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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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She freaked out. - November 20th 2009, 11:22 PM

Im so fucking confused now. I was at my friends house last night for a lil party. His ma left for Fl that morning so we decided to have alil get together. I was sitting on the couch with a girl I've known since I was younger well we ended up making out. My girl ended up comming over while we were making out, I didnt see her come in of course and she flipped shit. Before I even knew what was going on she had the girl on the floor and was punching. I pulled her off and she turned and started punching me in the face and chest. She was like I thought you loved me and started crying. I flipped out at this point and said everything. Basically was like are you serious you have been making out with all these guys infront of me, you dumped meeeee and have done nothing but try to hurt me since when all I ever wanted was to be with yoou and help you and now your being like this! She said "I haven't fucked anyone since we broke up, I can still feel them inside me and its all your fault because you can't get hard because they ruined me but you can make out with her." and started crying I pulled her aside cuz everyone was listening and told her the reason I couldn't get hard, that I couldn't get over what they did, not that it ruined her, but that it hurt me so much to know they hurt her like that, and it makes it hard to want to do anything. She was like they did so get over it..I tried to kiss her and she punched me without warning and said "Don't touch me ever" and left..

I don't know what to do now. I don't know anymore. Now what? What am I suppose to do now. I fucked up bad kissing that other girl but I was drinking and we are broken up and she is making out with other guys. I don't get it. I just wanted someone to kiss for alittle while, it didn't mean anything, we were just friends kissing.

Im so fucking frustrated. She yells at me for kissing another girl yet she is making out with other guys and when I do try to be with her she yells at me not to touch her ever so what the fuck am I sup to do never be with anyone well she makes out with everyone.

I really wanna be with this girl I love her but Im going insane.
   
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Re: She freaked out. - November 21st 2009, 12:04 AM

Well, if you truly love her then stay faithful. Making out with another girl isn't staying faithful even if it was just with a friend. She's hurt bad so some space would both do you good. And then slowly try to approach her. On the other issue of when she was making out with other guys i became confused but correct me if I am wrong, if she was making out with guys while you were still together then she was also wrong to do so. In summary you both made mistakes, if you like each other talk it over and forgive each other but remember to give her space and to take some time for yourself also.
   
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Re: She freaked out. - November 21st 2009, 12:10 AM

She broke up with me about 2 months after the rape because I couldnt have sex with her because the whole time I kept thinking about what they did to her, thats how it all started. So she dumped me, even said Ill find someone else to fuck me and then started making out with random guys in school. I know she is hurting from what happened but its hurting me too when she is being like this. I know I fucked up making out with that girl but Im only human and I can only take so much. She wants to make out with other guys then Ill make out with a girl but then she freaks on me but Im not sup to do anything when she is with a guy. Idk I was dumb and thought if I made out with another girl maybe it wouldnt hurt so bad to see her with other guys. Idk what to do anymore.
   
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Re: She freaked out. - November 21st 2009, 12:28 AM

Oh, Mason, I understand now completely. I didn't understand at first that she was raped but now that i understand, i think i know what's the problem. Even though she broke up with you, what she did at the party show's that she really likes you, but she can't show it right now. I think she still likes you very much but what happened to her is causing a storm in her heart.

Issue : The thing with rape is that it takes away the free will/strength that the victim has. Rape victims feel their choice to have sex is taken away from them which makes them feel powerless. That's what is happening with your girl here. She's bouncing off 'feelings' in her heart by that i mean that inside her heart she is unsettled and suffering, which you already know. That's why she doesn't want you to make out with anyone else but she's making out with other guys. In short she's trying to sort of undo the rape by making out with other guys by her own choice.

Solution : Go to her and tell her you messed up. Apologise as much as you can, even beg because you type like you seriously like her and carry an arsenal of jokes and funny stuff so that you can give her a smile and charm her. The thing here is to show her that you are there with her and that you like her. Since you can't have sex, abstain from it. Tell her that what she went through is hurting you and that's why you can't have sex.

Stand up for her when she's in trouble and do all the other things boyfriends do. Most importantly, talk to her about the rape, because that's what is causing all these problems. Take care as you talk to her, because i'm very sure this is a very sensitive matter in her life.
   
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Re: She freaked out. - November 21st 2009, 12:42 AM

I try talking to her but she wont let me close to her. That was the first time we really talked since we broke up. I tried being around her but she would freak out and act like I was stalker so I left her alone and looked out for her from afar but all of this is fucking with my head. I love her and I want to be with her but whenever I get close she freaks out and usually punches me until I walk away. I was shocked she even talked to me the other night. I txt her but she won't answer me. I just want to sit down and talk one on one just once and see if we can fix this but she wont give me a chance.
   
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Re: She freaked out. - November 21st 2009, 12:50 AM

Alright, i'm gonna suggest some stuff, one is radical but you don't have to do it.

Suggestion 1 : Talk to her from a distance if she allows.

Suggestion 2 : Wait until you see fit to talk to her.

Suggestion 3(Maybe extreme) : Wear alot of clothes, carry alot of ice. Go tell her how you feel and of course that you like her and tell her that if she wants she can take out her rage on you, safely(Don't be hit on your penis obviously, or any other very serious injury). I say this because she might have alot of rage in her, and she doesn't know the right way to remove it. You don't have to do this but it might show her just how much you like her.

But in all these ideas, she still needs some space, remember that.
Respond and tell me what you think or if you have any other ideas.
   
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Re: She freaked out. - November 21st 2009, 01:04 AM

I like three. Shes gotta alot rage in her now. She would never hit anyone before. Ever. Now she is always punching me, better than nothing I guess. Wont hurt to try. Well as long as she dont get me in the face too much, she usually makes my nose bleed. Cant be in public lol. Ill have to try to go to her house. Maybe tell her mom, her mom is trying to get her to talk to someone, maybe she will let me try this? Idk. If she gets some of her anger out maybe she will try to talk?
   
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Re: She freaked out. - November 21st 2009, 01:16 AM

Yeah, you're right. If she gets some of her anger out she might talk. Its worth a try. So try it out but just make sure you don't get hurt. Some bruises which you should heal from should be ok but try and protect your nose. Try and avoid any blood shed.
   
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Re: She freaked out. - November 21st 2009, 01:29 AM

Ok, thanks.
   
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Re: She freaked out. - November 21st 2009, 02:13 AM

Aw, man, you seem like such a nice boy.. I can see where she's coming from though. She's just really still hurting from the rape and is hurting herself emotionally by making out with these guys. I know it may seem like she doesn't want to talk to you, but seriously, I think she does. Whenever I tell my boyfriend to leave me alone I want him to be even closer to me. Honestly, I think you need to keep talking to her. Just tell her how much you love her and you want to be there for her, it doesn;t have to be about sex. You just love her.
Please keep trying.. I know If I was in her position that's what I'd need. I know she seems really crazy, but that's what happens.

Just to let you know I kinda was like this girl at one point.. She just really needs love and compassion, I guarantee she's still hurting from the rape. Once both of you get past this, things will get better.
   
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Re: She freaked out. - November 21st 2009, 02:35 AM

Thanks. Im trying to be there for her the best I can. Its hard. She is a real good girl. Yeah she is alil crazy right now, Im just hoping she makes it outta this the same girl. She would never be like this. Shes the most beautiful girl I know inside and out and if I loose her because of this man Idk what Im gonna do.
   
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