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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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telling one of my tutors - April 17th 2010, 09:25 AM

i have decided that next week at college i am going to talk to one of my tutors about the postman and what he did to me, im scared but i know i need to talk to them. i am going to talk to the college manager as last week they saw my cuts on my arm, and asked me about them, so i have figured out if they are asking me about them they care ? but can they tell anyone what i tell them, can they tell my mum ect, they have not told my mum about my cuts on my arm. but i dont know if because what im going to tell them in a way is more serious than in someways me cutting, can they tell anyone ? i no that from when i had counselling my counselling said she could not tell anyone about my dad unless i wanted her to or had asked her to because im over 18 but i dont know if the same thing goes for my college ? should i ask her before i talk to her or should i just talk to her and see how things go ? all i know is need to talk to her and tell her, im scared but its something i have to do, it probably wont do much, if anything at all, i dont know, im confussed and scared. but i know i have to talk to someone about this and i think the college manager might be the person to talk to as they asked me about the cuts on my arm (even though i told them it was nothing) they sat next to me the whole day and stuff, so i think they care. but im not sure. theres a couple of tutors at college i trust. what do i do ? once ive told them will they have to tell the police and my mum ? or do they not have to as im 19 ?



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Re: telling one of my tutors - April 17th 2010, 12:28 PM

wow i thinbk your really brave hun. asking for help it hard but you can do it. if u ask them to speak to them confidentualy then they should by right have to respect tht. but i think its good idea asking them still. good luck lydia
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Re: telling one of my tutors - April 17th 2010, 08:05 PM

Well done for plucking up the courage to go and tell your tutor. I think in this case, they only have to report it to someone else (like the police) if you are in immediate danger and under 18 for instance if you were being continuosly abused by your parents, the college would have a duty to report it. However as you mentioned the postman in past tense, it suggests that either it was a one-time thing or it is no longer happening, in which case, you should be fine especially as you are over 18. As for the cutting that they cannot tell your parents if you don't want them to, I think they might be able to tell your doctor if they are concerned about your health, although the doctor would not be able to tell your mum either.
Good luck hun

ps. - I forgot to add that my counsellor and the rest of the mental health team who I am currently in contact with have not told my family about my brother sexually abusing me when I was younger or even when I was hospitalised for a suicide attempt, so I imagine that your college wouldn't be able to either - just make it clear to them that you don't want them to tell your mum and maybe ask them to inform you before hand if they do have to (though I'm sure they wont have to).
   
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Re: telling one of my tutors - April 17th 2010, 08:07 PM

Hey There Lyd!

I think it's great that you've decided to talk to someone, I'll be right behind you!
I think that generally, people don't have to talk to your parents unless your in a life threatening situation - however, depending on 'what' your going to tell them - it might be a different case.

For example, I had an issue with being sexually molested - that was the phrase my school councillor used - and they had to tell my parents. So, depending on what your going to be talking about, they may or may not have to tell your parents.

It truly sounds like your college is trying to reach out to you, which is great, and I think that if you were to talk to them then they would support you through everything. I know you have a bit of a rough relationship with your parents, but I still do believe that when faced with the truth your Mum would come to help you and support you.

You can always ask about your college's confidentiallity policy - ask about how they deal with information on - eating disorders, rape, abuse, addictions, sucide, self harm etc... by listing all of these, you don't have to tell them which one/s you apply to

I hope this helped,
And feel free to msg me if you want.
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Re: telling one of my tutors - April 18th 2010, 04:41 AM

Congrats on having the courage to talk to someone about this, that's a really big step forward!

As for whether or not they'll tell, well...
In Canada it is the law that any minor who reports abuse, current or in the past, the person hearing it must report it to the police and notify a guardian. Once you're an adult, they can't tell anyone without your permission.

That being said, I saw several counsellors starting at age 16. Not a single counsellor I saw as a minor said a word to my Mom or to the police. When I was 18 and seeing a counsellor at college, he told me I had the choice of making the calls myself, or letting him do it, but either way the calls had to be made. I was 4 months shy of turning 19 and being a legal adult.


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