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starrynight Offline
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Unhappy How did i get here again? - January 26th 2010, 06:15 AM

So this will be my first thread on this site. Im not sure if there is anything that can be done about my situation but all i know is that i am super depressed about where my life has taken me.
Basically, i grew up with a severely verbally abusive dad. He pretty much terrorized me on a daily basis telling me that i was fat, worthless, ugly, stupid, that he wished i was never born, im a mistake, and also threatening to physically hurt me, etc. etc. I remember one day he told me he was 'going to cut my tit off and sew it into a pouch' which has always stuck with me. Anyways, this led me to being seriously depressed in high school and i also started cutting myself and doing drugs. So when i was 17 i moved out and went to college and it took me 5 years to really start to overcome all the crap i went through while growing up.
On to my current issue, after graduating college i was forced to move back in with my parents because i am financially unstable and they are not charging me rent which is nice and all but now i am back to living with my dad who has not changed. I have been living with them for 7 months now and i honestly feel like everyday spent here i am become more and more like the person i was in high school and it's like literally killing my soul. I don't really know what to do to change it because at this point i still am not financially stable enough to move out so i feel like until i have enough money to move out there is nothing that can be done. I thought about trying to talk to my dad about it but i tried that in high school and he just laughed in my face when i told him that he scared me. I dont see why it would be any different now and im honestly too terrified of him to even try to talk to him again. But at the same time, being 23 years old, i shouldnt have to put up with this crap. Im tired of being treated like a child and having someone i live with constantly and repeatedly belittle and terrorize me.
Alright, kind of a long winded thread but i was hoping maybe someone out there had some advice for me.
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Re: How did i get here again? - January 26th 2010, 04:36 PM

Hey there,

First of all, I'd like to welcome you to the Teen Help community. It's always nice to see new members and I'm glad to see you're jumping right into the forums. You're certainly more than welcome, and I hope you can find some answers to your problem.

Being verbally abused is definitely something that can affect you deeply, and for a long period of time. Unfortunately, some of the people who are abusing others disregard or don't fully understand the harm of their actions. I am truly sorry your father treats you this way, because it isn't fair and you are a good person, who doesn't deserve this treatment. I can understand the need for money, and if you can't find any friends to room with (splitting rent to make it easier to afford?) or other family members who could perhaps take you in until you can get a firm start financially, then you can try to make living with your father as positive as possible.

You may want to suggest family counseling to your father, or begin seeing someone on your own. This may not fix your fathers actions, but it would give you a positive place to vent without medications or harming yourself. I know the words of your dad hurt you deeply, so try and not prolong that hurt with harming yourself to run away from the pain. Sometimes, we need to be honest because self destruction only leads you down a road that's more trouble.

A very important thing to do is to begin journaling. Regardless of if it's private, here on TH, or in a booklet in your room, venting your emotions and getting how you feel out is better than resorting to harming yourself and holding it in. Because eventually, when we hold something in so long, it builds up until we can't put words to why we feel horrible. It will also help you cope in a healthy way, which is what we're aiming for.

You might also want to try making your relationship with your father strictly professional. By this, I mean, accepting that the way he is treating you is wrong and so treating you living with him as a business proposal. Your parts of the house are your own, you take care of yourself etc. Try getting out a lot more and maybe having a fitness routine? Getting fit, or at least being active, is a good way to build your self confidence so you KNOW you're beautiful no matter what, and what your father has to say doesn't matter because you believe you're beautiful. I'm not saying to lose weight etc. I'm just saying to get out and do things for yourself. It's proven that working out can boost your mood and make you feel good about yourself. Even if it's a walk for yourself. You are important and keep that in mind when making decisions. Replace the bad habits with something healthy, and you'll see an improvement. Try and be positive and remember change takes time.

I hope this helped you a little bit, and I really wish you the best of luck. Take care. Stay strong.


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