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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
samantha_sykes Offline
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Name: Samantha Sykes
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Unhappy My story. - January 18th 2010, 12:59 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My step-dad has always believed that I was a mistake. Ever since my mom cheated on him and got pregnant with my brother Ryan and I. He's always, since I was able to remember, made it very clear to me that one day, he will kill me. And he has tried many of times before.
He molested me from when I was 7 to 8. Then when I was 8 and he and my mom divorced, he began raping me, because I was older and there was more opportunity. I didn't tell my mom until I was 9. After my dad let his friend rape me for my 9th birthday "present". From that moment on, I lived in fear of everything and everyone around me. I hated everyone, I loved no one, I cared for no one. I didn't eat, I didn't talk, and I didn't sleep. I stared at the ceiling for the most part. In 6th grade, I got really bad. I ate at school, it was against the rules not to. But then I purged afterwards. Which was more satisfying then eating nothing at all. Then in 8th grade, I began to cut.
My dad had stopped raping me at this point, and began just beating me and using verbal abuse to get me to hurt myself. He figured that, this way, he couldn't get in trouble, if he verbally abused me until I tried to kill myself.
He still yells at me. I still cut myself. I still wish that he would just kill me so he could be throughly satisfied with himself. I'm 15 years old, and I just want to die.
   
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Emily. Offline
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Re: My story. - January 18th 2010, 05:41 PM

Hey there Samantha. Your step-dad sounds like a horribly awful person and I am so sorry for everything he has put you through. You are not a mistake though, and what has happened to you is not your fault.

I'm proud of you for being able to open up here. It's a really good first step.

I really think you need to tell someone in your life what's going on though. You do not deserve to be hurt in any way. Is there an adult you trust to talk to? Maybe your mom or a teacher or the school counselor? You deserve to be safe and to have adults on your side that will help you. I know it's hard to talk sometimes, but what he is doing is wrong and you shouldn't have to suffer through it. If you find it hard to talk, you could always write a letter or an email to someone too.

I also think trying counseling would be a good idea. It sounds like you have been turning towards self harm and eating disorders to cope with everything, and you don't deserve to be hurt like that Samantha. Abuse and trying to work through it is tough and it's okay to ask for help. A therapist will be able to help you work through what's happened and find better ways to deal with your emotions. I know it's hard when you feel ready to give up, but you deserve life and to find some happiness in it. It will take effort on your part, but with some time and support you will get there.

I hope you are doing okay right now. Keep yourself safe and feel free to PM me anytime.
<3 Emily


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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Re: My story. - January 19th 2010, 05:19 AM

Why are you still seeing him? He was only your step-dad, so he has no paternal claim to you. Your mom is still letting him see you after their divorce? You couldn't go to the police, prove he's not your father and stop seeing him?
   
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Re: My story. - January 19th 2010, 06:42 AM

he's been set as my "father figure" since I was born. since my biological father wasn't in the picture till a couple years back. and my mom doesn't seem to care that he does these things
   
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Emily. Offline
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Re: My story. - January 19th 2010, 10:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pheonix View Post
Why are you still seeing him? He was only your step-dad, so he has no paternal claim to you. Your mom is still letting him see you after their divorce? You couldn't go to the police, prove he's not your father and stop seeing him?
Quote:
Originally Posted by samantha_sykes View Post
he's been set as my "father figure" since I was born. since my biological father wasn't in the picture till a couple years back. and my mom doesn't seem to care that he does these things
Pheonix is right. If he never officially went through the legalities of getting custody over you, he has no right to see you after the divorce.

Even if he did get those rights, he still has no right to see you when he's hurting you like this.

If your mom doesn't seem to care what's happening, then tell someone else. You do not deserve to be treated like this at all. You mentioned your biological father came into the picture a few years back. What about telling him what's going on?

Keep yourself safe.

<3 Emily


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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samantha_sykes Offline
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Re: My story. - January 23rd 2010, 07:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bringontherain View Post



Pheonix is right. If he never officially went through the legalities of getting custody over you, he has no right to see you after the divorce.

Even if he did get those rights, he still has no right to see you when he's hurting you like this.

If your mom doesn't seem to care what's happening, then tell someone else. You do not deserve to be treated like this at all. You mentioned your biological father came into the picture a few years back. What about telling him what's going on?

Keep yourself safe.

<3 Emily
my biological dad died last year though... so he's not much of an option...
   
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Re: My story. - January 24th 2010, 11:09 PM

You should call Child Protective Services and the Police, and tell your mom about what he's doing. Try and find another family member or a close friend that you can move out with so you never have to put up with him again.
This isn't your fault, it is his fault, and you don't deserve this.
   
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Re: My story. - January 25th 2010, 01:08 AM

I agree, call child protective services about the abuse, I hope you've told your mom... being quiet about abuse and rape will never solve anything, the louder you are about your situation the more help you'll get with it. I'm really hoping you can get a social worker on your case who can get a court order against this man so you'll never have to see him again and in ALL hopes he'll be put behind bars for child molestation.





"When it comes down to it I let them think what they want, if they care enough to bother with what I do then I'm already better than them." Marilyn Monroe.
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Re: My story. - January 25th 2010, 01:44 AM

Samantha,

it sounds like you've had a horrible life. i agree with the others you should call cps, and tell someone you trust who's close to you.

you don't deserve to be in this situation, and you deserve to have to deal with self harm and an eating disorder.

we all care about you.

feel free to email me anytime at alexshort154@yahoo.com


~Alex

Last day I cut: 7-13-2010

I believe in everyone that I help that they will get over whatever they are struggling with.

I regret nothing in my past. My past made me who I am today.

There is freedom from self harm feel free to email me anytime if you wanna chat at:
alexshort154@yahoo.com


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