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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
L'espoir Offline
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I feel disgusting - January 16th 2010, 10:55 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I still can't work it all out, I'm so stupid sometimes, why can't I just accept it and move on. That would be the sensible thing to do. I just can't forget it though, I keep thinking about it and it scares me, it makes me anxious and upset.

I realise that I have been hurt once by them, why do I think that I'm safe now? Anyone could hurt me just like that and I'm so vulnerable to it.

You know, we were in year 9, that means we must have been 13/14yrs old? I dont know if they didn't realise it was wrong but how could they not... If someone cries and gets upset and gets panic attacks surely you realise they don't want it. Surely you realise it isn't a joke to them, no matter how funny you might find the violation. Thats how I see it, I feel so violated. Sometimes I can still feel their hands on me and I feel sick. I know I wasn't raped so its probably no big deal but it was important to me.

What really makes me feel pathetic is that I can't work out whether or not it was anything I should be upset about. Other people in my class knew, one of them even said I was being stupid, that I should stop making a big deal out of it. Maybe she was right. I feel scared though, especially when I see them, it makes me stop in my tracks and for a minute I stop breathing. I wonder if they have forgotten now.

It's probably easy enough for them to move on, pretend it didn't happen. Unfortunately I haven't been able to, I'm still stuck on it and nobody other than the class we were in knows about it.

What am I supposed to do?


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Re: I feel disgusting - January 16th 2010, 11:15 AM

Jen, I'm so sorry to hear that something like this has happend to you.
Firstly your not stupid at all, things like these take a while to get over and accept. There is no time limit for these sort of things.

I think they must of known it was wrong or at least known it was wrong after you got upset. Also, it dosen't matter if it was rape or not. It's still important and a big deal. You have a right to feel upset. What happend to you was totally wrong.

I think you should maybe try talking to someone you trust like a family member or friend about it. You shouldn't have to deal with this on your own.

I hope that some of what I've said has helped at all and feel free to PM if you wish to talk further. Take care.


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Re: I feel disgusting - January 19th 2010, 02:43 AM

Drop that "friend" of yours. I don't know what happened but it is a big deal to you since it is hurting you this much. I would suggest you drop that friend who is letting you hurt. And then slowly get passed this while doing your best not to be afraid anymore of anyone. And resolve also to not be associated with people who hurt you like this and not to allow it to happen again. It will take time but you should go slowly. And also you are not stupid for still hurting, certainly not.

Last edited by Jacksonian; January 19th 2010 at 02:45 AM. Reason: addition
   
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Re: I feel disgusting - January 20th 2010, 09:21 PM

Thanks, I'm still finding it quite hard and I saw one of the guys who did it the other day. I felt sick and walked away. I just don't feel like I can tell anyone because if anyone tried to do something about it my year would just hate me and I can't deal with that. Another reason is that I am too ashamed and anxious about it all; I fail at talking to people F2F so badly. My mum always tells me its something to do with me, like that I should try harder or something. I just feel like I have to try and get over it alone but it feels too big and sometimes I just sit and cry. I realise just how pathetic I sound but yeah, I pretty much am!


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Re: I feel disgusting - January 23rd 2010, 12:53 PM

Sorry the late reply deary. First let me start off by saying that your not pathetic at all. And it's alright if your still finding it hard. Anyone would in this situation. It can't be easy to deal with. but the fact that your posting this proves that your a strong person and that you will get through this.

I also know how you feel about the hating to talk to people face to face. I hate it too. If you feel you can't talk to anyone F2F about it, why don't you try writing a letter or email to someone about it and about how you feel?

I hope you feel better soon I'm sorry that I can't really help much. Feel free to PM me if you need anything. Take care. <3


Come on boys, come on girls
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Re: I feel disgusting - January 24th 2010, 11:02 PM

You have every right to feel this way, what they did was wrong. I think you should have reported them to the Police, and they should be behind bars for assault.
   
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