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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Was this abuse or just an extreme case of sibling rivalry? - March 8th 2010, 02:49 AM

So I'm 20 now and my brother is 25, and the worst is over; but I am just trying to find closure as to what happened in the past. When I was 9, it all started. My brother started getting physical during arguments and most of the time I would end up with a bruise on my arm or a black eye. We used to make "tattle sheets" while my mom was gone, explaining what the other sibling did and on many occasions he would take the list, crumple it up, and shove it down my throat. Then when we moved to my current house he started having mental issues and things got more intense. He would threaten to "beat me to a bloody pulp and kill me" and at first I would have to lock myself in rooms to keep him from hurting me. Then that stopped working when he would pick the lock or try and kick the door down. Things were worse when my mom wasn't home. One time I tried to call her for help and he found me and grabbed the phone and said to my mom "i'm going to kill her" with a sadistic grin on his face and he hung up the phone and disconnected it. As he went downstairs to disconnect the other phone, I ran outside barefoot and walked around the neighborhood until my mom came home. I had to do that alot. I had a safehouse (the neighbor's house) that I was supposed to go to, but I never did. I was too embarrassed because I usually was shaking and crying and I didn't have shoes on. If my mom was home, she would distract my brother and I would go hide underneath the seats in our van until she could come and drive me somewhere safe.
When I was 12 he went to jail for building a bomb to blow up his teacher (he did this while my parents were gone, I had to sneak the phone in the bathroom and call my parents and then the police+bomb squad came). After he got home (when I was about 14), things were better. We still had fights and sometimes he would hit me and call me a bitch or a whore but I missed him while he was gone so I would do anything to spend time with him. He drank alot and when he was drunk he would get innappropriate. He would show me porn and tell me that's what girls were supposed to look like and act like. And if we were watching movies with sex scenes he would tell me that if I heard noises to not turn around (because he was masturbating). When I was 16 he paid me to watch as he put something up his ass. I started getting drunk as well, because things were easier to handle that way. I drank everything away and now I'm in AA. Now that I don't have alcohol in my life, issues are starting to come up and I'm just trying to figure out what made me this way. I love my brother very much and I don't hold anything against him. I don't talk about this with anyone, because I know he never meant to hurt me and I think it would hurt him if he knew how much it affected me. But I just want to know if this was abuse or not.


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Re: Was this abuse or just an extreme case of sibling rivalry? - March 8th 2010, 12:26 PM

What your brother did was not right, and your mothers reactions could have also been more appropriate. She obviously knew you where in danger from him, as she used to drive you to somewhere 'safe' but she didn't do anything to sort out his issues, which it sounds like he has a lot of.

What he did was defiantly not right and more then your average sibling rivalry.



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Re: Was this abuse or just an extreme case of sibling rivalry? - March 10th 2010, 04:04 AM

Hey Jen,

Was it abuse? Yes. Is it your fault? No. Sometimes we do things we don't want to because it keeps us alive, simple as. What your brother did was not right, he sounds like he was out of control when he was younger, but taking it out of you the way he did was wrong.It doesn't really matter what you call it Jen. You had to live with it for yours, eventually it gets so rooted into you that it's so hard to let go and move on, but it's not impossible.

Forgive me, my memory is falling, but are you in counseling? If you are, it might be something you should talk to your counselor with, something that they can help you come to accept and move on from. I know it's not that simple, and what he did to you was wrong. Try letting it out, writing it down or telling someone, it will make it easier to cope with.


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I'm so uncomfortable around him...incest porn... - March 13th 2010, 12:24 AM

So I made a thread a few days ago wondering if what went on the past with my brother was abuse. And this is just kind of an add-on about what's going on NOW.

Basically, I am horribly uncomfortable around my brother. It started when I was 15ish, he would show me porn and tell me that that's what a girl is supposed to look like and what they're supposed to do. And at one point he paid me to watch as he put something up his ass.
More recently we've been finding alot of porn in the house and on the family's computer (which is now my computer). It's not the fact that he has porn that bothers me, it's the type of porn. There's alot that has to do with having sex with little kids and teenagers, and almost all of it has to do with a brother and a sister having sex. He's been treating me different lately, and when I try and explain it to people they don't get it, they think I'm making it up. But we used to argue alot and now I can tell he tries really hard to please me. His tone of voice has changed with me, and I dunno, I just feel really weird around him.
I swear I'm not making this up or taking nothing and trying to turn it into something. I hate being alone with him, and I hate the fact that I feel like I can't tell anyone about this because 1)they wouldn't believe me and 2)I don't want them to think that it's my fault.

So I don't know what to do. I just need someone to tell me if I'm crazy or not...


Life isn't about worrying,
That's a waste of time.
And life isn't about being perfect,
It will never happen.
Life is about finding yourself,
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Last edited by Casey.; March 13th 2010 at 03:13 AM. Reason: Removing an expired link.
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Re: I'm so uncomfortable around him...incest porn... - March 13th 2010, 02:02 AM

Hun, first of all, you have evidence that he "likes" that sort of thing... so technically I believe you. I really do. I hope that if he ever does try something.. you would be able to just say no. I can tell you've talked about this before because you think no one will believe you. I don't know if maybe you are just having anxiety that he might do something to you, or if he's actually acting that way, but I am leaning towards acting that way for right now. I don't know much about you, but to me it seems that you should try to not stay with him alone, and if you feel like he's going to make a move, call a friend or something, get out of the house for a while. I can only imagine what an emotional toll it has taken on you!!! Maybe you should try and take a mini-vacation from your family and try to relax too... it might help you be more clear-headed and able to make quick decisions if you need to..

Well I hope I had some sort of advice in there... if not, I am sorry. :/ I hope you move out or something..before anything real happens!!! Talk to me anytime and I will listen I promise!


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