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Angry My mom deserves better... - June 24th 2010, 02:42 AM

My mom is SO nice to my dad, but still he treats her like CRAP. He doesn't physically abuse her, but he like is SO controlling, and he's SO mean, and ends up manipulating her into thinking that it's her fault... He's making her feel CRAZY... Like she knows she did nothing wrong, yet she still feels guilty. Yesterday, he flipped on her in front of his WHOLE family(which is weird for him, becasue he's only mean in private... then again he was drinking... that's of topic though...) and she LITTERALLY considered suicide... Thank God for me, my sister and God, because without us.... who knows... But yeah, he's SO bad to her, and he just yells and yells, or he gets really short with her and treats her like an IDIOT!

Plus, she has rheumatoid arthritis(which is REALLY bad on her joints and lowers her immune system) and has had REALLY bad health issues other then that lately, and he's been WORSE... Not better. It's freaking sick. He treats my dog better then her. I love him to death, but sometimes I hate him.

And they can't divorce, we don't have the money. My mom and I would have no where to live. So yeah, we're screwed.... Just had to vent. I'm sorry.
   
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Re: My mom deserves better... - June 24th 2010, 09:45 AM

Hey There

I hate it when parents argue, you just never know what you can do to help. Sometimes parents become friends again after these incidents without us seeing - and we just remember all the bad words that were said.

Why don't you talk to your Mum about it, see if she's OK? Your parents sound like they really need to go back to the root reasons of why they fell in love in the first place, and work from there (Go back to where they started, and fall in love all over again). You could maybe ask your Mum if she'd consider family councilling? You certainly need to tell her how this is making you feel. My Dad is a bit like yours, but when I spoke to my Mum about it, I actually found out that there was a reason behind his behaviour.

I hope this helps. Your not alone, and if you need a friend, just PM me.
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Re: My mom deserves better... - June 24th 2010, 09:59 AM

Im so sorry that your dad treats your mom like that. I agree with Claire though- talk to your mom and try to find out how she is doing and is feeling. Suggest either family counseling or couples counseling. My boyfriend and I have gone for couples counseling a few times with my therapist and it really has helped.
I wish that I knew what else to say. I cant even imagine how difficult it must be for you to have to listen to all of it though. How does it affect you? I know that for me I cant stand being around yelling and people putting others down- I get very anxious. My boyfriend's dad treats his mom like crap (ok well the entire family he treats like crap- my boyfriend and his sister) and I hate it. It makes me scared to go over my boyfriend's house sometimes. Im just curious how you deal with it since it takes place at your house.
If you need anything- please PM me.


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Re: My mom deserves better... - June 24th 2010, 02:35 PM

Well, she wants family therapy... but he HATES therapy... he's very against it all... Last time they tried couple's counseling, they were never allowed back... That's how much of a jerk he was... And they don't argue, because she just ends up taking it. Thank you for the suggestions though!
   
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Re: My mom deserves better... - June 28th 2010, 03:34 PM

Hi Megan


I know what you are going through. My parents have fought for as long as I can remember. Mostly, my dad yelled (much like yours), but it has turned violent a few times. It can be really scary, and even at 19 years old, I get upset when they fight.


Try asking your mom in private how she's feeling. I know that sometimes my mom would just need to vent to someone who knew what my dad was like. Then, try talking to your dad in private. There is NO excuse to treat another human being poorly - but maybe you can determine what is making your dad act that way. Was he raised around it? Did he experience some sort of trauma that makes him fly off the handle?

What I finally did was let each of parents know that I was there for them, but would not be around the abusive behavior any longer. I also suggested counceling to work through their problems.



Never feel sorry for needing to vent - if you ever need to talk or vent, my inbox is open
   
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Re: My mom deserves better... - June 28th 2010, 10:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sincitysoul View Post
Hi Megan


I know what you are going through. My parents have fought for as long as I can remember. Mostly, my dad yelled (much like yours), but it has turned violent a few times. It can be really scary, and even at 19 years old, I get upset when they fight.


Try asking your mom in private how she's feeling. I know that sometimes my mom would just need to vent to someone who knew what my dad was like. Then, try talking to your dad in private. There is NO excuse to treat another human being poorly - but maybe you can determine what is making your dad act that way. Was he raised around it? Did he experience some sort of trauma that makes him fly off the handle?

What I finally did was let each of parents know that I was there for them, but would not be around the abusive behavior any longer. I also suggested counceling to work through their problems.



Never feel sorry for needing to vent - if you ever need to talk or vent, my inbox is open
My dad had an a**hole dad and he's bipolar(and not on meds) so that's probably the reasoning. I could never talk to my dad in pribate... We don't actually talk though.

I beg my mom to leave just so we could get away from the abuse, but she won't... He refuses counceling... So yeah. Thank you though... to all of you!
   
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Re: My mom deserves better... - June 29th 2010, 03:35 AM

Megan,

Just to add to what everyone else is saying, talk to your mum. Even if your dad won't go to counseling, doesn't mean you and your mum can't. Counseling can help everyone,, and it would give you both someone to talk to. Maybe try suggesting to your mum that the two of you try it, and maybe after a while your mum can get him to go with her. It's worth a shot. Hang in there.


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Re: My mom deserves better... - June 29th 2010, 05:14 AM

Whenever my mom and I go to therapy together, we fight. And she doesn't really like it much, ya know?
   
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Re: My mom deserves better... - June 29th 2010, 02:29 PM

hey hey, i think you're a really good daughter and i know that you love and care for your mum a lot, so i'd say that it's great that your mum still has you fully on her side (:
what you described sounds like my parents too.. but mine has an upside: after my mum got depression, my dad really changed a lot as he tried to become a better husband, and he did. (:
i guess, what i'm saying is that your father probably loves your mother and you still. but he just doesn't know that he's causing so much hurt and distress and is insensitive to all of it. i suggest you talk to you dad or write him a letter if you find talking strange. and tell him that it hurts you to see him being so condemning and that he has no right to treat your mum that way. and also let your mum know that what your dad say isn't true and that you're on her side!
also, pray with her, and i'll pray for you two as well. (: seek God for wisdom and strength to help you pull through. things can't go on as it is now.
<3



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