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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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mtm Offline
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abused - April 23rd 2010, 04:10 PM

so heres my story.
i was abused when i was younger... 4-6 then again 8-13...
my g0dparents live next door to my family, their oldest son started it when i was too young to know it was wrong. hes 11 yrs or so older than me and he was my babysitter when i was realy young.
im 24 now and i am still in contact with him bc of our families.
he got caught when i was 6 and we went to court. the decision to make was - never see my g0dparents and their family again or deal with it on our own. our parents decided to deal with it. he went and got "help" and they kept us seperate - supposedly. it started up again and his younger brother did it too.
i gave up. i figured if noone cared enough to make sure i was safe, i must not have been worth it.
since i was a child, everyone has acted like this never happened. there was no therapy, no family discussiong. we just pretended it didnt happen.
when i was in high school i realized i was old enough and strong enough to keep myself out of the situation.
i stopped visiting my g0dparents unless i knew they were home alone. his younger brother apologized to me for what he had done and never touched me again. i believed he was sincere and he has never been inappropriate since... he has treated me like his sister and i have forgiven him. i firmly believe he never touched another person like that.
all of a sudden i was afraid of the dark, i didnt want to be around people, i started having horrible nightmares. throughout high school i didnt care about anything, sophmore year i started cutting classes and smoking pot, binge drinking.. i didnt know why i was doing it - i didnt enjoy it.
after i graduated high school, things got bad. i still saw him bc our families were close. he tried once or twice with an inappropriate grab. i threatened to ruin his life if he ever touched me again. he sat down with me one afternoon following that and told me he was abused when he was a kid and he was sorry for what he had done to me. i believe he has hurt other people. i firmly believe this.
i used to cut myself and do cocaine and smoke more pot than i ever imagined i could.
i forced myself to stop doing these things bc i realized it was hurting me more than helping.
he is getting married this summer to one of my cloest friends and will then have children.
i have never been able to trust anyone.
i still have nightmares... every night.
i dont know what to do.
   
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Emily. Offline
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Re: abused - April 23rd 2010, 07:10 PM

Hey there.

First off, I'm really sorry your parents didn't do more to protect you once they found out. I can't imagine how much that hurts. What those boys did was wrong and in no way your fault, okay? I'm glad you were able to stop using all of those bad coping methods though. You definitely did not deserve to be caught up in that.

Have you ever thought about talking with a therapist? I know that can be a scary idea, but it really does help to talk about and work through things with someone. You deserve that. Sometimes getting all the bad memories out helps keep the nightmares at bay a bit too. Just don't be afraid to reach out for help.

And also, it's completely up to you, but have you thought about telling your friend that's marrying him what he did? You could even just send an anonymous letter. She might not believe it, but at least the idea will be in the back of her mind for if they ever do have kids.

I hope you're doing okay right now. Be good to yourself and if you ever need to talk, know you can always PM me.

<3 Emily


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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Re: abused - May 4th 2010, 01:01 AM

Hi,
I am sorry this happened to you and that nothing more was done to help you out when you were younger- that's terrible.
It also must be really hard still having to see him- especially if one of your closest friends is marrying him!

Does your friend know what he used to do to you and potentially other people? It's completely up to you, but personally if I were you I would tell your friend about this because I'd want to know if I were her.

You seem like you've been so strong throughout all this- you've gone through using harmful coping methods but seem as though you have been strong enough to stop this now and turn your life around?

Stay strong because these boys don't have the right to take power over the rest of your life- they don't deserve to ruin your life.

I'm not surprised you are still having nightmares though- have you thought about seeing anyone professional about this? It might be scary to think about doing but it could help you?

Hope things start to get better for you. You shouldn't have had to go through this. No body should.


x<3x

~Happy to help *
   
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