Triggering (Abuse): Finnaly coming out of the closet about what happened 2 months ago

[ShAtTerEd HeaRt]

Im very confused with everything that happened really. i didnt even relize it until i relized just a few weeks ago what it was considered.

my bestfriend, Autumn (not her real name) and
me were at one of my friends partys. we went to the gym just for fun
and was playing volleyball and tennis and stuff. everything was going very well. well what happened is she made me give into telling her that i kissed a girl (one of my friends named Amber who was also with me at the gym and another friend named Lauren) she was a little bit shocked but didnt say anything after that. i was with Amber in the locker rooms alone. we were just talking and starting to flirt (she was never my gf) and we just did one little kiss. i know autumn couldnt have known any of me and her kissing again. so then Autumn slammed threw the door and started asking if we were bi, then she was like "come on show me if you guys really are bi) me and my friend Amber said no so many times,
and whenever we said no she wud just shove me and ambers lips together when we didnt want to. then shes said, "now touch amber like this" and she touched me on my sides and rubbed against me and started touching my legs. some of it was under my clothes, pretty much none of it was under the clothes, and when i wud say no then Autumn wud just start humping me everywhere and in the face too, she made me go down on her, she said "now lets see how close you can get to my face winter" she wud make me get really close to her face and do all of this stuff when i didnt want to, and i think when i said no she wud be like "do it, do it right now, no im gonna make you do it" "im gonna make you get turned on" she made me do things with Amber i never wanted to do, she made me do things with her i didnt want to do, in a way i liked it if that sounds crazy enough but in a lot of ways i didnt. there were things she did that i may not have said no too but still, she forced me. when we wud say no she wud shove me to the wall and just physically make me do it anyway. it lasted for about 2 to 3 hours that whole night. it was just a night of nagging and pushing me into stuff i didnt want to do. and also i remember her pleading please when we wud say no too, it was awful. she didnt hurt us or anything, we got no marks or anything like that but still, i want to charge her with assault but we cant really becuz there is no evidence what so ever of it happening and its pointless putting more stress on myself right now. it hasnt really bothered me a lot i mean it did in a way but in a way it really didnt bother me. i had no emotional effect except for right after it happened i was more depressed in a way, but that was about it.
i know i shouldnt ask this becuz they already say here every kind of assault and rape you can think of but still, it didnt fit in any catagory what so ever of what happened between me and autumn. my councler says i was in a way assaulted, not a full assault since she didnt hurt me and theres no marks on me but she did nag on pressure me and we said no for quite a long time. still, im questioning if i was assaulted. is there anyone here that has bene assaulted and never had an emotional effect them after it?
is there something wrong with me if i dont have any effect from it?

[Casey.]

Hey Winter,


Everyone reacts differently to things like assault. You aren't reacting 'wrong', and just because it doesn't bother you, doesn't mean that she was not wrong to say and do those things to you and your friend.

Everyone is different, so our reactions to different situations are different. Take me and one of my friends, we were both assaulted, in different ways. It doesn't bother her at all, she's over it, and that's okay. It upsets me, I'm still healing from it, and that's okay too. Whatever you feel, or don't feel, is completely okay.

Take care, and if you need anything, feel free to pm me.