EMBARASSING-Wanting to be a baby?

[LavenderErin]

I have been through child physical and sexual abuse. Perhaps one day I will tell my story but I cannot right now. I dont know if I can. But, the physical abuse went on from age 4-10. Then the sexual abuse went from age 11-14.
Right now I have another abuser who hurts me emotionally, and it is bringing back old things, dug up from the past. There are a lot of things that it has caused but one thing in particular. When I was little, I stopped being myself. My father and mother had me on such a tight rope where I would get beaten sometimes and not know what I did wrong. So eventually it got to the point I would do near to nothing, without making sure it was okay. I was constantly on the look out.

And now, I am older. But when I talk about my abuse it is as if I were a little girl, it is the only way I can address the problem and actually feel a little relief after. Talking, acting, like a little girl, playing, being treated like a little girl. Is like, something that I find a little theraputic sometimes. Not that I have done this publicly with anyone, but sometimes I remember my abuse and want to feel like a little girl again. I know this sounds completely INSANE, and you probably think that I have some crazy disorder or something, but I just need to know, is there a reason for this?, does anyone else have this?, am I completely insane and belong in a padded room????!

[Casey.]

Hey there,

You are not insane. Often times, those who have been abused want to feel little again, because little feels safe. And that's totally okay. It doesn't make you insane to want to act like a child sometimes, and it can be very therapeutic.Sometimes we have to deal with our inner child, the one who was hurt for so long, and acting little can help that.

I know people who act little sometimes, I do it too. They suck their thumbs, or curl up with a blanket, cuddle with a stuff animal. Sometimes it's easier to talk about it, if you think like a child. Some therapist even encourage it. If you haven't talked to anyone about it, you might want to talk to a counselor or a therapist, they can help you. There is play therapy and experimental therapy that works, and that allows you to be little sometimes, just give it a try.

If you need anything, feel free to pm me.

[rebecca110109]

hi hun,
you'll be glad to know, what you are doing and going through, is completly normal. i myself went through abuse from the age of 2 till i was 13. it is not easy, i know. but it is comforting and therapeutic to go back tobeing a kid. hence why i work well in childcare. the kids love me and i get great comments and reccomendations from the other staff. so it can be a good thing. you can just look at it in a positive way. you are NOT insane. you are a normal human being. the reason for it is, that you do in some sense lose your childhood. because you spend your childhood, as you mentioned, being on the lookout. you have to grow up quick. keep big adult secrets. handle soo much on your own, etc. hope ive helped in some way.
take care. if you'd like to talk pm me.
xx

[ghostoverground]

you are not alone. I feel as if I could have written your post myself. I am so embarrassed too... my therapist tells me its okay but I still feel crazy.
Sorry I don't have much advice to offer but please know you aren't alone. PM me if you want to talk

[Maiden]

Hey, I feel the same way although I don't know why. I don't remember being abused and I love my parents but I've got these issues- I often act like a child, I dress like one and talk like one a lot, even though I'm almost 20. I like to act young and innocent. I also very easily fall for much older women than myself, and find myself wanting them to look after me and care for me and stuff- it sounds crazy but that's me. I don't know what, if anything, happened to me, but that's just what I do. I don't know why. I'm glad to know that there's other people who are like me too