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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
x_CaClove_x Offline
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So here is the deal - December 24th 2009, 04:13 AM

Around this time last year I started talking to one of my teachers online. I have a lot of family issues and a lot of self-esteem issues. We talked a lot about them. Then everything started turning flirtatious and sexual in content. Eventually I went over to his house sometime in early march of this year. He kissed me. As time progressed, through talking and whatnot, we eventually started having sex. I felt gross and disgusting. I hated it, I didn't want to do it, but I pretended I did because I felt that's what he wanted and I owed it to him I guess. My teacher was 33 and I was 16.Eventually I told him I didnt want to do it anymore. He didn't seem to have a problem with it and he still talked to me, albeit it was a lot less. He always told me I was beautiful and intelligent. I was going through a lot at home, my mom and her girlfriend were physically abusive to each other, emotionally abusive to me, I felt like my life was going downhill and I couldn't stop it. And he knew all this. Well eventually after I had told him i didnt like it, he started trying to get with me again. I told him no and then he just quit talking to me. Eventually, I told my mom what happened. At first she didn't blame me. Now every chance she gets she throws it in my face. I don't know who is to blame here. I feel it's all my fault that I had to go to the police and now his life is ruined. I feel like I did something wrong. I should have either closed my legs or kept my mouth shut right?

well now ive had sex with 12 guys. in one year. I feel like a whore and a slut. i run to guys when i can't deal with my life anymore and i dont know how to change that. I want to be loved so much that I will take it in any form I can. I just don't know what to do anymore. I hate who I am and what i'm doing. I just don't know how to change it.
I don't know anymore...
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: So here is the deal - December 24th 2009, 04:14 AM

Sorry if this was confusing.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: So here is the deal - December 24th 2009, 05:01 AM

Hey there. I'm so sorry for what you have had to go through. Your teacher was an adult and he used his position of power and the situation you were in to take advantage of you. What happened was his fault hun, not yours. He was the only one that ruined his life. I'm proud of you for being able to go to the police. I'm sure it took a lot of strength and courage.

Have you thought about talking with a therapist? You have already taken a huge step in going to the police maybe the next one could be getting help for yourself to heal? I know it can be a scary thing, but talking about what happened, especially with someone trained to help, can be really nice.

And hun, it's okay that you reacted to the abuse by becoming more promiscuous. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are not a whore nor a slut. This is actually a more common reaction than you may think. Your mind is trying to deal with what happened in any way it can and this is what it found for a quick fix. It's good that you have realized this isn't going to solve things for you in the long run though. Hopefully if you give counseling a try they could help you work through this too. You deserve to be loved. Real and meaningful love though.

I hope you are doing okay. Be good to yourself and please PM me if you ever need someone to talk with.
<3 Emily


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: So here is the deal - December 24th 2009, 08:03 AM

Hey,

I'm sorry things have got too much for you.
You were not in the wrong, it was your teacher, he was in a position of trust and should not be trying to sleep with his students. He's a grown man he should know much better. You were vulnerable and he should have known this. Your mum is not right to blame you about this. I guess for your mum she must be really confused as to why this happened. This is not an excuse for her blaming you though. She must see this is some kind of cry for help and you're struggling in some way.
You can turn this around. You don't have to look to guys for love, especially when all you're getting out of it is sex. You know your way of coping is not the best way I think.
Look to friends for support and love instead of guys who are just having sex with you and nothing more.
Try to calm down, it's not helping you. You're not gaining anything out of this really are you?
I can understand you're having a hard time right now.
Maybe you could try speaking to a counsellor about the way you're feeling. Counsellors can really help and there are lots of free and confidential services there at your disposal.
I would speak to your mum and let her know how you're feeling about the way her and her girlfriend are acting, let her know how it's affecting you- maybe she doesn't realise how much their actions are affecting you.

You can turn this around as I said and eventually you will find a guy who loves and respects you just the way you are without needing to gain just sex out of things.
Everyone struggles with things, it's just about the way you decide to deal with them. It sounds to me like you're ready to turn things around, make 2010 the year that you do it.
I'm always here if you need to talk.
Much Love, Paige xox
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: So here is the deal - December 24th 2009, 04:19 PM

The main thing is that I am talking to a counselor and she doesn't really help that much. She told me I was depressed and needed to be prescribed medication and sent my to a psychologist. My mom completely ignored it though and didn't let me go.
My mom doesn't care how this effects me. Either that or she doesn't want to admit that she's doing something wrong, because her and her gf's relationship has been going on for five years now. Same crap that only I deal with. My mom has tried to kill herself on multiple occassions and she used to get beeat up by her girlfriend and I was always the one to "save" her. She loves telling me I'm the only one she can really trust and lean on and then telling me I'm worthless and self-centered. I just don't know what to do anymore.
And on the promiscuity thing, it's getting bad because the guys i've slept with haven't all been single. two of the most recent ones have been in relationships with girls for a year or more. one of the guys was my best friends boyfriend. I feel... horrible. I told that guy that I didn't want to do it, but he convinced me to go over there. And while we were kissing and stuff I tried to push him away but he wouldn't let me. I tried to tell him I didn't want to but he didn't listen. Of course I led him on right? I did like him and I told him that so maybe he just thought i said no because i was afraid or something?
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: So here is the deal - December 28th 2009, 01:19 AM

hey hun.
if i were you i would try to convince your mom to let you go to the psychologist.
and if she wont let you go to one. send me a PM and ill talk with ya to try and help you out.
and right now your mom's in a bad place, she doesnt know what to really do, she is making you feel bad cos she feels that way and with most people they make other feel bad to make themselves feel better.
and it wasnt your fault that guy did that to you. you told him no. he didnt listen to you. dont blame yourself for that. it wasnt your fault.
and hun just remember if you need to talk to someone just send me a PM and ill do all i can to help you out.
Jah Bless
   
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