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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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**Theresa** Offline
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social worker - December 7th 2009, 12:13 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

well i finally told that my grandma would sexually abuse me when i was little but i still think that it is my fault because i didnt do anything to try to stop it and she would tell me that if i told my mom i was going to get introuble and i was a kid that hardly ever got introuble so i never said anything but lately i have been having flashbacks and the memories arent going away .

I know that one of my coaches has reported it but even though i have been reported i am nevors because this one is about me and it is true but it also hard for me to talk about what happen. i just want the flashbacks to stop and the memories to go away but they will not and i have tried everything but nothing is working.

I dont know what will happen when we get the call from Child Protive services.
   
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Re: social worker - December 7th 2009, 01:26 PM

You might just need to tell just 1 person. everything. absolutely everything. I remember having a very hard topic for me, and it the thoughts wouldn't go away, I couldn't sleep, and was always feeling terrible. Then i talked with some forum buddies, got it off my chest and i could finally think clearly again.

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Re: social worker - December 11th 2009, 03:59 AM

Hey there Theresa. First off, I just want to tell you that I'm very proud of you for letting someone know what your grandmother did. I know that is a very hard step to take and it's wonderful that you were able to.

What happened was in no way your fault though hun. You were a child and she was an adult. It was her responsibility to take care of you. She was your grandma and you're supposed to be able to trust her, but she took advantage of that trust. It's not your responsibility to make abuse stop, it was hers to make sure it never started in the first place.

I know flashbacks and memories are really hard to deal with, and I'm sorry that you are having to go through them. Have you ever thought about trying counseling? I know it can seem scary, but I truly do believe it helps. You don't have to go through all of this alone and a therapist is trained to help you manage these types of things. Plus it's always nice to have someone you can talk with confidentially.

As for what CPS will do, you will just have to wait and see. Hopefully they can help make things safe for you and put you in touch with people that can help you work through the abuse.

I really hope you're doing okay right now. Please don't hesitate to PM me if you need to talk.
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Re: social worker - December 11th 2009, 04:17 AM

Hey Theresa,

Firstly, I am really, really proud of you. Telling your coaches must have been hard, but I am glad you did. I know how hard it can be to tell someone, especially if you know they will have to report it. It takes a love of strength and courage to talk about it, but it does get easier with time.

What happened was not your fault. You were a child. Children should not have to protect themselves from adults, or try to stop an adult from hurting them. Those adults, especially those who are suppose to care for us, should make sure it never happens in the first place. She was suppose to protect you from abuse. Besides that, I doubt you could have stopped her without telling. Adults often hurt children because they are smaller, and cannot fight back.

Maybe you should have told, but you were young. I'm willing to bet you probably didn't understand it, and when an adult tells you that it is okay, or that you will get in trouble if you tell, often you believe them. It was not your fault.

Flashbacks can be painful and hard to deal with. Have you tried grounding techniques? I'm not that great at explaining it, but basically you 'ground' yourself. You force yourself to focus on the things around you, and not on the flashback. A much better explanation can be found here. That article talks mainly about dissociation, but the grounding kit works for flashbacks too. Talking about it also helps the flashbacks lessen. Clearly you trust your coaches; maybe ask one of them if you can talk to them if you have a bad flashback, or even when you just need someone to talk to about it?

CPS is not as scary as them seem. just be completely honest with them, and they can help make sure you are safe, and maybe even help set you up with counseling services.

Just hang in there, Theresa. If you need anything, feel free to pm me.


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Re: social worker - December 11th 2009, 11:58 AM

Hey everyone thanks for the respons i dont know what i want to do right now and i am just tried of being sad and depressed all the time and not being able to talk about it. i think that i will be ok but i dont know what is in for me right now. It has been hard and i really cant talk to my mom.
   
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Re: social worker - December 15th 2009, 07:39 AM

I can give you advice from a more practical side. When the call comes through from Child Protection then will want to speak to all of your family. It is likely a child protection conference will be called which you may need to be present at.

Now that you've "opened the floodgates" so to speak, you're going to be asked a lot of questions. However, once you've answered those questions you'll be provided with counselling and a social worker who will make regular contact visits with you.

If you don't live with your grandparents then you don't need to worry about your care arrangements because it is likely you will remain with your parents. I don't see any reason why you wouldn't unless they encouraged or supported the abuse you went through.

CPS will carry out some assessments with you and your family. Everything you say will be treated as confidential (unless you are a serious risk to yourself or somebody else, that's the universal clause and the social worker will explain this to you).

Social workers who work in Child Protection have had a lot of training and will have dealt with a lot of similar cases. Provided you are honest with them they will be able to help you.

Well done for telling somebody and good luck.
   
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Re: social worker - December 15th 2009, 08:36 PM

Theresa, I have worked with Child Services in the US before, and if you want to talk to someone about what it is like, I am will to talk via PM or any IMing service there is. I hope things get better for you.

--Abby


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