 16th 2009, 11:52 AM

hey hun, it's really horrible that you had to go through all that. you deserved none of it! but it's great now that you're better and with people who'd do all they can to see that you have a good life, people who love you. (:
you may feel like your past defines who you are now, but i wanna tell you that history can start now. you can take lessons from the past and move on, and by doing that, you'll be a true conqueror!
even if you don't feel like it, remember that you're an independent woman now who can make a change in this world with what you have. no one has the right to take away your life. no one has the right to control you. you're a free person and don't you forget that.
and i can relate to that last part of not trusting others to love you and touch you coz i've been sexually abused as a kid myself. i guess my best advice is to not think too much about it, don't trouble yourself over it, and i pray that someday that you'd find it in you to be able to accept that love is real again. (:
take care!



and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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Re: Abuse - really bad - very long - November 16th 2009, 08:04 PM

Thank you so much! ^_^
   
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