TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
bhindmysmile Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
bhindmysmile's Avatar
 
Age: 26

Posts: 1
Join Date: June 10th 2010

Unhappy How do you come to terms with sexual abuse? - June 10th 2010, 05:05 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Alright I'm sorry this is extremely long and I understand if that will make some of you not want to read it but please bear with me. I really need help and advice. Okay so I'm 16 and when I was a baby my parents divorced. I lived with my mom at first but then she married my stepdad (who I didn't like) so at 12 I moved to my dad and stepmom's house. My dad was an alcoholic and it all started one night when he came into my room. I was asleep and I woke up to him touching my stomach. It doesn't sound like a big deal but it just felt wrong and as soon as I woke up he left the room. I couldn't sleep for the rest of that night. I then went out into the kitchen to get a drink of water and he made me lay on the couch right next to him and he didn't really touch me but we were laying way too close and it made me uncomfortable. I finally told him I was tired and got up and went back to my room. After that night he began coming into my room nearly every night. I was awake most of the time when he came in and I would ask him what he was doing. Every time he would just say nothing and walk back out. It scares me to think of what did happen when he came in and I wasn't awake. This went on for two years and there were a few key encounters I remember. One time was when I was sleeping on the floor of our den I had a dream that someone was touching me and when I woke up my dad was laying on the floor behind me supposedly asleep. I will never know if that dream was real or not but I left that room as fast as possible. Another time was when he was cooking and he told me to come take a bit of the food. He had the spoon but instead of just letting me take it, he held it and made us eat off of it at the same time basically kissing. And then he made me feel guilty when I turned down another bite of the food. Another one was when I was hiding from my older sister in a game we were playing and my dad was laying in his bedroom. He called me in there and told me to hide under the covers. I did and he pulled me too close to him and put his legs over me. I was more than uncomfortable. The thing that hurts the most about that encounter was that he was sober. The other times I was able to blame the alcohol. There were multiple times he "accidentally" touched me or made inappropriate comments. Such as commenting on my breasts and figure. And once when my little sister said something about eating, he said "they like when I eat them" I can't even begin to describe how furious that made me. And one night when he was drunk he told me about how my older sister (who is actually his stepdaughter) used to lay naked on his bed to manipulate him into letting her go out with friends and stuff. He then proceeded to tell me he was tempted to have sex with her. I was desperate for reassurance so I said "you wouldn't though because she's your daughter right?" And his response was "well I don't know. I mean, I'm a man." Another encounter was when I was 13. All of this had been going on for a year and I had started smoking, drinking, cutting, and controlling my eating obsessively. I had extremely low self confidence and I always mentioned how much I hated my body. My dad then told me once that he wished he could stand with me while I was naked in a mirror to point out that I was not ugly. All of these things went on for two years and I began to hate him without even realizing it. Then one night when I was 14 he came into my room as usual and I was awake again. He looked at me and then walked out but this time I followed him and demanded to know why he came in my room every night. He told me it was because I was sexy and he wasn't. After he walked away I broke down into tears and didn't sleep the rest of the night. It wasn't even that what he said had bothered me so much because he had said worse before, it was the fact that that was the reason he came into my room meaning all my thoughts about his intentions were correct. I finally got up the courage to tell my stepmom the next day and she made him stop drinking liquor but she still lets him drink beer every night. Nothing has happened since then but I hold a lot of anger towards him and even her too because she didn't seem to do much about it. And they kind of swept it under the rug so it's never really talked about and when it is I break down crying. It has had such a huge effect on me. I started having disturbing thoughts which I later researched and found out is OCD (I haven't talked to them about it and don't plan too, I'll be 18 soon and go on meds for it hopefully) I also have many anxiety disorders I believe. Also I feel like I lost so many things. I lost trust in people (mostly men though) I lost my sense of security, my self-esteem, and I lost my innocence. Not that he raped me or anything but he still took away my childhood. I truly hate him for that. Just please, someone offer some advice. I want to come to terms with this so I can move on but I don't know how....

Last edited by Emily.; June 10th 2010 at 08:26 AM. Reason: changed prefix to fit guidelines
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Eljoria Offline
I'mAlwaysHereHelping. (:
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
Eljoria's Avatar
 
Name: Jade
Gender: Female
Location: Kent

Posts: 267
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: March 30th 2010

Re: How do you come to terms with sexual abuse? - June 10th 2010, 05:17 AM

Hey hey hey I'm here.
Your lucky I still read on your amusing story. I absolutely feel sorry for you. I know how it feels not being able to trust men as I was tried on few years ago by a man on holiday but; wow you've found the courage to tell your step mum about it and I am proud of you. And I know you may think people don't care but why don't you PM me and we'll talk through then.

Don't worry. I'm still here. <3 x


Jay

Live the life.
  Send a message via MSN to Eljoria  
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Emily. Offline
taste the sky
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
Emily.'s Avatar
 
Name: Emily
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: middle of nowhere

Posts: 689
Join Date: February 3rd 2009

Re: How do you come to terms with sexual abuse? - June 10th 2010, 08:39 AM

Hey there,

It sounds like your dad has been inappropriate with you for a long time. I'm sorry you have had to go through that. Parents are supposed to be the ones who protect us and keep us safe. What he's been doing and saying is wrong and I hope you know that none of it is your fault. You didn't do anything to bring this onto yourself, okay? They're his actions and he is responsible for them.

You should be really proud of yourself for being able to talk to your stepmom. That's a really hard step to take sometimes and I'm sorry she didn't do more to help. Is there another adult in your life you could talk to about what's happened? Maybe your biological mother or a teacher, etc? You deserve to have support through all of this and something should be done to keep your father from hurting you again.

I think it would also be a good idea to talk with a therapist. I know you mentioned you didn't want to have to talk to your parents about things, but you don't have to tell them everything that's going on with you. Maybe try to sit down with you're stepmom and explain that you're struggling with some things and would like to talk with a professional about them. You don't have to give her any more detail than that if you aren't comfortable with it. You could even put it in a letter if that's easier for you. I've always found I'm more able to get things out that way.

I hope you're doing okay right now. Be good to yourself and please reach out for help. You really do deserve to have people who love and support you in a good way. You can PM me anytime if you want to talk.
<3 Emily


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
deartrixie Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
deartrixie's Avatar
 
Name: Trixie Stone
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: New Yawk

Posts: 52
Join Date: January 14th 2009

Re: How do you come to terms with sexual abuse? - June 11th 2010, 12:17 AM

hey sweetie,
first off, I want to say, Im glad you came here, instead of doing something else to cope, as many as well as myself have done, that was a step in the right direction right there. seeing the problem, and attempting to fix it, solve it, or tackle it at once. That was very good, and a mature decision on your part.
secondly, i think its amazing, that you found the courage to tell your step mom. are you two close? that took alot, and im sure it was hard. have sought counseling, or anything like that? I can tell you from personal experience, it DOES help.
and is there a way, maybe you could live with your mom? does she know about it? youre a very brave girl, not many could do something like this. I have somewhat of an idea of how you feel, although no one will ever understand 100% no matter if the same exact thing happens to them, because its different for everyone. everyone takes things in differently. Im truley sorry this happened to you. True, he didnt rape you, but that doesnt make any of it less disgusting, repulsive, wrong, immoral, or less important either. I promise, slowly but surely, it DOES get better. In the meantime, I dont know if its the best thing to stay in that house, plus its a constant reminder of what happened, which is in no way shape or form healthy.
if yu ever need anyone to talk to, PM me, Im a great listener, and Im currently working through my issues, and sometimes all you need is someone to hear you. <33 Stay strong, hun.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
abuse, sexual, terms

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.