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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BrokenBird Offline
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My friend's being abused - February 24th 2010, 01:05 AM

Hi. I'm 13, and this is my first time using this site, so I don't really know what I'm doing. I wrote to Kids Help Phone, but they didn't respond.

*Deep breath* Here goes nothing...

Ok, I met this girl online. Let's call her Cindy. She's in a bad situation.

Cindy is 12. She's depressed, emotionally disturbed, and has very low self-esteem. Last year, she attempted suicide 3 times. She's a former cutter and doesn't feel like she can trust her family.

Cindy confided in me that she and her brother are living in poverty. Her parents are alcoholics. They are emotionally abusive, always yelling at Cindy and saying "I hate you." This includes when they're sober, sometimes.

Her parents are sometimes physically abusive as well. They've beaten her before.

She's tried to run away from home a lot.

I'm worried for Cindy. I have trouble sleeping because I'm worried her parents might kill her or something.

I'm not close to my parents and I'm worried they'll be mad that I tell stuff to an internet friend. There's no way I can tell them.

I can't use a telephone hotline, I'll get caught no matter what.

I'm worried Cindy might end up in some crappy foster home and get mad at me for telling.

What do I do? Can I report child abuse online or something?

Please help, you have to believe me. I'm so confused and scared for my friend.

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xyzman Offline
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Re: My friend's being abused - February 24th 2010, 01:22 AM

im sry i cant help right naw ill see wut i can figer out to help u and ur frend

o and dont be scared to mp me
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Emily. Offline
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Re: My friend's being abused - February 24th 2010, 01:53 AM

Hey there.

It sounds like you care about your friend a lot and I'm proud of you for trying to get her some help. The best advice I can give you is to not be afraid to involve some adults. Depending on which country you/she is in, you may be able to report the abuse anonymously. If you have her full name and address, etc. Social Services has an anonymous reporting line.

If you are in the US, these links here and here have numbers for the different states. If you can't call from home, you could always use a friend's phone or a pay phone somewhere.

Just do your best to get her help and be there for her. And maybe think about telling your parents? I understand if you feel like you can't, but sometimes parents can surprise us. Plus they can be really helpful when trying to get through things.

As for Cindy being mad at you, sometimes you have to do what's best for someone even if they will be a bit upset. Cindy deserves to have a safe place to call home and grow up in and you would only be helping her get that.

Take care of yourself and you can PM me if you need anything.
<3 Emily

"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

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Re: My friend's being abused - February 24th 2010, 08:39 AM

I think you should check the hotlines mentioned previously and I think you should give the ones that are in your friends area to her. Let her know they are annonomous and confidential. I think that you should try and encourage your friend to tell someone, a counselor at school or another adult, they might be able to help her find resources and get her out of her home.
I know it will be hard for her to confide in someone but in order for her to get a better life and for her parents to get help other people need to step in.
About you being worried she will be mad at you for telling on her parents and getting her in a foster home, that's okay and perfectly normal.
Going into a foster home, on either short notice or with a timely notice isn't an easy thing to do; I've been there. Usually foster homes are caring, loving and safe places to live. If she doesn't feel that the home she is put in is safe, she can tell her social worker and they will investigate and if need be, they will put her into a different home.
If the time comes when your friend must move to a foster home, just let her know you will always be available to chat, having friends and someone she can trust during this time will be crucial. With her deppression she'll most likely be having a hard time and knowing someone is there for her might help her adjust, even if you are far away from each other.
I hope this has helped and if you ever need anything, you can pm me.

"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
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Re: My friend's being abused - February 24th 2010, 04:10 PM

Hey there,

I think it is great that you care so much about your friend. In a situation like this people need to have caring friends around. So, your friend is definitely lucky to have you around.

Now, I think you should definitely consider calling those hotlines listed. I know it will be a scary thing to do but in the end it might help you and your friend the most. If you friend is living in that type of environment she is in a lot of emotional danger not to mention the physical danger. If you were to try and get help for her it could lead to her getting out of that environment or it could lead to her parents getting the help they need to be better parents.

I know it is scary to think about the consequences of telling someone but if you think about it wouldn't you rather lose your friend emotionally rather than physically? What I mean is your friend may lose trust in you but she will still be there. However, if she stays in that environment she might end up dying.

I am not trying to scare you or anything but from what you have said it sounds like this environment is taking its toll on your friend and she needs something new.

Please hang in there and if you need anything do not hesitate to pm me.


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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: My friend's being abused - February 27th 2010, 07:41 PM

Call the hotlines. And if you see any opening for help, go for it and don't wait. It is never wrong to do what is right and never be afraid to do what is right.

I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
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