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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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nightonthesun Offline
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i had my abusive ex boyfriend arrested today - May 26th 2010, 12:31 AM

I dated my ex boyfriend for over 2 years...from the time I was 14 to 16. Six months ago, shortly before we broke up, he started abusing me emotionally...and eventually physically. He slipped drugs into my drink one night and raped me while I slept. At that point, I knew the relationship had to end.

Last week, I found the courage the contact the local police department and report him. I felt as if I had finally overcome everything he put me through, but still, I can't get over him. I know it's abnormal, and I feel like something's wrong with me...but I was in love with him, and even the things he did to me didn't change how I felt.

What can I do to get past this? I've barely gotten out of bed today...I've never been as close to anyone as I was to him, and the thought of him in prison is almost haunting.. yet it's because of me. I feel guilty, and it's taking a lot of strength to not regret my decision.
   
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Re: i had my abusive ex boyfriend arrested today - May 26th 2010, 01:11 AM

First of all I just want to say that it was very brave of you to report your ex. I cant even imagine how hard that must have been for you. But it was the right thing. I know that right now it doesnt feel right to you, but remember that you are protecting another woman from his abuse. You are preventing him from being able to do this to someone else.
I dont think that there is anything abnormal or wrong with that fact that you have not been able to get over your ex. After all, you were with him for 2 years and you loved him. Yes, he was abusive and did horrible things to you, but that doesnt change the fact that you loved him. I believe that love is blind and that you cant help who you love. Thats what makes love so hard, because sometimes you love someone who you shouldnt love and who you cant love. Again, it does not mean that there is anything wrong with you. You went through so much with your ex- of course you are going to have strong feelings for him. I have heard a lot of people say that they still love the person who abused them- they obviously just do not love what the person did to them.
Please do not regret your choice to report your ex. I know that is difficult and it seems like its not possible to not feel guilty. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, you really should look into seeing someone to talk to- especially since you just recently reported your ex....thats a lot for anyone to deal with.
I wish that I had better advice for how you can get past all of this. Just please know that you are so strong for being able to report your ex. Please try to hang on. If you ever need to talk please PM me.
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Re: i had my abusive ex boyfriend arrested today - May 26th 2010, 02:29 AM

I'm proud of you, so proud. It is not abnormal for you to love him. Yes he hurt you, but you dated for two years and you knew him from before he started hurting you, so it's hard to let go of the person he was, but you have to try. One day you will be able to move on and let go, but right now, take it a day at a time. Don't rush yourself to get better, it takes time to heal. And please don't regret reporting him, you did the right thing.


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Re: i had my abusive ex boyfriend arrested today - May 28th 2010, 04:12 AM

Do not feel guilty. I repeat do NOT feel guilty. You have done the right thing. It may not feel completely right now, because you still do care about him. You spent a significant amount of time with him and because of that it is going to be difficult to get over it. It takes time to heal and realize what he did was wrong. I know how you feel, and I wish I had the courage to report my abusive situation. You are an extremely strong girl and you doing this may give other girls the same courage if they are in your situation.

If you ever need to just vent I am here for you. Stay strong!

Best,
Lexy
   
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Re: i had my abusive ex boyfriend arrested today - May 30th 2010, 04:11 AM

thanks guys
it will probably hurt for a while, but it feels triumphant at the same time.

lexy, if you need anyone to talk to about your situation, you can always talk to me.
   
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