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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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My gf is being emotionally abused by her mother- and has been for years - March 14th 2010, 04:33 AM

My gf is being emotionally abused by her mother and I'm pretty sure it's been going on for longer than 10 years. When my gf was about 13, she tried to kill herself because it was so bad. She's currently about to turn 20.

She wants to move out, finally, but it's difficult to get money when you're studying full-time at university. She's able to get an allowance from the government if her counsellor writes her a letter but today her mum caught her looking at flats. She immediately started screaming at her, and telling her how horrible she was for wanting to move out, and how much worse it would be for her in a flat. When my gf told her it was because her mum treats her so badly, she spent the next half an hour screaming at her and telling her why she deserves it.

Her mum constantly puts her down, but she doesn't do it to her 3 brothers and sisters. Its just her, and when my gf tries to talk to her dad about it, he pretty much just ignores the problem. Most of the time he's not there to see it anyway, because he's always at work. Her mum is just so nasty to her- anything that happens in her life is my gf's fault, even if it has nothing to do with her. She gets yelled at for everything and anything and constantly told she doesn't do anything to help around the house. When she tries to do things, she gets yelled at and told she's doing it wrong. There's just so much that goes on that I can't even write it all. It's so bad but I feel helpless to do anything. I don't know how I can help.

Is there anybody who's been abused in the past who can give me some advice on what I can do for her? Or anybody who's been in the same situation as me?


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Last edited by Casey.; March 14th 2010 at 06:00 AM. Reason: Removing prefix to fit with the new guidelines.
   
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Re: My gf is being emotionally abused by her mother- and has been for years - March 14th 2010, 06:18 AM

Hey Liaden,

There isn't much that you can do for her. You can support her, and you can be there for her, but you can't stop her mum from being abusive and you can't remove her from her situation. Moving out would be the best option for her, since she is twenty. Her mother will get over it, and it's hard but she just has to ignore what her mother says, her mother is going to try to make her feel guilty, and she can't give her that satisfaction. Her best bet would be to not argue with her mother, to let her think that she's winning, and to just move out. Moving into an apartment with roommates would be best.

If you need anything, feel free to pm me.


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Re: My gf is being emotionally abused by her mother- and has been for years - March 23rd 2010, 02:56 AM

You can help her a lot but supporting her by standing up for her if she can't speak for her self you are the man in her life you need to stand up and do something about it talk to her father and Mother and see what you can and see if that can ess the matter but you and you Girl Friend have to keep strong and know that you are going to make out.

There is something else that you can do for her she can probably move in with you or someone that you trust so I will keep you and your girl friend and my prayers because I have been through the same thing in my life and I want you to know that you are going to succeed by you faith in your self and also in God.
   
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Re: My gf is being emotionally abused by her mother- and has been for years - March 23rd 2010, 03:00 AM

Tell your gf to put a camera in her room and catch her mom screaming at her and putting her down, then put the evidence into the Police and Child Services so she will have the other children taken away from her so they don't have to be in such an enviornment. I personally think her mom must have mental problems for acting this way and she really needs some help and perhaps if the Police and Child Services get involved in this, they can find her the help she needs.
   
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Re: My gf is being emotionally abused by her mother- and has been for years - March 24th 2010, 10:18 PM

I agree, help her get the police involved. Or possibly just help her money wise so she can move away.


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Re: My gf is being emotionally abused by her mother- and has been for years - March 25th 2010, 02:19 AM

Can CPS do anything if she's 19 though?
   
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Re: My gf is being emotionally abused by her mother- and has been for years - March 25th 2010, 04:56 PM

I have gone through the EXACT same thing you are describing... My advice really would be to get her out of there as soon as possible. I am 18 years old and I moved into my grandparents a couple of months ago. It is really really hard to deal with such a crucial person in your life telling you you're not good enough. I have sooooo many psychological issues now because of it that I have to work through, including low self-esteem, ocd, and depression. My boyfriend stood up to my mom, but I wouldn't recomend this unless there was absolutely no other choice. My mother would say the most hurtful things you can imagine to me... she actually made me ill. Seriously get her out, and reiterate all the time how much you love her and tell her how special she is. She really needs it. If you have any questions or anything feel free to messege me. I know a lot about this particular subject, and I am definately available to give advice if it means helping someone else get away from the abuse, or atleast coping with it.


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