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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Living in Silence - March 1st 2010, 05:32 AM

I don't really know how to start this out honestly. I guess at the beginning, hopefully I don't bore you because I really could use some help. I was sexually abused my a cousin who was also my best friend my seventh and eighth grade years, it was a continuing thing and I lived in silence for two years before I broke my silence and told my teacher about it. We went through all the legal proceedings and nothing came of it. It put me and my family through a tremendous amount of stress and I swore I would never go through that again.

I am now a senior in high school and over the summer I became friends with my radio shack salesmen. He was 21 and I don't know why but I was drawn to him, he wasn't even that attractive, but he was a smooth talker. I did not date him I got involved with someone else who is actually even older than that and I am still with this person now. Anyway my salesman didn't give up. A few months later I got a job in the same mall at a fast food place and he came by one day and saw that I was working. I got really nervous when he came in and I knew my "crush" hadn't gone away. He asked for my number and I gave it to him and we became friends. A couple weeks later I somehow stupidly convinced myself I would rather be with this guy than my boyfriend so I tried to break it off. My boyfriend knew of let's call him Jack and could tell something wasn't right from the start. After talking for several hours about it, he convinced me to stay with him and throw Jack to the curb. (Understand this was not in a controlling way, he believed that I did not really want to do this and that Jack was somehow manipulating me, he still tells me today if I find someone younger I want to be with over him then okay he will let me go).

After that conversation I told my boyfriend I had set up a lunch with Jack at a time that we both had breaks in between my double shift and I was going to tell him then that we could not be anything more than friends. My boyfriend was okay with that. Well Jack and I decided to go to the Mcdonald's down the street from our mall and we took his car. On the way there he took my hand and i thought no big deal i will let him have a tiny bit of happiness before i destroy his heart. Then he tried to put his hand on my leg and i kept trying to move it. When we got out he put his arm around my waist and I tried to move away obviously uncomfortable but he wouldn't let me. I barely ate and i told him i was staying with my boyfriend and we could just be friends. This to him was a challenge and he told me he wouldn't take that and he was going to fight for me. I shrugged it off knowing it was his ego.

I realize now I should have never gotten back in the car with him, i should have called my manager and had him come get me but i didn't. when we got back to the mall he started to kiss me i pulled away, got out and started walking towards the mall he grabbed and started kissing me and put his hand up under my shirt and started feeling my breasts I told him to stop and tried to pull away or kick him and he had too strong a hold of me. Then he put my hand on his penis and told me to meet him there after work. I just stood there in complete disbelief of what i had just happened and walked back through the mall in a haze. At that time the thought of telling anyone did not even occur to me despite what had happened to me when i was younger. I was too shook up too surprised to everything to think logically. I told my boyfriend that night and he was mad, he didn't understand why i didn't tell the police or why i didn't tell him when i called him right after. there was no way to explain it, he told me he wanted me to have nothing to do with Jack and to stay away from him. That was my intent.

For several months i did just that, but he was never out of my mind. I hated him I couldn't believe what he had done but something drew me to him and i started to talk to him again. i told my boyfriend and he was very unhappy about it, i came up with some excuse when really i had no idea why i was talking to him, i didn't really want to i just felt i had to i went crazy if i went more than a couple hours of not talking to him. it was like i was in a trance and couldn't break free. i am a very soft person and i have a passion for helping people. Jack figured this out early and took full advantage of it. I see now that this is how I got sucked into his trance i was afraid to hurt him, i am afraid to hurt anyone.

In January he struck again. I was in class at my college and he texted me and told me he was really upset and wanted to know if i would sit in his car and talk to him. The girl he was supposedly trying to date was having a lot of health problems that he had been talking to me about and i felt really sorry for him so i agreed even though my better judgement was telling me not to. In his car he preceeded to once again force himself on me. I told him no but he continued anyway. The tight quarters that we were in it was hard to get away i really didn't have a choice but to take it. He did not get a chance to rape me, he rubbed his penis on the outside of my vagina and tried to go in but i managed to stop him. After that I got out and went back to my car and locked the doors. i called my boyfriend but couldn't tell him. When i finally did tell him three weeks later i almost lost him over it.

this guy is no longer in my life by choice he has been blocked in every way of electronically contacting me that is possible. he has showed up to my work before when i have not been there asking for me and trying to get my manager to give him my hours but that is all i have heard from him. His ex who i have lightly confided in had to move across the country to get away from. he is tormenting another girl at my work as well. None of the girls at my work feel safe to walk out at night anymore because we are all afraid of him.

There is no one that knows what really happened like i just typed here. i cannot confide in my boyfriend because it is a closed subject between us that causes too many problems. i could probably tell his ex but i don't want to trigger anything in her that he has done in the past. Having it happen three times has caused so much shame I cannot tell my parents again they are recently separated and things are bad enough as we are dealing with the divorce. i have a therapist but since i am underage i am afraid he will tell my mom. this has just recently really started bothering me and mainly at night. in the past i dealt with my abuse through cutting and anorexia i do not want to do that this time. i don't know what to do if i tell everyone is going to wander why i didn't report it either time seeing as it has happened to me before and i should know better, no one is going to understand the shame and the pain because the people i know has only been abused once and they were all younger.

i just want to deal with this and move on with my life. it is too late to report anything, what can i do?
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Re: Living in Silence - March 1st 2010, 05:50 PM

I think it's VERY important that you know this; it is NEVER too late to report anything of that matter, NEVER! I know of people who reported sexual assult 20 years after it happened and still got a case and their attacker still went to jail for many, many years. I really think it's important that you do go and repot this since you said that he has done this before, and also does it to other girls you work with. That means that he will most likly never stop this behavior. I feel that it's important that you do report this, because if you do he will never be able to do this to you or anyone else again. I think it would also mentally be better if you reported it as well. Maybe you should think about talking about this to your counsellor or someone so you don't have to carry this all by yourself. I know how difficult carrying something like that can be. I myself kept my rape to myself for 8 months and just recently reported it. Going through the legal stuff is very difficult and no one could understand the stress it puts on families, but it's better for everyone if you report it. I hope some of what I said helped.
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Re: Living in Silence - March 1st 2010, 08:04 PM

i don't think I honestly could bring myself to report it. that is the twisted part of it, I hate him for what he has done but I still care what happens to him unlike previously when i honestly didn't care if my cousin went to jail or not for some reason my messed up mind can't press charges .

If i can figure out a way in my mind to detach myself from him and not to care this would be a lot easier. i had counseling today and i couldn't bring myself to tell.
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Re: Living in Silence - March 2nd 2010, 03:29 AM

Hmm well then maybe you should try your hardest to talk to your boyfriend about it so that he can help you through it. And maybe talking to him about things will help make some stuff more clear to you.
   
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Re: Living in Silence - March 2nd 2010, 05:57 AM

I understand why you can't report him. I couldn't report my father either, or anyone who has abused me. So I understand that. But if he is STILL trying to get a hold of you, you HAVE to press charges. You have to realize the risks of what could happen if he did get to you. He could hurt you more then just raping you. And no one wants that to happen. You honestly need to think about how much your life and your safety means, not how much you don't want to hurt him because you're a soft person.
   
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Re: Living in Silence - March 2nd 2010, 05:19 PM

Justine talking to my boyfriend is completely out of the question, it is too touchy of a subject and one that will cause more damage than good

After some thought I am thinking about waiting till I am 18 (only a month) before I press charges that way Children Services will not have to get involved. I have some proof on him and others to testify i just can't afford a lawyer.
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Re: Living in Silence - March 2nd 2010, 11:19 PM

just an update (sorry to double post) but i just told my mom about it and we are looking into what we can do
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Re: Living in Silence - March 3rd 2010, 05:27 AM

Good job for telling your mom! That's a really good start!
And I realize telling your boyfriend about it is a touchy subject and stuff (I had to tell my ex about what happened to me and the court stuff ended up breaking us up) but if he cares about you he would most likely try to be there for you as best as he could. And like samantha_sykes said; reporting him is very important since he is still trying to get after you and things could turn out worse then you getting raped, and no one wants that to happen to you.
   
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Re: Living in Silence - March 3rd 2010, 04:14 PM

my boyfriend is actually not upset at all. i think he was afraid of something worse happening to. i don't know if it is going to make it to court. but he is much older than me so i feel pretty confident that the proceedings won't break us up, i hope not anyway.
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Re: Living in Silence - March 4th 2010, 07:20 PM

the number 1 thing to do is to talk with the police about it. just like what you did from telling your teacher in the first problem, but talk it over with your manager first. then you should talk to the police about it next. they will take care of him. also, when ur gonna go at night outside, be with someone else that you know who could protect you or be a wittness of what jack is doing to all of you. this will help you and your friends a lot.
   
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Re: Living in Silence - March 5th 2010, 03:06 AM

Hey Jessie,

I'm really proud of you for telling your mum. There is a good chance that it could go to court, since you are underage. I wouldn't wait until you were eighteen, to be honest. In your state, what he did to you, and what he might do to someone else, is illegal, especially since you did say no.

I know how hard this is, I really do. You might want to tell your manager that this guy is harassing you and other female employees, because that's technically what he's doing. Your manager can help, either by preventing the guy from being there, or by making sure all you girls are safe. It's their job to keep their employees safe.

Take care of yourself, and if you need anything, feel free to pm me.


She whispered to her own reflection "I will be strong."

"I am not what has happened to me.I am what I have chosen to become."- Carl Jung

"If ye harm none, do as ye wish."

Sometimes things just happen.


Smile through the tears.


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Re: Living in Silence - March 6th 2010, 06:41 PM

it did go to the police and i met with my detective yesterday and it is going to the prosecuter this week to tell us if we have a chance of winning in court. but i have to do a monitored phone call to try and get a confession, i'm not looking forward to it but i am going to do it if they need me to for the case to move forward.

as for my manager, he is only 19 so it wasn't difficult to tell him what happened, he has known for a while now and he is watching out for me and the other girls
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