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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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CrystalJade Offline
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Exclamation Really need help... Just not sure... - May 29th 2010, 05:27 AM

This is really hard for me to talk about... BUT I need to know. I think I was sexually abused by my brother when I was in kindergarten and he was in high school. The thing is that I don't know if it was a dream I had or if it really happened. I remember details and ever since I was in elementary school I remembered it. My family acts like nothing happened if something did. It's confusing and frustrating for me because I think it did but I'm not sure!

Then my mom verbally and mentally abuses my dad and I. I've taken it for almost 17 years and I don't know how much longer I can deal with her sh*t. I feel like just going up and punching her... She's ALWAYS arguing and being abusive to us. I've dealt with all types of abuse since I can remember. The only people that haven't been abusive is my dad and sister.

My brother has too many problems from birth defects and such that cause him to be crazy in a sense. When he lived with us he would beat up on us. I know there's no way that I can get away from what I've had to go through without some emotional scarring and it really upsets me. I wish that I could just have led a normal life and be able to have a normal life from now on but there's no way that can happen because you can't ever get away from your past... I may be able to hide it from people but I'll always have to deal with it. Cut's heal but scars don't...

Because of all of this my goal is to be a psychologist... So that's the only good thing that will come out of everything.

Here's my question(s) though. How do I know for sure about what happened when I was younger? Also, any suggestions for getting past the abuse and not hitting my mom? I'm at the end of my fuse... I also can't figure out why a little girl would have dreams about rape and molestation. Kids that young don't know about sex and when I had to tell my mom I didn't even know what it was called...
   
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Re: Really need help... Just not sure... - May 29th 2010, 05:36 AM

Amy, I just want to start by saying that you are not alone and a lot of us here know what you are going through. Not every child remembers if they were molested or not. When you are little you have a smaller capacity for remembering. I remember what happened to me vividly, but that is only because it occurred multiple times. If he sexually abused you once you may not remember it. The only real way of finding out if you were sexually abused is by continuing to ask and plead with your parents or try to confront your brother (which doesn't seem like the most plausible solution). They may not know anything about it if not then you have to decide for yourself what is real and what is not real. You can try to get over the situation and convince yourself it didn't happen (since you aren't sure if it did or not) or accept that it may have happened and try to cope with it as best you can.

As for the issue with your mother. Often parents have issues of their own and suffer from their own depression. Your mom may not feel that way about you, but is trying to let out her frustrations and you have become her target. You may want to talk to your other family members or try and discuss this with someone you trust who can get your mother help. I'm always here if you need to talk.

Best,
Lexy
   
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Re: Really need help... Just not sure... - May 29th 2010, 05:49 AM

She does have her problems. I kind of feel like she favors my siblings over me though. I'm the youngest and I think that maybe what happened between my brother and me (I'm pretty sure it did happen) caused her to dislike me more.

I remember multiple accounts. Even a single account with one of his old friends. I used to be so certain it happened but as I got older I got doubts. I can't stand the thought of it, maybe that's why I tried to count it off as a dream. I think I tried to forget it because I still have to see him often. We were in the car not long ago and he said "I only have one secret and what's funny is you know but you don't know you know." I can't ask my family because I think they are assuming I've forgotten. I don't feel like there's many that I can talk to because I don't want people to know and I think they would see it as even weirder and extremely gross because it's incest.

I do have one friend and my special somebody that I've told a few details to and they've told me that they keep forgetting that anything happened because I don't seem like the type that that would happen to. I think that's part of the reason I act the way I do though.
   
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Re: Really need help... Just not sure... - May 29th 2010, 05:56 AM

It is really good that you have people to talk to about your situation. If talking to your family is not an option and you are certain that this did occur you need to learn how to cope. I was molested several times by a family friend so I can understand how you feel, though it was not my brother. It's a difficult thing to get over so just keep seeking support and if you believe it happened you have to learn to accept it and try to move on. You are a strong girl and will get stronger. When you finally forgive and accept the pain you had to experience you will do great things for others who are in the same situation you are in now. No little girl deserves that pain, and your brother will get his for what he has put you through. Try to just remember the important people in your life and those that do care. Your friends and significant other seem to be there so just keep surrounding yourself with them. If you need to get the details out feel free to talk to me at any time. I'm just a PM away.

Best,
Lexy
   
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Re: Really need help... Just not sure... - May 29th 2010, 06:17 AM

Thanks. I do feel a bit better now about this. I'm planning on not having anything to do with my mom or brother when I'm 18 and on my own. It seems like there's a lot of people who have been raped or molested at some point. The friend I talk to has been and she's open about it. It amazes me that she can be so open.
   
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