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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Through-Glass Offline
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I never said no. - December 13th 2009, 06:39 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My ex-boyfriend would touch me, put his hands under my clothes, put his weight on top of me. It hurt so much, but I stayed quiet. I never said no.

I said, "I can't say no to you, I'm too afraid to lose you."

He said, "So you've basically been letting me abuse you?"

I said, "Yes."

He cried. But nothing changed.

When he was finished, I would go hide in the bathroom. I would cry, cut my skin. After months of this ritual, I stopped bothering to hide the cuts.

He would acknowledge them, bow his head, shed a few tears. But nothing changed.

I would tense my muscles, avoid his touch. He would pull me closer to him; I was trapped. But I never said no.

It wasn't abuse, because I never said no. But it hurts so fucking much.

It wasn't abuse...was it?


[/url]
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in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
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but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I never said no. - December 13th 2009, 06:57 AM

Honey if you think its abuse then it is. And you should tell him no.. Even if it leads to loosing him.. Because one day its going to lead to more then touching. He may have sex with you. He may do what he wants to you. And you have to say no. Just because you dont want to loose him doesnt give him any right to put his hands on you. You shouldnt let this happen again. TELL HIM NO. Not unless one day you think you want to. Thats sexual harrasment. And he cant do anything about it if you file charges. Which i think you should. Even if you love this person or not.

No one should be put through this. You are blinded by love. And he has NOOOOOOO right to touch you unless you want to be touched.

Sex is supposed to be with someone you love and cherish. and if he dont cherish you and love you (even if he says he does) then dont let him touch you. EVen if you cant say no. Pull his hand away and say please dont do this. If you love me then you wont do this until i am ready.. and if he says if you love me then you will let me.. LEAVE HIM. every body deserves someone good.. and someone telling or touching you when you dont want to be touched is not a good person..

Im sorry. You probably didnt want to hear this but i just needed you to see another side of your story..


~~~Brittany Loves Timothy~~~
   
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Re: I never said no. - December 13th 2009, 11:16 AM

its abuse. he knew it wasnt wat u wanted


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I never said no. - December 13th 2009, 01:35 PM

Yes it is abuse....it was obvious to him that you didn't want it, yet he still went a head with it. I noticed you say "exboyfriend" ...good you have left him.

( I never actually said no either, but I was too scared and surprised when the guys grabbed me.....its still the same thing...sex abuse)




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We give each other strength to make it through the darkness." Silverstein

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Re: I never said no. - December 13th 2009, 05:55 PM

if he knows that you are cutting yourself because of him and dont like what he is doing then that is the same as you saying no. he even said that he knows he is abusing you and so i would consider that abuse.

if he knows that you are going to cut yourself after he does something to you and he does it anyway , that is worse than if you just said no and he did it anyway.
   
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Re: I never said no. - December 13th 2009, 09:56 PM

There are just so many confusing factors about this, I just don't know what to think. I mean, he WAS my boyfriend, and I did kind of want it I guess. On the outside, it all felt nice, but I felt dead on the inside. But he couldn't have known how I was feeling on the inside, he just couldn't have. Besides, I never said no during.

But at the same time, he acted like he understood. I thought that he did, and then he would initiate it all over again. One time, he had his hands in my pants and I told him to stop.

He stopped and asked, "Why?"

I said, "It's too intense. It doesn't feel right."

After that, he wouldn't stop. I tried to pull his hand away, but he was so much stronger that it didn't even phase him.

But I didn't say, "Because I don't want it" or "Because it hurts" or anything like that. I gave totally mixed signals, so it was all my fault. I didn't use my assertive voice, so it was all my fault. I sort of enjoyed it on the outside, so it was all my fault.

I need to die.


[/url]
"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"
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Re: I never said no. - December 13th 2009, 10:53 PM

Jessi,

You told him to stop, and that's the same as no. He hurt you, and it wasn't your fault. He was your boyfriend, and he should have asked first before trying anything. He shouldn't have done anything that made you uncomfortable. You tried to stop him, push him away. It is not your fault Jessi, and I will say that as much as you need to hear it. It was abuse, and it was NOT your fault.

If you need anything Jessi, feel free to pm me.


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Sometimes things just happen.


Smile through the tears.


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Re: I never said no. - December 15th 2009, 03:21 AM

I don't have anything more to add to what have been said.
Just ..It was not your fault at all. It does not matter if he was your bf...he abused you.




"Think of your life as a book, move forward, close one chapter and open another." Unknown

We give each other strength to make it through the darkness." Silverstein

‎"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." John W. Gardner

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot

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Re: I never said no. - December 16th 2009, 01:08 AM

First of all, it was abuse. He asked you if that's what it was to you, and you confirmed it, so he should have backed off right there and then. I'm so sorry that this happened to you, and like everyone else has said, never think that this is your fault. You don't need to die. You're still you, even if the relationship is over, even if you were too scared to do anything to stop him. It wasn't your fault at all. He did that to you. You didn't ask him to. I know you probably feel like it was, but believe me, it wasn't. Like I said, if he knew what this was doing to you, he should have stopped. I'm so sorry that he didn't. Please don't give up on yourself or other people. It's never too late for you to heal. With time, you can get past this and let go of him. It might be hard, but trust me, it's not worth dying over. In the meantime if you need to talk about it, feel free to send me a PM. Good luck.
   
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Re: I never said no. - December 20th 2009, 02:01 AM

He knew what he was doing, and could tell how you felt, yet he still continued. He was only interested in his own "needs" You shouldn't feel it was your fault. He was a jerk and doesn't deserve to be with you.
   
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Re: I never said no. - December 20th 2009, 01:32 PM

I completely agree with the people above. he knew what he was doin and if he saw your cuts he should have known he was hurting u or that something was wrong. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. you did nothing wrong and im so glade that he is now your ex.


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Re: I never said no. - December 20th 2009, 09:29 PM

I didn't say no either.
I also didn't say yes.
Different people have different views of what is considered "abuse". I think the fact that you were hurt by what happened, that you are suffering, is more important than why you are suffering or what the label should be.

megan



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and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
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