Triggering: Will it ever stop?

[klutzymiri]

My parents have been hurting me for years. They always call me names, they tell me i'm weak and good for nothing except making their life miserable. My mom hits me when she gets angry, she throws stuff at me, she even kicks me out of the house. Ever since she and my dad got remarried last year, everything has been getting worse. Every night they beat me up. My mom tells me to get a grip on myself and to get over it. I'm so scared. For almost 2 years now, my dad has been coming to my room almost every night while my mom was sleeping. He comes in his underwear and he threatens me. He chokes me to stop me from screaming. It hurts so bad. He takes my clothes off and he hurts me. He tells me it's all my fault. He says it's my punishment. I don't know what to do. I can't even call the police, even if i did have the courage. I'm constantly thinking about it all. I have nightmares every night, and the pain is so intense that I cut myself or I knock myself out. My mom doesn't care at all. I want to die. I think I might be pregnant too. I've experinced most of the signs for it. I can't take this anymore. It hurts too much. My parents are right-I am weak and worthless, andI cry every night, just like a baby. Despite all of the things i try to do to make them accept me, i always fail. I still love them though. I try my best to forgive them. I really want them to understand but now i don't think it's possible. I'm still hoping they will but I'm so close to giving up. There's nothing else I can do. I feel like I'm trapped in a box.

i just don't know what to do! My parents won't letme out of their sight.

[Megan1]

You need to tell the police! I know it has to be hard because you still love your parents and you don't want to do that, and because it's hard to speak up. I know. But PLEASE tell someone, I don't want you going through this. It is definitely abuse, even if your parents may be nice sometimes or if you still feel like you love them....that doesn't make it any less dangerous. You are in danger. Do you go to public school? If so, talk to a school counsoler at least and tell them EVERYTHING. They can help you. Make sure that whoever you tell understands how serious it is so that they won't make you go back there. And please send me a message if you need more advice or someone to talk to.

[Casey.]

There is no really answer to your question. It will only stop when you make it stop. You have to put a stop to it, or get out of there. I don't know how old you are, but if you are not legal age, then please, please tell someone. No one should do that do you, especially your parents. Please tell a counselor or call your local child hotline/ social services. You shouldn't have to be hurt, you don't deserve to be hurt.

Just hang in there, if you need anything pm me.

[xyzman]

u do need to call some one or tell some one like a techer or frends parints or somthing some one that can get u the help u need

if u need to talk u can pm me eny time

[aemina]

you have a lot of people here that care for you.
I don't mean to be an asshole Miriam but would someone that loves you hurt you?
it just doesn't seem right.. if your best friend hurt you would you be their best friend still?
you have to make a stand, you have to make the change, like you told me you have to make it a memory.
I believe in you <3

[shaytaan]

i know how you feel everyday its constant beatings my dad tells me to man up but idk if i can take it anymore its been happening gradually getting worse since third grade and its horrible just aaahhh i can't take it if they're not argueing w/ each other their taking it out on me idk where the beatings are gonna come from or when or by who they just come and my skin is dark so noone can see them and they laugh about it and i hide in my closet all the time so they don't find me and beat me and call me really bad things or say they hate me and i'm a failure and weak and the worst part is they've been doing this for years and just a few weeks ago i found out it was wrong they convinced me that it was normal i deserved it i still think i deserve every kick punch scratch knocked down to floor or when its just to much and it all goes blank as i get beat on i don't remember any of it and it just hurts...... and i still love them too its just when everytime my mom does something nice or friendly i remember all that anger in her face..........

[Miranda.]

Hey Miriam,
Its your dear friend Miranda.<3
My boyfriend goes through the same thing..as you already know. I am so sorry this is happening to you. You are so amazing though, for forgiving your parents, and still loving them..I can relate to how hard it is..feeling as if you don't have the strength to get out..and being so scared that you can't notify anyone to help you..I know sweety..reading this, brings tears to my eyes, because such an amazing girl like you..has to suffer like this. I know that I haven't been through the same EXACT experiences...so I can't say I can completely relate to everything your feeling, but in some ways I can. I know that you feel weak, and I know what that feelings like...its painful, and its useless. But let me tell you now...you're one of the strongest people I know. You have suffered through so much..but look at you, just look at you..you're still fighting, you haven't given up at all, and I find that amazing. You're a innocent young woman, and you haven't done anything wrong, so don't EVER guilt trip yourself over this...I know its hard..I understand..and I know its easier said than done, but you can do it, you just have to try. You are amazing Miriam. You are. You are so strong...its unbelievable. You can get out, you can make it through this, just give it some effort, and don't give up. I know you feel like its close to time, but don't let it be, keep fighting, you can do it. I believe in you. I really do..I'm always here for you sweety..always. But please, don't ever, ever, give up. <3 You're strong, beautiful, and innocent. Always remember that. Always. :Hug:

<3 always,
Miranda.

[Running on Faith]

dear my sweet Miriam,
1st of all,i read your post carefully,but i knew already.i feel so sorry that a good person like you gets raped and hurt.youre very nice and caring,a thoughtful friend.i can tell. you never deserved this torture.you forgive them for all they do to you.but youre the one that deserves to be forgiven,not they.so think differently about their actions.others,some,are different in some way,they love their kids and forgive them no matter who they are or what they do.your parents are just jerks! i wish i was there to help,but too bad im far away. so ill leave a few thoughts.because we talked about this.

*it's their fault,not yours.
*dont wish them death or anything,just keep in mind that good always wins.
*you have a big reason to live.life is its own reason.
*life cannot be spent twice.however,the situation turns around,life is always the same quality.
*you have us to support you,you will never be alone.we all bare together.

i even had visions once though of the raping after you told me.it was so bad to see.but i wish the best luck to you.they just want to hurt you but they deserve that.i see that the better will come soon,just have belief and hope.no one cant survive without that.
~with love,Tasha~

[sirjan xerdaj]

do you know this is your life, and it's making you feel like you want to die? Do you see the reality? Call the police on that Although I do admire your ability to cope with your situation but it's gotta stop.

[Edited by bringontherain - Reason: unhelpful to OP]

[rtyui25]

If you want any of this to stop you'd better be prepared for whatever life you have to be uprooted. If you actually go to the police about this or even a counselor your father will likely be charged with multiple counts of rape. and your mother will likely at LEAST get child endangerment and abuse charges. You will likely be put in a foster home if you are a minor. Possibly a relative if anyone will take you. maybe a different school... Maybe an entirely different state. You sound like you should give yourself more credit. you're NOT worthless. your scumbag dad shouldn't be doing things like that to anyone. Especially not his own daughter. [Edited by bringontherain - Reason: inappropriate/dangerous] Seriously though. Tell SOMEONE who can do something about it. School cop, Counselor, whoever. Or else it'll never end untill he sees the error of his ways (not likely) or they're out of your life.

[sirjan xerdaj]

Originally Posted by sirjan xerdaj

do you know this is your life, and it's making you feel like you want to die? Do you see the reality? Call the police on that Although I do admire your ability to cope with your situation but it's gotta stop.

[Edited by bringontherain - Reason: unhelpful to OP]

First of all I am terribly sorry for my radical opinion. I did not mean to be rude in anyway. It really hurt me to read what you are going through. You take that extreme abuse from you own father, physically and mentally. My prayers are with you.

[klutzymiri]

Thank you so much for all of the advice and support ... It means so much to me that you care. I'm trying my best to get help; i've made it out of the house a few times, but he keeps on catching me. I'm trying not give up now, but I don't know. I really don't know anymore. My mom tried to help me, but she ended up dying because of it. I just... I don't know..

[Megan1]

There are probably places where you can report this online if you aren't able to get out of the house. Do you want me to help you find one of those places? Or if you want to give one of us your name and address and have us report it for you?

[DarkSeph]

I agree about searching online for some way to report this. You might not be able to get out of the house or phone for help, but there might be websites that offer support or helplines for these issues. You might even be able to find a way to make the relevant authorities aware of this issue online by finding their website. There are people who will help you find out how to, so try looking into it. You do not deserve this kind of treatment, none of this is your fault whatsoever and you deserve to be happy. Don't be afraid to inform the police about this, it truly is for the best. I honestly admire how strong you've been to cope this far through everything, I'm sure everyone here on TH is behind you if you need any support whatsoever. Best of luck, hang in there and I truly hope this will all sort out for you.

[Megan1]

If you want help reporting it or finding a place online to report it, please let me know.

[klutzymiri]

I do... please help me.

[Megan1]

What state are you in? There seems to be a different website for each state.

[Megan1]

Wow I'm so smart, it says it right under your name.

[WillO'Wisp]

You HAVE to go to the authorities with this or it won't stop. Put a video camera in your room one night and catch him in the act, tell the Police everything they're doing to you and they will get thrown in jail, then you can find another place to live where they can't hurt you, even get a restraining order. You have to do something. You don't deserve to go through this, you don't have to endure this pain and this abuse. You have to step up and put a stop to it.

[Lullaby]

You're in a really bad situation but you really need to tell someone who can call the police if you can't do that yourself. Or even someone on TH if they can help. You know that I would but I'm not in America :/

You are not weak. Getting as far as you are now proves that. Crying doesn't make you weak hun, it helps let things out. Don't give up on yourself. You will get help And you'll get out and everything will be fine

Remember that I'm here for you if you need me! Anytime
Love you, take care <3

[Missjess21]

No matter what your parents tell you you are not weak or worthless you are a beautiful person who deserves so much better then you are getting. I know you want to forgive them and i know you love them cause they are your parents but they have crossed the line, a long time ago. I think you should definitely tell someone, you need help. Your parents need help. There is no one in the world who deserves what you are going through. And there is so many more ways to deal with the pain then cutting your self, you need to tell someone, Someone who can get you out of there. if you ever need anything at all feel free to PM me.

[klutzymiri]

Thank you so much everyone...
I would have never been able to get through this without you.
I gtg, but i'll post an update on what's happening in a couple days or less.
Take care and thanks again for all the help and support you gave me

<3 Miriam